Is there a difference between loving one's husband, and being in love with him? Is it possible to love a spouse but not be 'in love' with him? Honest answers, please.......
2007-07-27 11:33:02 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Your answers are so wonderful. It is difficult to be 'in love' with someone who does not want to share their life meaningfully........and over the years that 'love' you had withers and shrivels.........and kinda 'dies a rather painful death'.........anyone identify with this ? And, what is the solution?
2007-07-27 11:57:42 · update #1
Is there a good way out of such a situation, where you love your spouse and do not want him hurt, but you no longer are 'in love' with him? There are many years involved with what I call 'emotional abuse and neglect'. Your opinions are valuable in sorting out my emotions here !
2007-07-27 12:02:18 · update #2
As a christian, this answer is already revealed in the Bible and you know it. Sorry to be so blunt but you are not going to hear anything but truth.
If you should decide to leave your husband (as it sounds) then you will have to deal with the consequences to that decision. Keep in mind though, even if you start up another relationship down the road, you will face this problem again.
God give us a PROMISE to always be there and take care of us. To give us our "land of milk and honey" so to speak.
Then he will give us a PROBLEM to solve. How we choose to solve this problem is up to us. Free will and all. If we follow his laws and solve it, he will send us to the next step. If we don't solve it, then we just keep "going around the mountain" again and again. That sounds like where you and husband are at. Know that even if you leave, you will always have to deal with this problem in the next relationship.
Finally when we have solved the Problem, God sends us over to the PROMISED LAND. This is what we are after. The land of "milk and honey". Joy, peace, love...
I know marriage struggles are difficult and no, God doesn't want us to be unhappy. But he has his laws. There is absolutely no way to end this marriage without violating these laws. Either way, you are the one who has to make the decision.
May God bless you and give you strength to do what is best.
A fellow christian....
2007-07-27 12:17:53 · answer #1 · answered by Sunny64 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I believe that this is a really good question and most people do not see the difference. Nowadays because of the media, everyone thinks that when you are married you will always be in love with the other person. However that is just not true! The definition of love is 1 corinthians 13:4 :4-8:
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. in this whole verse it says nothing abour romantic feelings, or butterflies in your stomahc when you look at the other person. It explains what love is. You can therefore love your husband without being "in love' with him. That is what love is all about, working everyday to love him/her even though the feelings aren't there anymore.
I'm so glad you asked this because the confusion between the two is what causes so many divorces. If only people understood that feelings will always disappear but you still have to love families would still be together.
2007-07-27 18:40:56 · answer #2 · answered by Jakie22 2 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Yes. To love some one is to care about them. Much like you would for a parent, friend, child, etc. Being in love involves a passion for the other person. A romantic relationship that is unacceptable toward anyone other than a spouse or significant other (fiance, boyfriend, girlfriend).
However love and also be a verb, the way you treat someone. Its not just a feeling.
2007-07-27 18:39:05 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Absolutely a difference. Love is a decision. Being in love is a feeling.
I FULLY and intimately understand your question and feel your angst. We could probably talk for hours on this topic (email me if you'd like).
It all boils down to a decision regarding whether or not you are willing to keep your commitment to him even though he probably has not kept his commitment to you (if there's emotional abuse, etc.). My husband was not faithful to me but I have remained faithful to him, even though I've had many opportunities to cheat. I am not a doormat, either - he needs me much more than I need him. It's just a decision I made.
I find tremendous satisfaction in knowing that I've kept my commitments despite being provided with an "out". In a really odd way, it's a huge source of confidence in my own personal integrity.
2007-07-27 22:06:31 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well I would say is you are to love your husband. If he loves you then you are to love him back. And if he is the right one for you then you should have a love for each other. If you have Jesus in both of your heart and God love is inside of both of you then you should love each other. Love is an action word. Abuse is no fun but let me tell you some thing that might help. one if your marrige is falling apart and he is being abusive towards you then i would go see a pastor at church. tell the pastor the truth what is going on in your marrige. Seek cousaling. Someone that can encourage you and pray for you. Tell Jesus about it and ask him to heal you and to pray for your husband.
2007-07-27 20:57:48 · answer #5 · answered by Bethany P 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think there is a difference if you love someone you love them unconditionally no matter what, if people took the time to communicate and try to work out their problems rather than just saying I am not in love with you anymore then there woldn't be as many divorces.
2007-08-01 13:24:28 · answer #6 · answered by beba 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Being "in love" has been called various things from "infatuation" to "obsession". I would sum it up as a "MUSHY FEELING OF LOVE".
The Bible says "God IS Love"...but He is not a warm and fuzzy love...God ACTS apon the CHOISE of Love!!!
The Bible says "While you were still in the womb, I knew you"... and "I chose you"!
Jesus did not necessarily have a mushy feeling about the crowd that mocked him on the cross, yet He LOVED them, saying "Forgive this sin, because they know not what they're doing"
LOVE the husband you vowed to God you would love "until death", not with a mushy emotion, but with ACTIVE choises to Love by deeds!
There are folks who cheat on spouses though they'll cry "I love you" when caught, because they have a mushy emotional feeling of being "in love".
It is better to behave in a loving, faithful way, even if the obsession/infatuation has worn off.
Keep your promises, to each other and God!
LOVE is a choise!!!
2007-07-28 01:42:20 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I definitely think that there is a difference between loving and being in love...without a doubt. Being in love means that when he's on the way home from work that you get butterflies in your stomach and just can't wait to see him. Loving him means that you would never cheat or leave, but the butterflies are gone.
2007-07-27 18:55:32 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
yes I believe that there is a difference in being in love and loving. But remember being in love is not that feeling you get when you have butterflies in your stomache,
when you love someone you love them like you love everyone. when you are in love, that is the love that god created between husband and wife. Being in love is not giving up even when the times are tough, being in love is exactly what those vows mean better and worse you WANT to make it work, problems can cause you to feel that you are not in love with that person anymore. but if you follow your heart and gods will you will know exactly what the difference between being in love and just love is. You dont fall in love, being in love is something that god created for you and that special someone he has just for you.
2007-07-27 18:41:24 · answer #9 · answered by smilesallthetime 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes, definitely. Hard to explain, but when you're "in love", you just want to be with them all of the time, and think of them all day.....want to hold hands, etc. To "love", I think, would be more like you would "love" a pet, or maybe family member. I've been married 21 years, and still enjoy holding my husbands hand, and doing everything with him. I still am happy to see him when he comes home. Hard to explain, but yes, there is a difference.
2007-07-27 18:42:42 · answer #10 · answered by CW1967 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋