I'm a SAHM, so our 5 month old is very attached to me and does fine when daddy is just holding or playing with her, but really wants me when it's time to eat (we're almost fully weaned) or when she's upset. So if my husband is trying to calm her down, I hover. I'm sure it upsets him, but I can't help it. Hearing her cry just breaks my heart, and I KNOW that she won't calm down until I'm holding her. Anyone else have this problem? How to handle? I feel terrible, but just can't stop myself!
2007-07-27 17:50:46 · 9 answers · asked by Magaroni 5 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Newborn & Baby
LOL - Nope, not my first kid. I'm actually MORE protective instead of less.
2007-07-27 18:02:24 · update #1
You need to help your husband bond better with the child. I would recommend giving him one night per week that is just he and the baby. You should go out with your friends for dinner. It will be good for all three of you if you do this. Since you'll be out, you won't have the temptation to hover. When you hover, it makes him self-conscious. Let him relax and do what comes naturally. Good luck.
2007-07-27 17:57:37 · answer #1 · answered by Ken 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Here's how I see it: You carried the child for 9 months. That child is a piece of you and likes you best! Why would you consider it to be wrong to soothe your child the way only her mother can? It's been a proven fact that women are the nurturers by nature, so of course your children will "run" to you to fix something or just make everything better. Yes it's nice when daddy can take on some of this responsibility, but ultimately you are IT!! I know this isn't what you want to hear, but it's life! And why are you weaning so early? Maybe part of her clingyness is her trying to keep a handle on her beloved "security blanket" also known as the perfect infant food that has soothing effects attached!! And finally, men are able to bond with their children, but it comes in a different form and sometimes not till later when the child begins playing more. All you can do is explain that when she's in good moods that he can spend all the time with her, but when she's upset and he doesn't fix the problem within a designated time to hand her to you so that you feel better about her not crying it out!!
2007-07-28 02:29:12 · answer #2 · answered by Sunshine Swirl 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am also a SAHM of four children. My husband and I have had many tense moments over situations like this. I would say you need to try and back up a little bit and let daddy do his thing. I know that when I am here my kids just want mom if they are upset or need something because that is what they are used to. Do you ever leave her with him while you grocery shop or something? I found this helped my little ones realize that yes Dad is capable of helping and comforting me. Just try and remind your husband it isn't anything personal just what she is used to and it will get better the more time they spend together and the older she gets.
2007-07-28 00:58:59 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Ok... you are perfectly normal mom. But honestly, don't wait until you are near a breaking point to take time for yourself. Let your hubby tend to the baby while you go out and get yourself some woman time. Get your hair done or do some shopping without the baby. It will be good for all of you. Daddy and baby needs to strengthen their bond too. Give them some alone time and at the same time give yourself some. When you come home and see that all is well you will begin to relax more about it.
2007-07-28 00:56:57 · answer #4 · answered by Kishauna_P 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
A five month old baby is just starting to learn that they are not the same person as mom. Thus the anxiety. She is only 5months old. Nothing wrong with comforting her. Slowly let her get used to the fact that she can surrive without you. Play peek-a-boo. Leave her with short periods with daddy. Some babys are just more attatched to mom than others. My daughter would happily go to anyone. Her younger brother was so attatched to me that he would escape the nursery at church to look for me before he was 2yr old. He gradually outgrew his dependence on me.
Try to gradually hover less. If she knows you are there it makes her want you more. You and your husband can work on teaching her to be more indepedent.
2007-07-28 03:22:01 · answer #5 · answered by clcalifornia 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Go outside. Take a walk. Wash the car. Go run an errand.
Show your husband that you trust him by allowing him to be daddy. (Give him some "magic" butterfly stickers that make boo-boos disappear).
Then take care of yourself by going someplace where you can't hear her. If she isn't comforted in 15 minutes when you return, your hubby will probably appreciate the help then!
2007-07-28 00:58:55 · answer #6 · answered by buterfly_2_lovely 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
It is very difficult, but your baby needs to feel comfortable with dad calming her as well. Try stepping outside for a 5 minute break, so you can get some fresh air and let dad take care of baby.
2007-07-28 00:54:47 · answer #7 · answered by wanting baby3 3 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Welcome to motherhood! Baby wants Daddy for good times and fun, but Mommy when something's wrong. I think that's what we moms do, and maybe it's our job - to hover. We just have to learn to be sneaky about it. One of the best compliments I ever got was at a group picnic when my son was about four; one of the older gentleman complimented me on being a good mother. He said he'd been watching me, and I always knew where my son was, but I wasn't right on top of him. You're fine, but you do need to remember (even if it kills you, and it will) she's his baby, too. Congratulations!
2007-07-28 00:57:03 · answer #8 · answered by telaine 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
whoa sister, you need to chill out. is this your first kid? I am betting so. you will need to get over this hyper sensitivity. it won't hurt her a bit to cry a little. when she fusses and your man is handling it WALK AWAY. get over the broken heart thing or it will come back to haunt you later when you have to start disciplining.
2007-07-28 01:00:06 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋