has anyone got any advise on how to deal with a miscarriage?

Question

i lost my baby in november. do u have any suggestions on how to deal with it?

Answer 1

Ashleigh, sweetie, step #1 is to say "the baby died. We don't know why." Never say "I lost" because it sounds like you did something wrong, but you never did. You'd never let go of that baby. It was a terrible accident.

Fifteen years ago, I lost a baby at 17 weeks, and honestly I still cry about that baby. People said, "don't worry, you can have another baby." That didn't help at all, and in my case it wasn't true. My husband refused. So the empty arms are still empty, I suppose until I meet him in paradise. I'm quite sure he's there.

Deal with it. I don't know how many hundreds of times I have to tell the story or how many times I have to cry. I don't know how to deal with it. Closure is when I have him in my arms.

In the meantime, don't leave a lot of baby's stuff out where you'll see it every day, because it just tortures you. You have to be happy again, and if you keep reminding yourself of your sorrow it will be a much harder job. I kept one little outfit I had bought for him, 101 Dalmations. It's in the closet with my daughter's first birthday outfit and my son's first pair of shoes.

Honestly, try not to think about it--maybe limit yourself to 10 minutes a day, because while time doesn't heal anything at all, it's easier to talk about, easier to bear, a couple of years later. That's the better time to mourn, right? When the pain is not so sharp.

I wish you and your family the best, Ashleigh. And I'm SO sorry about your child.

debbie
tx mom

Answer 2

I'm so sorry. I understand. You need to understand that it is okay to use the word 'grieve'. How do people grieve? They talk about the loss with people who are close to them and understand. They share their feelings of anger, sadness, and confusion and loss.
I had a miscarriage when my husband was in the navy and he was on a six month cruise. I had no family nearby, but there were people who reached back when I reached out to them. I went to a therapist and he told me something that stuck with me. He was a Native American and he said that in his culture, when a woman loses a child, the soul of that child gets passed on to the next. After my miscarriage and my husband returned, I became pregnant again. That pregnancy went full term and when my son was born, he was ethereally beautiful. He is 18 now and just the most awesome person, like he has two souls.
Don't be afraid to talk about it, don't think that you can't cry about it or cry in front of others, it's okay if you do. Don't worry about making people uncomfortable. Now there may be people who don't know what to say and may say something silly, (like me), or something thoughtless. They probably don't mean for it to sound thoughtless. People think that because they didn't know the baby, that it shouldn't be that bad, but you knew the baby, intimately. It was real and alive, give it a name. Your baby died, and you need to grieve for it.
I hope I don't sound too stupid, but it worked for me.

Answer 3

I too have had a miscarriage and as many people told us at the time - it was not ment to be for a reason, and after thinking about it ,we thought you never know what may have been wrong in the long run.It's sad at the time,you will recover and no doubt in the not too distant future you will have the beautiful little bundle you wre wishing for. Don't dwell on it,keep busy and be positive - I wish you all the best.

Answer 4

I've lost 2 babies and I would just tell myself that God wasn't ready for me to have that particular baby. Maybe God was protecting both me and the baby because there was something wrong with it. Just turn it over to God and stay optimistic about your future. I often think that if I'd had those babies I would not have the ones that I have now. It also makes you appreciate actually carrying a pregnancy to full term. You will hopefully not take this simple miracle for granted like most women do. Take care and pray.

Answer 5

My mother lost her first baby in 1935, and I don't think she ever truly got over it. You go thru grief like for the death of any other child. It's hard for people to understand that, so you won't get much support from friends or family. If you have other children, you need to focus on them and count your blessings. And bury your grief deep in your heart.
Check with you local mental health office and see if there are any grief support groups for people who have lost a child. Talking wiith others who have gone thru the same loss will help.

Answer 6

i had a miscarriage in 2005 and have been TTC ever since. it's very difficult to deal with because it was unexpected. i'm still mourning the loss of our child. but the hope that i will bring another child into this world keeps me hopeful. i would talk to someone you trust about this -- your mom, sister, friend, or doctor. the pain doesn't seem to go away but at least talking to someone can help you deal with it. i hope this helps.

Answer 7

I have misscarried 5 times and had a set or twins lost to still birth.

I write to my babies, and out the letters in a box in the top of my closet. I named them........( you can do so even if your not sure what sex they were) and put all of the dr recepts, Ultrasound photoes ect in this box.....

And try again. it cant replace the one you lost but it might help you feel better

Answer 8

if you are finding it hard to cope with ,seek help from your doctor,i had a mc in june ,at first i just could not cope with it,but as time went on it got easier,you will never get over it but if you need counceling there are people always willing to help,so sorry to hear of your loss,i know how painful it is for you,time does heel

Answer 9

i know this might sound stupid. but def. try again it want completely heal up that missing place in your heart but it def. helps. good luck ! & i'm sorry i know how it feels

Answer 10

don't feel bad i guess it wasn't time you can always try it again, i had a abortion before and it's a lot worst then a miscarrige,