§! Another TOUGH one...How about a little story that includes these phrases?

Question

1. With all due respect... he's a raving, incompetent psychotic.
2. Are moose carnivorous?
3. I think I'm in love with Darth Vader.
4. I'm paying seven-hundred dollars a month and I got rats with bongos and a cockroach who sings.
5. It's pithy yet degenerate.
6. He'll be in the back of the synagogue, away from God, far from the action.

►►I AM DEFINITELY CLOSING ON SATURDAY, BY 8PM, EST.
THESE STORIES ARE BLOWING ME AWAY !!!!!! ◄◄

Answer 1

“WHY, after 50 golden years of marriage, are you dumping Dad?” screamed Amy.

Her mom, Mabel, simply shrugged. “I think I'm in love with Darth Vader.”

“With all due respect,” seethed Amy, trying not to make any eye contact with the Dark Lord of the Sith, sitting a few pews behind them, “he's a raving, incompetent psychotic!”

“Are moose carnivorous?” pondered Vader aloud, reading a Highlights Magazine upside down, “I’ve always wanted to hire a moose to look over my hamster farm.”

“Besides,” continued Amy, her face now a beet-red with beads of sweat erupting around her livid green eyes, “Dad pumped his heart and soul into that night club! YOU are his partner!”

Mabel shook her head. “I'm paying seven-hundred dollars a month and I got rats with bongos and a cockroach who sings, that’s all we got for talent,” she said, turning briefly to blow a kiss to the Dark Lord. He pretended to catch it in mid-air, and stamp it against his forehead.

“It's pithy yet degenerate,” said Amy, breaking down, “my little world, my family…all that I cared for and believed in, going to this. Oh Lord, take me now!”

“Okay,” boomed a voice from high above, and the next second the synagogue roof was lifted off, and a giant vacuum-cleaner nozzle appeared. It sucked the screaming woman into the darkness, as her mother walked over to Darth Vader and helped him with the “Word-Jumble” puzzle at the back of the magazine..

“It…was…only…a…figure…of… ..SPEECH!” cried Amy.

After the building’s roof was lovingly patted back into place, Darth suddenly became aware of a curious hooded figure in the very back row. It looked back at him with pointed ears and a sly wave of its hand.

“Pretend not here I am you will do,” he commanded.

“Mabel,” whispered Vader, nervously, “should I really ignore Yoda’s presence?”

Mabel grunted. “He'll be in the back of the synagogue, away from God, far from the action. Now let’s see if we can’t help the Eskimo girl trace her way back to the village,” she said, turning to yet another puzzle-page for the eager Sith Lord.

“You rock, Mabel! I’m going to take you home to Master tonight!”

“Not tonight, it’s meat loaf night at the nursing home,” said the woman, fumbling for the right crayon, “but let’s try Tuesday instead, sweetie. That’ll give me time to bake a cobbler.”

Meanwhile, back in the darkness of his lair at the Death Star, Darth Siduous cradled his long, pale fingers together and smiled ominously. He liked cobbler…..

END

Answer 2

I rented a new apartment last month. I'm paying seven-hundred dollars a month, and I got rats with bongos and a cockroach who sings. It's a bit loud, but entertaining. I decided to start charging for the entertainment, and even got a mouse to preform stand up comedy last night. The best joke of the night was "Are moose carnivorous? .... well, only if you are dressed as a salad." This lead one of the patrons to shout out " with all due respect.. he's a raving, incompetent psychotic"; which leads me to believe that the patron must have been a moose lover.
As far as the area goes, it's not bad. I met a guy the other week, we started dating. I think I'm in love with Darth Vader. That's the guy's name; it's pity, yet degenerate. I took him to my synagogue the other day. He really wasn't that into it... said something about being loyal to Darth Maul. So, for now... he'll be at the back of the synagogue, away from God, far from the action.

There ya go.. used all sentences.. enjoy!

Answer 3

Whoa! This was a hard one. Hope you like it....

Alex and Charlie were roommates. Had been all through college, and after that neither one had gone on to the stereotypical path of finding the all-American dream. It had been 10 years since graduation, but finding a wife and settling down in a cookie cutter style rambler in the suburbs didn't suit either one of them. The problem was, they were two square pegs in round holes. Who would want a flamboyant, surreal artist or a rabid, dyed-in-the-wool animal activist? So they stayed together in their ratty little apartment, each consumed with his own passion, the one common denominator between them their odd and intense personalities.

When Alex rolled in that Friday night, Charlie was busily engaged in painting a mural on the living room ceiling. "Jesus Ch**st!" said Alex, "Do you think this place is the Sistine Chapel? This dump is bad enough without you plastering weird creatures on the ceiling, Charlie! I'm paying seven hundred dollars a month and I got rats with bongos and a cockroach who sings! And who is that guy in the black cape with the light saber?" "Think about it," said Charlie, "you know, the whole Star Wars thing. I think I'm in love with Darth Vader. I had to paint him in that corner. It balances out the whole feng shui of the ceiling. It's pithy yet degenerate. Kind of a nice touch, actually."

Alex gave up on the discussion, went into their tiny kitchen and got himself a beer out of the fridge. "Charlie, did you see the news tonight? That Rabbi Menachem Ben What's-His-Face is on one again about his "kosher" animals. He makes my blood boil! No one should be mistreating those poor beasts!" "But Alex," said Charlie, "I don't think he's doing anything wrong." "Oh, what would you know," yelled Alex,"he's getting them ready to slaughter! Murderer!" "Calm down," said Charlie,"he's not doing anything wrong, really." "How can you say that? With all due respect...he's a raving, incompetent psychotic! Charlie, we've got to do something about this. Did you ever watch the movie 'Bless the Beasts and the Children'? We've got to get them away from him".

The argument went on for several hours. Finally, Charlie gave in and agreed to help Alex with his plan. At midnight they arrived at the Jewish Center, but found the holding pen on the property was empty. "Charlie, they've moved the animals! My God! Maybe they're already lamb chops and hamburger!" Just then they heard a noise behind one of the buildings. Charlie said, "look, Alex, it's a big one. Oh my God! Are moose carnivorous?" "You dope," said Alex, "that's not a moose. It's a cow - or a bull. Let's get him away from here. "Maybe he's a holy cow, Alex," said Charlie uncertainly. We should leave him alone." "C'mon," said Alex, "let's move him somewhere away from here. He'll be in the back of the synogogue, away from God, far from the action."

They were moving the bull when all hell broke loose. the bull decided to go for a little run with Charlie and Alex in hot pursuit. Soon he was galloping at top speed down the street, where he met the mayor's Cadillac in a head-on collision. The mayor was unscathed, but the bull and the car didn't survive. Alex and Charlie ended up cooling their heels in the slammer. "Well, Alex, this is another fine mess you've gotten us into," said Charlie, "but you know, this wall here has potential. I can just picture a cockroach quartet painted right along here..." Alex sighed. Some things never change, he thought.

Answer 4

I can't believe it. I staked my entire savings, my friendships, my life in general, not to mention my collection of prized porcelien elephants to make this one move. It is that whole life dream of a small town girl - to get out of the perfectly normal and beautiful farm town you grew up in just to move to the hustle and bustle, no-one-knows-your-name cities. For what, smog?? Starless nights?? What then? I'm paying seven-hundred dollars a month and I got rats with bongos and a cockroach who sings.
Okay, this might just be a low point. But if you only knew what kind of day I had you would understand! See I am a receptionist, therapist-in-waiting, at a counseling center. All day I get to hang out with the crazy people waiting for their fix, or their perscription drug waver. They of course love to vent on the receptionist, me, while they wait.
Thursdays at ten is the support group for newly-divorvced, let's not forget lonely, and bitter women. This for me is training. Ladies screaming at the top of their lungs, while standing on tables, or jumping on chairs "With all due respect... he's a raving, incompetent psychotic." Yeah...right...he's the crazy one. More than once I have left those sessions with a black eye.
And then at three is my forty-five minute session for those with the real imaginations. Every week there is a new 'mental illness' introduced to the group: This weeks award-winners were Motivational Deficit Disorder, or MDD, the condition is characterized by a pervasive lack of motivation and a sense of purposelessness in life. - I personally call it laziness, but whatever floats your boat,
or Carnivoraphobia, by the way thats not even a word I checked - it is just some lame excuse for one of the patients to chronically yell out "Are moose carnivorous?" five minutes later, "Are dogs carnivorous?" and the like. It is pithy yet degenerate.
But today was the worst, we rescheduled our "living with others" class from monday to today, which by the way if you are like thirty-five shouldn't you know how to live with people?? But this one is great because you get to spend an entire hour trying to help just plain angry people. Topic of todays discussion was learning to understand - not everyone is the same. I thought everyone knew that, but luckily instead of discussing the lesson everyone was in deep contemplation as to where one of the members were. I tried to tell them, he just forgot we switched days, but hey you can't make people listen. Many were angry at his absense, some deeply hurt. Other spouting off where they thought he was - "He was abducted by aliens, I saw the special last night", "I know that he is lying dead in a ditch somewhere" or randomly "He'll be in the back of the synagogue, away from God, far from the action."
And at the end of the day I get to come home to scruffles the cat, and to watch star wars. Yeah as if all that wasn't bad enough I think I'm in love with Darth Vader. So I chose the job to help the people, and what a worthy cause. But forgive me my obvious displeasure. I think today desrves at the very least that.

Answer 5

J leaned casually against his car, watching traffic through his dark sunglasses, while he waited for K to retrieve things from his apartment.
K came down the steps, lightly touched the sidewalk, and came to a stop beside J. He brushed flecks off his dark suit jacket and then looked at the paper in his hand. "I'm paying seven hundred a month," he muttered, "and I got rats with bongos and a cockroach who sings."
J made a sympathetic noise. "The worms are happy with four cartons of cigarettes and some burgundy." He gazed out at traffic. "So where do we find this Pharisee of Arama?"
"The Temple of Elohim." K took his glasses out and put them on as he looked at the traffic. "He'll be in the back of the synagouge, away from God, far fromthe action."
"So it should be a simple snatch and run?"
"He's a Pharisee. With all due respect...he's a raving incompetent psychotic," K replied, stepping off the curb. "I'll drive."
J got in and they drove smoothly out into traffic. K began humming a song, tapping his fingers on the steering wheel and J turned a questioning look on him. "Sorry," K said. "The roach had a pithy but degenerate ballad and it stuck in my head."
J said nothing, turning his attention to their surroundings. K swung the car into the synagouge driveway, found a parking space, and they both got out. They took off their dark glasses, folded them, and placed them inside their suits. Then they made their way into the building.
K looked around. "There he is," he whispered and pointed to a hunched figure sitting in a corner. J looked at the strange creature with its antlers and floppy ears.
"Bullwinkle?" he whispered back. "We're snatching Bullwinkle?"
"Are moose carnivorous?" K shot back. "He is."
They moved over to the seated creature. "Pharisee," K whispered. "I wonder if we could have a word with you outside?"
The creature moved and J realized it hadn't been sitting at all but was merely very short and hunched, its antlers wider than it was tall.
They stopped out in the driveway, in the lights of the building. "Pharisee," K said, "Q has received word that you are needed back on your planet."
"When?" the creature replied, its voice sounding so much like Donald Duck, J had to hide a smile. "I have a movie I want to see. I'm not going until I've seen it. I think I'm in love with Darth Vader."
J turned completely, as though he was interested in the people inside the temple. K scowled at him and J tried to keep his laughter under control.
"I have the solution, your eminence," K said, smoothly taking the DVD out of his jacket. "You can watch the entire
triology from the comfort of your own....uh, method of transportation. Won't have anyone kicking your seat or throwing popcorn. And no one complaining they can't see past your antlers."
"Thank you, K." The creature took the poffered case. "I bid you both good-bye. Shalom." It disappeared into a curtain of silver sparkles and the sparkles faded.
J looked approvingly at his partner. "Best snatch we ever had," he remarked.
"Better than any we've done," K replied, getting his car keys out and beeping the locks off. J looked a question at him and K opened the door of the car. "I put that **** singing roach in there before I closed the DVD case."
"You're the man," J said. They got in and the car swung out and turned back toward the city.