abusive boyfriend?

Question

My boyfriend put his hands on me yesterday for the second time ever. The first time, he strangled me till I passed out. He promised he would never put his hands on me again. But, Yesterday, he pushed me around, punched me in the arm, shook me, grabbed me roughly, sat on me and spit in my face, and basically just rough-housed me.

So yesterday I went to the police, pressed charges, and got a restraining order against him. I cannot be in an abusive relationship, and I no longer trust that he will not do it again. I'm also two months pregnant with his child.

For some odd reason though, I feel as if I over-reacted this time. I feel bad for going to the police. He is begging for forgiveness, and he said that we need to try to make our relationship work for the sake of the baby. He offered to go to counseling too.

What is your opinion? Did I do the right thing by going to the police?

Answer 1

Of course you did, I don't believe the "I promise I'll never do it again" thing, it's BS. My sister went through a relationship like that, he would do it, and after the fact of the matter, the same thing, I promise I'll never do it again, and like always, he lied, and did it again.
Last time he did, he pointed a gun at her head, and shot her, God was watching over her and she dodged that bullet, missing her and her son. He also threatened to kill my nephew, he pointed the gun at him several times, and told her that if she called the cops or tried to do something to him, he would kill my nephew (I don't like to say his son, because I don't think a real father would ever do that).
He ran her out of the state, he didn't let her take anything, he stripped searched her before she left, the baby had no shoes or diaper on, she only had a pair or pants, her shoes and a sweatshirt, because that's all he allowed her to take.
Honey, get out of the relatioship now that you are still on time, don't wait until later, it might be to late. You are pregnant, he had no right to do that to you, what if he would have hit you hard? You maybe could have lost your baby. He has no heart, he had no right to do that, it was your life and his childs life at risk, and he didn't care.
I know this is difficult, but he'll never change, and risking your life, or your childs life, just to see if he might, is not worth it.
Your life is to precious, and you've been blessed with a child, don't throw that away because you feel bad, because you called te cops, you did the right thing. I don't think you should even be considering going back with him. He did it once, he was going to do it again, and he did, and it wont stop.
My father did it to my mother, right before they got divorced, she allowed him to do it, he did it again, and again, until once my brother had to get involved. My grandmother received abuse from my grandfather for many, many years, until she finally stood up for herself, and hit him on the face with a hot pan. From there on he still did it a few times, but he eventually stopped, because he knew that she would stand up for herself. But it lasted years, and by then she was older.
I blessed with a great man, he respects me, and loves our children, I thank God for not letting me go through anything of that.
Why risk having your child growing up with traumas, or fears, or insecurities. That little one depends on you, and every choice you make will affect hi/her life as well. Your little miracle comes before anything else, you need to think what is better for him/her, growing up in a violent home with a father setting a bad example, or in a stable home with a loving mother, but in peace, with no fears, or bad examples?
Don't be afraid of rasing your child on your own, it's hard, but not imposible. Give your child the life he/she deserves.
God bless you sweetie, and please think things through before going back with that animal, talk to your family and friends, they will give you all the support you need to go on with your life, and help you with your baby.

Answer 2

Any woman that stays in that type of relationship has serious image issues. Dominant men find your weaknesses and exploit them, making it that much harder to leave. They ruin your self-esteem, make you question your self-worth, and generally reduce your ego to nothing. Given all that, it becomes increasingly more difficult to leave that relationship because the woman will feel like she can't do any better, and in some cases will actually feel that they deserve the abuse they are forced to take. The bottom line is that nobody is better than anyone else. Nobody deserves to be abused, mentally or physically. Men who treat women that way are actually weaker than the women they hurt. There are lots of men out there who will treat women as they should be treated... with respect. There is absolutely no benefit to being in an abusive relationship. Those small fleeting moments of happiness when he does something nice are all negated by all the badness. I hear women say "but he does the nicest things for me" or "he loves me". If he loved you, he would treat you as an equal and not as a punching bag, physical or otherwise. Leaving a relationship can be a scary thing. And with your self-esteem ruined, you will have doubts as to whether you can meet someone else. The first thing you have to do is rediscover yourself. Think of yourself as the person you once were, and the person you want to be. If you act as though you are the person you want to be... Eventually, it won't be an act.

Answer 3

Yes, press full charges. That way he will be forced to get help.
For the sake of the child?! He is full of it. What was he thinking of his child when he was abusing you. No not rough housing, thats straight up abuse.
No one deserves that. You can always do and find better. If you want him in your life keep him at a lengthy distnace until you see major improvement. Don't give him another chance so next time he kills the baby or both of you. Ya know kinda like once a cheat always a cheat, once an abuser always an abuser.

Answer 4

you did the right thing, you shouldn't feel bad about going to the police, keep the charges you have against him and don't let him talk you into dropping the restraining order you need it in place for your safety as well as your unborn baby, he needs serious help and he will benefit more from it as long as the two of you are apart and no longer in a relationship, just because he offered to go to counseling doesn't mean he will, take the time apart to get yourself together financially and emotionally and keep a safe distance from him as well...

Answer 5

So what are you going to do when you see, someday, your boyfriend choking your child? Of course he is going to charm his way back into your heart. You are putting up with his violent behavior and he knows there aren't too many women out there that would. You did the right thing by going to the police...however, you should've packed up your things and left until he has completed his counseling and he can't just go a few times. He has a serious problem and he is capable of seriously harming you. You are lucky that you didn't die when he choked you. You don't want to risk your unborn child's life and it's not fair to the baby to bring him/her into HIS world.

Answer 6

Run as fast as you can the opposite way from him!

Yes, I firmly believe you did the right thing by going to the police. You were assaulted even if he is your boyfriend and father of your child. You have your and the baby's safety to consider. Stay away from him...the abuse will not stop...will only get worse!

Please do this for yourself, your baby and the people that really love you.

Prayers to you and your baby.

Answer 7

Stay away from him...I promise it will only get worse,about the police you absolutely did the right thing, these kinda guys are usually very charming and hes trying to lure you back in,be strong.Take it from a pro,never for get these words,please leave.

Answer 8

Abusive people DO NOT change. Lose his name, address and phone number. With the restraining order he should NOT be having ANY contact with you.

You did the right thing. Next time he could kill you.

Answer 9

Hmm I think its stupid that you feel bad about going to the police... its a good thing that you did. If he's abusive then you dont need to be with him its not fair to you or your baby.

Answer 10

Run!!!!! Run away as fast as you possibly can. Do NOT get back with him. You did the TOTALLY right thing by going to the police.