This is about marriage. I see many wisecracks about men becoming henpecked, spineless wimps after so many years of marriage. This is a harmful stereotype.
Having been married for over 20 years myself, I understand that keeping a marriage together requires compromise, and a healthy dose of humility. Are these comments all in good fun, or is there something really demeaning about giving in on some issues for the good of the marriage?
2007-07-27 12:52:52 · 18 answers · asked by not yet 7 in Social Science ➔ Gender Studies
celticwaverider illustrates my point - his definition is the fallacy, the unhealthy stereotype on which the question is based.
Most of the respondents grasp my point...that compromise is a necessary part of a healthy long term relationship, AND that compromise must be a two-way street.
2007-07-28 03:14:15 · update #1
Happy Bullet - It's a question, not a debate. There is no "premise" here, just a question about how seriously I should take it when I hear a man comment on being "henpecked."
Your over-reaction has caused you to waste a lot of time and energy feeding your hate. I pity you.
2007-07-28 03:19:08 · update #2
No, it is not un-manly to compromise when the circumstances are obviously stressed.
Rigidity almost never helps a relationship work smoothly.
A common question regarding people's inability to compromise is "Do you want to be right, or do you want to be happy?"
2007-07-27 13:02:56 · answer #1 · answered by HyperDog 7 · 5⤊ 1⤋
I certainly don't think so. Our nation was not precisely "founded" on the principles of compromise, but it has certainly grown and lasted because of them.
To address the internal part of your question more concretely, however, the jokes about hen-pecked (or pussy-whipped) men don't revolve around compromise (at least I HOPE that's not what women consider to be compromise); they revolve around a man constantly saying "Yes, dear" and giving in on every single issue.
No person, let alone a man, would want to have to give in and concede on every single issue, work their *** off for money just so that their spouse could spend it, be yelled at for constantly dong things "wrong," etc., etc., etc....
I don't think compromise is "manly," but I don't think it's really "womanly" either. People compromise all the time so it's difficult for me to say.
The comments are in good fun, I'm sure, but like I said above, the thing that's really demeaning is having to give in on not some but all of the issues.
2007-07-27 20:07:52 · answer #2 · answered by Robinson0120 4 · 5⤊ 1⤋
I my self totally don't fall for this BS
soon as some folks realize that compromise or the old give and take of a marriage is what makes them work the longer they will be able to have a marriage. try one with out it and you will find your self a statistic of the old divorce rate.
2007-07-28 01:09:25 · answer #3 · answered by just another man 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Each one should submit to the other when it is an issue of common good.
However, to be submissive to another's personal demands because the other simply wishes power for power's sake in the relationship, then that is wrong.
A distinction has to be made between the two principles.
.
2007-07-28 07:27:56 · answer #4 · answered by canx_mp058 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think in the US, it's un-American to compromise. How often do we hear our political leaders say they want to kick some you-know-what? Where do men or women in the US learn how to communicate well, discuss matters peacefully, and assertively negotiate?
Add to that the people who grow up in dysfunctional families that are violent or passive-aggressive, as well as people who have to live and/or work in violent communities, it's a wonder we have functioning communities or workplaces.
And yes, I think there still is quite a bit of a sexist stigma for men who compromise and for women who are assertive. You're right, if you want to have a healthy adult relationship you need to have two partners who respect each other and can communicate their needs. But our society isn't supportive of mature relationships. Hopefully that will change?
2007-07-27 20:47:27 · answer #5 · answered by edith clarke 7 · 4⤊ 2⤋
I think compromise is the only way to let a marriage work - as well as honesty, truthfullness and faithful. I don't think it is un-manly for a guy to partake in these things, it just means that he's one of the few smart males out there!
2007-07-27 20:01:28 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 5⤊ 1⤋
Of course not, every relationship requires negotiation and compromise. Nobody gets everything they want all the time.
2007-07-28 00:40:34 · answer #7 · answered by KIT J 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
They are abusive statements toward men. If they were about women there would be a bunch of us rallying against it.
However most jokes demean some group or someone...these are jokes. We could probably learn a thing or two from these men who have enough self esteem to laugh along.
2007-07-28 01:18:48 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
Henpecking cure:
I have a rule of thumb that works for me.
You can sometimes tell your partner what to do (...asking nicely is always better than telling).
You can sometimes tell your partner *how* to do something.
But you should never, never tell them *what* to do _and_ *how* to do it (unless, of course they ask for advice).
Try that for a while.
Whether you are a man or woman, I think you will find it works well.
2007-07-27 20:07:56 · answer #9 · answered by Buddha-rama 4 · 6⤊ 0⤋
I would think it would be the opposite. That's it's manly to rationalize and compromise.
But after more consideration, I think this really depends on the person.
2007-07-27 20:17:03 · answer #10 · answered by Nep 6 · 5⤊ 1⤋