I have a good husband. He is a good father to my one year old daughter, he helps me clean sometimes, and he is mostly sensitive to my feelings. However, he is generally uninterested in me unless he wants to have sex. He will not talk to me for hours at a time, and I feel like I am living with a miserable person. When we go out with my family he is bored and unexcitable. He does not take me on dates or surprise me with any romantic gestures. I am 22 and he is 30, and while at first i didnt think age was an issue, I am begining to think that I am too young for him. I want to have fun, especially after a difficult year working full time and taking care of a growing baby. I feel like the best solution is to separate, because it is too late to work on our marriage. I cheated on him. (he's unaware ) I do not feel I am a bad person for what I did, I think I have just given up on my marriage. He says he will change, and I believe him, I just dont know if I care anymore.
2007-07-27 15:37:50 · 22 answers · asked by Gitana 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Age has nothing to do with it... You both need to go to a marriage counselor... Go NOW... if he really wants to change he can... please dont give up yet.... until you have tried everything to make it work...then if you have to separate at least you cant say you didnt try......... and no more cheating.....that wont solve anything, only makes for more guilt...
2007-07-27 15:42:04 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
you owe it to your baby and your vows to at least try to find a resolution. Some of the angst you are feeling could be fueled by the changes in lifestyle you've recently had. While you were childless, you more than likely had a lot of fun together. But a baby changes everything. It is NOT too late to save your marriage. You need to try to schedule some vacation time with just you and your husband. Let Grandma keep the baby for a week and just you and your husband have a nice little vacation somewhere romantic and fun. It will either
a. provide you with some real talk time where you can hash things out and explain how you are feeling to him,
b. rekindle the flame that was there before you got married,
c. all of the above,
or
d. if it doesn't go that well and you & your husband don't get along, you will at least know that you didn't give up without an honest attempt at keeping it together.
You should also be prepared to listen - chances are, he's got a beef with you too.
I hope you also get some counseling, there's a lot going on in your life and you really need to talk to someone third party who knows a lot about this stuff and can give you some sound advice. Good luck, and I hope you can save your marriage and make it stronger.
2007-07-27 22:46:58 · answer #2 · answered by Insomniac Butterfly 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Do not divorce him because he does not seem to be a bad guy, he just needs help. Actually you both do, try getting marriage counseling and see how that goes. Give it a chance, remember the grass is not always greener on the other side. I could also understand why you cheated on him because you do need to have excitement in your life. Cheating does not make it better, it only makes you want to get out of the marriage alot faster. For some reason when you are having problems in your marriage it seems like every man you meet is so much better then your husband. But when you give those other men an opportunity to be with them they are alot worse then your husband. Good Luck to you!!!
2007-07-27 23:12:55 · answer #3 · answered by Vicky 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You started out by saying: "I have a good husband" then you trashed him. Then you trashed him again by having an affair. Who is disinterested in WHO? He is sensitive about your feelings and you want to LEAVE HIM?? You are talking in circles! Now what if he signs on to your computer and sees this question? Women are out there trying to SAVE their marriage with less to work with! Age was not an issue...you are making it one!
You have a baby with this man...the NIGHT LIFE has stopped! OVER! GONE! It is your baby's turn for all the night life! When that baby is 22 you will only be 41 years old. You will have it made in the SHADE!! You will be young, alive, and your husband will only be 52 years old!! You guys will go on vacations...you will have the world by the butt!! Your friends will still be raising their kids and the two of you will have life all DONE !!
Don't talk and be bad!! Sounds like you have a man that is workable. Work things out !!
2007-07-27 22:52:27 · answer #4 · answered by Jeannine 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I get the funny feeling from reading your question that things could still work out for the better.
First, I don't think 8 years is a too wide of an age gap. 78 and 70 isn't really that much different. And when your lives are that old you won't care either.
No, I don't think you should separate. I think your relationship can work. If it worked before it can work again.
Maybe he is having problems acheiving satisfaction from his career. Maybe he isn't loving himself. He can't love you until he loves himself.
My son Christopher is here and he read your question. He is 9 and he thinks that you should separate. He says because your living with a miserable person.
2007-07-27 23:09:33 · answer #5 · answered by Jeff W 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No i dont think you should leave god there are marriages out there that is worse than your so he doesnt talk to big deal that doesnt mean you divorce your husband.. we always expect the guys to excite us, buy us gift, take us out why dont you try some of those things and see how it goes plan a romantic dinner just the 2 of you..maybe plan a short weekend holiday maybe he has issues ask him and help him out if he does his not the bad person here he never CHEATED ON YOU so you really dont have the right. think of the child before you think of yourself and your needs if you wanted to have fun partying and whatever you should of never gotten married!
2007-07-27 23:03:08 · answer #6 · answered by angi3 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry to hear about your problems. Why don't you go talk to someone professional.....someone who will give you perspective on the problem. A marriage is not to be taken lightly...neither is a child's future in regards to her father and vice versa. Cheating on him doesn't mean its over, and it is wrong of you to have cheated. He is a good husband, he is a good father. Don't fall into that media or culture driven propaganda that would have you believe that your man will be 100% focussed on you all the time and interested in every word that comes to your lips and sweeps you off your feet romantically on numerous unexpected occasions.
Give it a shot. Give him a shot. You can always walk out, but can you hang around?
2007-07-27 22:48:48 · answer #7 · answered by Maya's Angel 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should accept him for the way he is and see his positive side. Have a talk with him and help him see your side of things and maybe he'll agree and make some changes but don't expect a major transformation but he could make some effort. Your age isn't an issue, he is likely happy having lots of quiet time to relax and does get bored with traditional type of things. Compatibility issue? Yes. If these things mean that much to you, perhaps you should breakup unless you are willing to compromise.
2007-07-27 22:48:05 · answer #8 · answered by ? 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think age is the issue. It is the maturity level that is an issue here. Men and women are different in their communication styles. And if the only complaint you have is he doesnt talk to you enough, is somewhat boring. Sure you should let him go; so he can find a women who appreciates a good man. You will be very sorry... And just incase you did not know, cheating is wrong and a break in your committment. Grow up you are a mother now... Set a good example... God bless****
2007-07-27 22:44:34 · answer #9 · answered by ? 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
its not too late if you want it and you guys need to work on both your issues. You need to make a plan so you guys can go out on a date, like you want. You also need to "hang on him a little" and make him feel special to you and much as you want to feel special to him. This crap takes work and you cant just go out and cheat at the smallest sign of trouble.
the interest in you only for sex is most likely a misconception. You both have huge responsibilities now and dont have enough time to "butter each other up"...you have to realize hes struggling with his lack of free time as much as you are.
Sometimes this works and sometimes it unforutantely doesnt. but you havent given it a full go as you only been married a short while.
2007-07-27 22:52:33 · answer #10 · answered by Mergler 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, you married too early in life.
That is a choice you have made so live with it for your child.
After you decided to get married and then have a child, you need to raise this child in this family as disfunctional as it may seem for the sake of the child.
When you decided to have a child you gave up you for them. Grow up. This is life.
You will fall in and out of love with your mate at least 1,000 times over the course of 35-40 years.
You are being selfish for thinking only of yourself. If he's an ***, deal with him. You can do it!
If you insist on failure (divorce) wait untill the kid is 10.
2007-07-27 22:44:53 · answer #11 · answered by USA 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋