My wife cheated and told me 2 years later what the heck do I do? We've been married 6 years, two kids.?

Question

Yesterday my wife told me she slept with "some guy" 2 years ago. She says she is sorry and I think she is but I feel like she's been lying to me for 2 years. We have two kids. I don't even know how to talk to her anymore, I'm just mad and sad. She is the one I have always confided in and now I don't feel like I have anyone to talk to. I just feel broken.

Answer 1

Well I don't know how you are but if my wife said that to me i would be pissed and i would get a divorce...cheating is wrong and you need to take some time to figure out what you want to do...but just be warned once a cheater always a cheater...no matter what anyone says, if she cheated once she will cheat again, and probably already has and just didn't tell you

Answer 2

Would you have preferred that she had not told you at all??

How did you feel about her before she told you? Why would that change your feelings towards her??

If she had the courage/sense to tell you know, you should pay attention and seek marriage counseling, she maybe trying to avoid "divorcing" you.

Trust is essential to every relationship, but if she had continued to cheat during the past two years, then I would understand your frustration.

I'm sorry for your confused state of mind, but if you love her and your children, then why tear up a family, for something that happened two years ago?? Let her know how much you hurt, and that healing takes time, but if you decide to forgive her, then you cannot hold this against her in the future.

Love doesn't end abruptly, at least not when it's real love. Put your pride aside, stay strong, and focus on what you have to lose, if you cannot forgive.

Answer 3

DIVORCE IS NOT THE ANSWER. It's not like she made a career out of cheating. Ahhh. As a married woman and a psych major myself, I am pretty sure she has not lied about anything, and the only thing even though it deems major she has done was, not told you. Yes she did it, guilt eats a woman like you wouldn't believe. I divorced my husband only to run right back to him, with a clean head and knowing how to talk to him now after almost two years. There was something within her she was holding on to that allowed her to do what she did. And now that she finally swallowed her pride and told you, after she beat herself up everytime she looked at you, heard your voice, and especially everytime she hears you say "you love her" and the way she's has now noticed you treat her, (the way a wife needs to be treated). Overwhelmed her to be truthful with her. You still have your wife and although we woman are stubborn and it takes some of us to do stupid things to realize, "home was fine, it was my a** that was tripping". She's a better wife for you now that she has brought it to you as only a woman that loves her husband knows how. This too shall pass. Hang in there and you can talk to her. Trust me that's one of the things she needs from you the most. TALK about it. The two of you have 6 years under the bridge, it takes a lot to start over and a marriage is always worth the effort. Make it to the 50 year mark. You can do it no one said it would be easy. Boy do I wish life came with direct details and not parables we have to think about, although it makes it better for the learning. I know you got that. Believe it or not she's just as broken as you, admitting her wrong is her breaking point. The two of you were completely broken at the same time. I wish there was something in me that was not being truthful, but it's not. There is nothing that disturbs me more than for someone that's miserable and single to tell a married person to get a divorce. Marriage is about a foundation. It's built on God and it's up to the two of you to put the right ingredients to make it just as solid everyday. Trusting him to know that, if the two of you look to him then you don't have to look anywhere else. God Bless.... and Talk to your wife. She is soooo ready and willing to listen now, especially since she knows she f'd up.

Answer 4

Maybe this was two years ago and your wife has had all that time to deal with this,,,but to you, it was all new when you found out. It hurts NOW.

Of coarse you hurt. You are on an emotional rollercoaster right now! Don't make any big decisions about this right now, give yourself time to deal with all of this.

This does not have to be the end. Many couples survive this horrible trauma to their marriage, but it will take time to rebuild from the damage. The guilt must have been eating at your wife for sometime. Guess that's a good sign.
The truth hurts, but it's best to know. Many a spouse can look back and remember that they had feelings that something was wrong during that time period.

Your wife needs to be honest with you and answer whatever questions you need to know. Just think about just what kind of details you really want in your head, but I found that the reality was easier to deal with than what I imagined.

A good book: "Not Just Friends" by S. Glass

Consider getting a counselor, this is a really difficult thing to deal with for any couple. Look for a counselor certified in marriage/couples counseling and hopefully experienced with infidelity.

Following is a yahoo group with many helpful articles and links saved in FILES:

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/AffairsTalk/

A good support group with others who have dealt with this also. Very helpful.

http://www.lifesaviors.com/SI/

It's going to take time, but you will survive this. Can't tell you how this will end. But, there is no quick fix, it will take time to work through this. Right now, you are in shock. Many just feel numb at first! Take care of yourself, this is a very stressful time.

Answer 5

divorce is not good when u have kids, u will need some christian counseling, it will take alot of work from both of u, u may forgive her but its something u will not ever forget. yes u will feel broken and your ego and self confidence is shot, but communicate with her, go to therapy, and after that if u still feel this bad u should leave the marriage. pray about it, get an answer from god first before u make any rash decisions. if she told u i think she does feel guilt, and remorse, this is the time when u need to communicate with her, she probably had to work up the courage to tell u about it, and weight the consequences of her cheating. it may be a plea for some kind of help.

Answer 6

I'm so sorry. I am sure you feel very alone and cold right now. You are allowed the feel this way and should process this. You may want to seek some counseling- on your own- to help you deal with this situation. You will have a lot of questons and hurt in the coming days and will need someone to speak to. Having a neutral party can be very helpful.

Good luck. I hope you feel better.

Answer 7

Most people probably won't react the way I do but I feel like if you have a good relationship, something like this shouldn't ruin it. Having sex with someone isn't always the same as being intimate. If you are her best friend and this was just a sexual act it can't have meant much. My boyfriend of 5 years (we are both in our 40's) told me last fall that he had had sex with another woman in the summer. I, too, was mad and sad but realized that in the long run it didn't change my feelings for him. Nor his for me. It was just sex, not love. They are very, very different as I am sure you know. You need to go to counseling to talk this through for your sake and the sake of your children's. Good luck to you all.

Answer 8

she did lie to you for 2 years. that's just the one you know about.whats she going to tell you 2 years from now. you have the right to be mad and sad.she did not only cheat on you she cheated on your family. only you know if you can get past this. take some time to figure out what you want to do about it. you have 2 children that need you and there mother but you have to know that men or women seldom cheat just one time. i don't mean to make things worse for you but maybe your wife does not have as much morals you all ways thought she had. sorry she did this to you and your children and i wish you the best of luck.

Answer 9

I think she maybe feeling very terrible cause she really love you but 2 years ago, there might be some problem between the two of you that she cheated on you. You may want to ask her why did she do that.

Answer 10

I am having a hard enough time with my wifes dishonesty over her infidelity that happened 2 weeks ago. It is hard to let something go that you love is it not? I haven't divorced her yet but I so want to live my life and not be chained down by her betrayal and our wreck of a marriage. If she is seeking to reconcile and is not justifying it.. then give her a chance.. but use caution and really dig to find out the root cause.