Believe me, it's not 'for the kids'. I would have much preferred they got a divorce in my early teens. I realized it when I was eleven, that their marriage had failed. It wasn't my idea. I was for a divorce.
2007-07-27 13:06:08 · 25 answers · asked by wife of Ali Pasha 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
maybe it's just easier for them to stay married for financial reasons. believe, there's got to be something or they would divorce. you'd be suprised by how many people do this. then there's the other extreme. my grandparents got a divorce in their 60's, but he was at her house every single day after til the day he died. go figure.
2007-07-27 13:09:05 · answer #1 · answered by Cathrine K 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Could be a number of reasons. It's hard to say without knowing your parents. But because I know older couples in similar situations I'd say it's a generational thing, more than anything. I've even asked an older woman in that situation, why don't you just leave? She looked at me like I was nuts. She went from ranting and raving about her husband to changing the subject nervously. Sometimes I think when things go wrong in a marriage, there's a small window of time where you decide right then and there to stay or leave. If you stay, which most people did years ago, it seems the more you grow used to the problems. The problems and that person become a way of life and you can't imagine life without either. It seems like that's where your parents are.
2007-07-27 20:21:43 · answer #2 · answered by Tolina 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It could be a combination of things. My father is married to his second wife and from about the 4th year (now going on 27 years) there was no relationship left, they just cohabitate in the same house. My dad says it's because of medical benefits, but I think it's a combination of that and strong belief in his vows, for better or worse, for him anyway. I've had 3 divorces and he has never judged me in that way, and applauds the fact that I can get through all that. It may be that he just doesn't want to go through the mess that I went through and have it eat up his entire pension, when he is already retired. I think the financial situation has a lot to do with it. Plus, it could be stubbornness. Neither one wants to be the one to be blamed for actually filing for divorce, so they each stick it out waiting for the other one to do something about it.
2007-07-27 20:16:00 · answer #3 · answered by Linda K 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sad story but a familiar one. I wish I could give you some good answers. My mom passed away last October, still hating my dad. It was so sad to see her go down hill fast without accepting the love and concern my father finally showed her. It made her even more angry that he showed her so much love and concern , only on her death bed. Sorry you are living with this. All I can say is that it has made me never want this kind of relationship ever. It makes me try harder with my marriage and forget the little things that don't really matter. Best of Luck !
2007-07-27 21:02:28 · answer #4 · answered by AskMe 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How old is elderly? It is not fair for you to say they should have divorced- Stuff happens- Maybe they could not afford 2 separate lives so they had enough money to put you kids in college- Give them a break- I am sure they would have rather lived apart if it was that bad- Just you try to learn from your experiences and wait before you jump into a marriage- Try to forget the past and move forward- Good luck :)
2007-07-27 20:11:24 · answer #5 · answered by sunflower 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
At some level your parents are getting something they need from the relationship. They may not even realise it themselves, but i would be willing to be that there is a family history of relationships like this on both sides of the family. I can see my own families issues now after 4 years of therapy, and are able to tolerate my families oddities a lot better now. It is easier to divorce myself from the behaviours that troubled me in the past. Especially once I realised that it wasn't up to me to try to make everyone happy, that each individual is responsible for their own happiness. Anyway, they can live their lives as they will, and you can interact with them as you are willing to do, remembering that if you need to protect yourself you should do.
2007-07-27 20:28:18 · answer #6 · answered by kiwibarb11 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Most likely money is the issue. Older folks are on such limited funds. By the time the kids are raised, their income is down - and it truly is extremely difficult to find the cold hard cash to split apart and live separately. It is a hard situation to be in. Whatever the reason, your parents are in a prison and they have ruined their lives. What a pity.
2007-07-27 20:38:35 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
They stayed together for YOU because like so many others they felt that a bad example is better then no example at all.
So did my parents by the way and I wish they hadn't bothered. Kids need stability, not parents that couldn't prepare cornflakes without fighting.
BTW: Parents that do it also give their kids one HUGE guilt trip. All that suffering for ME? You need not have bothered dear parents. I can love you both just as well in one house as in two.
Oh yea, the earlier answer was correct as well. Some people stay together because they get a kick out of being miserable.
2007-07-27 20:13:47 · answer #8 · answered by philip_jones2003 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
They probably don't hate each other as much as you think they do. Many couples have a hate/love relationship. I bet when one dies, the other will feel lost. Marriage is a very complicated matter, and the glue that hold some together will forever be a mystery.
2007-07-27 20:28:40 · answer #9 · answered by 13th Floor 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Old ways die hard. Divorce is common now but the idea for an older couple to do this is rare. Set in the ways of their parents the just can't do it.
2007-07-27 20:16:25 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋