Having an affair and pregnant?

Question

I've been having an affair for nearly a year and have just found out that I am pregnant, the baby is unplanned but I think I want it.

The problem is my partner, how do I tell him that we stuffed up the contraception and that I am expecting his child.

I love my partner very much and always hoped that he would leave his wife one day and we would have a child together.

How do I convince him that this is an accident and not something I had planned, I know that is what he will think and it isn't true, I would never trap him that way.

Sorry for this being all over the place but that is how I am at the moment.

Any advice welcome.

And before you ask, yes he does have kids, 4 of them from 8 to 20 years old and he has been married 22 years. He hasn't been happy in the marriage for a couple of years though.

Answer 1

Oh my...... Well it sounds like you got yourself in a pickle.
This guy has been married for 22 years and claims to not be happy and has been for a couple of years.
What has caused him to stay in the relationship? He would have done himself and his wife a big favor by being truthful.
Although I bet he isnt as UN-happy as he says he is.
He is probably going thru mid-life crisis.

Oh I bet he will be one upset guy when he finds out you are pregnant. I wish I could give you advice. But I do not no this guy or would be able to predict how he will react.

I guess the only thing you can do now is tell the guy your pg and she what happens. If he leaves you then keep the baby and move on with your life. If he leaves his wife to be with you. Keep an eye on him, he probably will cheat on you too.

Good luck to you. Faith

Answer 2

I feel that you have left yourself out of the equation and its all about him. What about you, is being the other woman what you really want? Forget about him an his situation for a while, leave him out of your life for a week or two or maybe more and do some quality reflective thinking about you. Here you have found yourself pregnant and alone. Do you think that this man is a good wholesome match for you. this relationship is not only going to cause others pain but it has caused you alot of pain. I can tell from the way you speak about how he will respond to this that there is not much trust in this relationship from both sides. Many accusations have passed between you both and it seems that you are about to loose the one you feel that you love over something that is a beautiful experience for any couple. Are you happy about that, or do you feel robbed of the loving happy experience that you always wanted with the person you love? I think that these are real questions to ask yourself, are you happy with your life as it is now? Take a long look at yourself and your life and ask yourself what was it that you wanted for your love life in the first place? And I don't think that your answer will be someone else's husband, someone else's father of their four children.
A few bad years don't erase an entire marriage, I am sure he has had some bad years before but he is still there. that is commitment, for what ever reasons he has given you to justify why he is still there and why you should feel sorry for him and stay with him what he has with his wife is what commitment looks like, he hasnt left her even in the unhappiness because he has been through this before. Even if he left his wife for you, you all will have some rough times too. What will happen then? This is what relationships are about they have good times and bad times, complicated and mixed financial responsibilities and successes, vacations, anger, love resentment and fear but he is still with her even after "a few bad years" and you are still alone. If you choose to keep your baby, you must understand that this situation will also affect your child as it grows just as it has affected you, with self doubt, insecurity, jealousy, rage, sorrow, abandonment, time restricted happiness and has made you the feel that you have to bear the burden of keeping this relationship good as this is why he is cheating on his wife in the first place (because she has made things go bad)..........isnt it?
Love yourself first and your body and any child you may bear enough to make sure you have in a relationship what you need first. This is not about him, he has his own issues to tend to and you have to take care of yours. It'll hurt but you will find that you can live a happier life without his 'perks'.
R.U.N. and save yourself.

Answer 3

well, let me warn you that you may not like what I'm about to tell you. I think you should have the baby anyway so that should not be a question. Tell him the truth because either way he either going to stick with you or not. My bet is that he has been with you this long because your giving him what he wants and he don't have to go all around to find it. I have been there. I was the other woman too. I dint care what it looks like that his marriage is bad. he is never going to leave his wife unless she leaves him. I don't see that happen because she put up with it this long. and on top of that i was the wife being cheated on. I felt well its with this one and only one. I know about her and all. so a man going to do what a man going to do. If he is going to cheat and still take care of my needs bills and all and the kids to. Then let him to it. But no sex came from me. I was being taken care of just to stay quiet. What better place to be. I also know alot of other women felt the same way when they found out their man was cheating. You both are not being honest by being together. But be honest when it comes to the child.

Answer 4

you need to do what is wright for you,but let me tell you this,he will not leave his wife,as soon as you tell him you are pregnant,you won't hear from him again,or he will ask you to get an abortion,you see he cheated on his wife,just like he cheats on you,if you think he is not having sex with his wife,you are so wrong,that is why you should not get involved with a married man,he will never be faithful to you,he is not going to be happy that your pregnant,he will accuse you of trying to trap him,this was a big mistake on both your parts,now there will be an innocent child involved who will grow up with out a farther,i hope you do keep your baby,but i am telling you this because i have seen ot happen many times,and he won't acknowledge that this baby is his,you will be in the courts fighting for child support,and you and him both just ruined his marriage,and hurt an innocent wife,and his innocent kids no matter what there ages are,SHAME ON YOU BOTH

Answer 5

Unfortunately, the two of you have created a problem that will affect a lot of people.

Most importantly is this child. From how you talk, you are not giving up this child. And from experience I do not believe that this man will leave his wife and family and help you raise this child. He will however reveal to you his true colors of the type of man that he is.

I will not go and question your ethics on why you would have an affair with a maried man but I will however explain to you that if you decide to keep this child, you will need to be a little more responsible in actions that you take.

Answer 6

You need to tell him that you are having his baby...if you are sure in your heart that you want to have the baby, his opinion shouldnt matter on the subject. Tell him that you are leaving him, and that you don't want him to support or have anything to do with the baby...infact feel free to tell him that it might not be his (even though you're sure it is) If he insists that he wants to be a part of your life and the babys life, tell him not until he chooses to be with you and only you. This is probably the most difficult, but most unselfish way you can handle this, and he will know you didn't do it to trap him.

Answer 7

he isn't going to leave his wife and u have been living in a dream for a year if u thought he was. He may resent u if u let it out that it is his and ruin his marriage....tell him. But don't expect much.

Answer 8

Um do u think he will leave his wife now? NOT, and your child has to suffer becuase of your affair, how will he be a real father to this child? and yes he is going to think you tired to trap him.....All married men say they are unhappy in there marriage, if he was so unhappy he SHOULD OF DIVORCED yes i said DIVORCED his WIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 9

please dnt kill that innocent baby. tell him the truth , if he leaves u , so be it ,raise your child , that child dnt ask to come here ..... it happened so take care ur responsibility and be a loving mother. let him know it dnt happen on purpose, if he dnt believe you , just move on and learn frm your mistakes. And dnt bother going to court for child support because it would cause problems between him and his family ... so just 4 get him. find a man who can appreciate u and ur child.God Luck

Answer 10

maybe he cheated to be able to respark that desire for his wife from you. you got yourself into trouble, the best choice has to come from you. your hopes of a happily ever after, or your worst nightmare?! if you know him that well, then God forgive you, i think thats what you should do is abort, and dont tell him. then move on. shame on you.