I am delerious & I really would like to get some rest but my husband wont let me?

Question

I stay up all night with our infant, I stay awake all day with our infant, sometimes, I go without any sleep for days with our son, today, I was able to take a nap with my son and not 30 minutes later my husband is waking me up because he is bored. I am furious, and I explained to him that I am so tired I want to cry but it means nothing to him, I am awake now and of course he is sleeping peacefully, I really want to dump ice water over him and fantasizing about divorce, what would you do?

I should have been more clear, my husband is in between jobs right now, he has been home every day for the past 30 days with me, he did not wake me for loving, but to discuss job prospects, as if that could not wait till I got some rest, and I have no family to assist me, it is just me, him and the baby and no money for a sitter. I really feel like running away.

why is someone giving people thumbs down for advising me to take a nap, that makes no sense, or am I imagining that I am seeing that, like I said I am delerious.

Answer 1

I feel ya. My husband did this with our kids. Here is how it all went down, every time: "Oh honey, having a baby is such a big thing I am going to take off work so I can be there when you have him (we have all boys), then I'm going to take a whole week off to take care of you." NEVER happened, he took off the day of and for an entire week, but I was the one taking care of the babies. I remember he made me go home 2 days after my c-section to take care of all the kids, and he slept away. I was doing laundry 2 days after my c-section because he didn't any clean clothes, cooking, cleaning, you name it, I did it. It wasn't as if I didn't have something major happen. Having a baby is no big deal you know.

Oh and it never stopped. I walked the floor nights on end with our colic baby, and I was up with the one that had night mares. I still do it all. I cook clean, take care of the babies, and NEVER does he help, because that is too inconvenient. He goes to bed at 8pm, and can't sleep if I'm not there, but once a baby starts to cry suddenly he can sleep okay without me in there. I feel your pain, and I don't know how many times I thought I was dreaming, or was going to drop the baby because he didn't help out. Come to think of it, he still doesn't.

I will say this though, infants are a blessing, but I think they can hurt a marriage if both spouses are not helping out. They are so much work, and I remember doing everything by myself and dreaming of divorcing and marrying someone who actually cared.

I am sorry you are going through this, however, it does make life a little sweeter when you've created this bond with the baby because of all the time you spent with him/her, and when they get a little older they always want to be around you and sit on your lap because the two of you have that bond. Then it's a slap in the face to the person who didn't help!!!

Answer 2

I know that feeling, but it was because my husband was deployed overseas. I had a friend who used to sleep on the couch with her infant because her husband complained the baby kept him awake and he was tired!!

No human can cope without sleep for an extended period. You need to tell your husband this. Tell him he needs to take your son for a full night and see how he feels the next morning. Work out a shift - you take certain hours, he takes the others. Or he can take your son out for a walk while you nap.

Tell him that you can't be a good wife on no sleep. You have lost your sex drive and you aren't in the mood for anything. It's up to him to help find a solution.

The ice water may also work!! You should be getting more sleep in a few months, but if you leave things now you won't forget the resentment you have.

Answer 3

Get a trusted family or friend to watch your little for a few hours at there home and then you can go and take a nap. That way you can be refeshed for a bit and a little less stressed then you are now. About your hubby....I think we all want to hurt them sometimes. Maybe for an afternoon leave him with the baby and you go shopping with some friends and that way he just might understand alil' how you are feeling and leave you alone next time.

Answer 4

I feel your pain. My husband worked during the day and did not get up with any of our 4 children during the night, not even on weekends.
I did have the luxury of him being gone during the day so I could nap with the baby but that only worked with the 1st one!

I begged my mother, mother in law and close friends to share an afternoon with the kids so I could sleep for a few hours. It was enough to get me through til I could get the baby on a schedule.

Since he is not working, I would wake him each and every time I had to get up with the baby.Turn on the lights. I would wake him during the day if he napped.

And work on keeping the baby awake as much as you can during the day so he has longer sleep times at night.

Best of luck to you- you will survive!

Answer 5

sit his bored butt down and tell him to write whatever he thinks about down in a notebook and you will talk to him later if he is a good boy ---actually I think that is what is going on he is sort of jealous and wanting attention but tell him that while you understand he is looking for a job you desperatly need some help even if it is for a few hours, just three hours in the afternoon every couple of days for you to take a nap! My husband and I still to this day do every other day---unless he has to be at work really early but at least one day on the weekend is my day to sleep untill I want to get up and yes sometimes this means I lay awake in bed for hours reading or watching tv but just being there relaxing is so wonderful and it is only one day and to be honest most of the time I get up around 11am anyway (usually I'm up no later than 0730) if you are in the WI area I'd help you out

Answer 6

Get in your car, drive three houses down, lean back the seat, and nap there. No interruptions, your husband can care for the baby, AND he'll get the hint. I think divorce would be overreacting.

As for right now: get off the computer, go wake your husband, and tell him you've been thinking about his job prospects and want to discuss it further.

Answer 7

I know how you feel sweetheart. My daughter is 5yo now, but I still remember walking around like a zombie for first 6 months or so of her life. My husband couldn't understand what I was going through. So, I decided to teach him. One morning before he had a chance to leave for office, I informed him that I am taking a day off. 'As a babysitter, cook and a cleaning lady I deserve a break', I've said. He was shocked, but stayed home to take care of our baby. I went to my parent's home and slept for 17 hours straight. He almost lost his mind. My baby was colicky, so she did cry a lot. My mother was worried, so she went to help in the evening. When I finally got home next day, he was asking me why I never told him how hard taking care of the baby was and why I never asked him for help. Smile. Men seem to have a selective hearing. Best wishes to you sweetheart! Remember: no matter how hard this time is, even that shall pass...

Answer 8

I would dump a ******* bucket of ice water on him. If that didn't work I would hold a lighter under his feet for a while. Marrige is a commitment, to work as a team. Try and sit down and send him that message, make sure he knows that he doesn't have an option. It isn't a matter of honey do you want to go get the baby or do you want me to, its get the damn baby or I'm going to be hospitalized for sleep depravation.

Answer 9

you really need to try and stay calm and talk to your husband about how tired you are..

This happened to me as my son would not sleep, he was on medication and all sorts of treatments, I was exhausted and i could picture myself throwing my son etc.. i ended up with depression and exhaustion.. do talk to your husband and tell him he needs to let you nap your body has to catch up on its rest after having a baby as well as your mind.. If he doesnt listen, go ahead and throw the ice water over him see how he likes being kept awake for hours on end...

good luck

Answer 10

Tell him to F-off and leave you alone if you don't want to be bugged. I found that what worked with both of my kids is to just put them in the bed with me. That was practically the only way for me to get any sleep. Don't worry, it will get better, just hang in there and make sure you drink a cup of coffee when you get up in the morning. Better yet, if he doesn't appreciate what you are doing, then hand the baby to him and see how long he manages without you coming to the rescue. Lock yourself in the bathroom and take a hot bubble bath. good luck.