Finished with him but feel so low?

Question

I finished with my boyfriend of 6 months because he was obsessed with his ex who treated him really badly. I have listnened and supported him for the last 6months. I didnt want our relationship to end at all. We are still in touch but when I saw him last week, I felt so upset. He was still talking about his ex even though he knows it hurts me and I pointed that out to him. He said if we are to be friends he needs to talk about her because she is on his mind so much. I feel so used as it is as if our relationship meant nothing. He tells me I am a great person and he still finds me really attractive but it doesnt make me feel better. I dont have many friends as I am new to this area and my daughter has left home. I feel so low and just want to ring him one minute and tell him to p** off the next. How can I move on from this selfish man. How in the hell can we be friends when it hurts so much.

Answer 1

Stop communicating with him. Stop trying to be his friend. Get busy with other things in life.

Answer 2

Hi Hun, try not to feel low. I don't think you can remain friends with this man if he toys with your emotions so willynilly. You deserve much better. You are feeling a little stuck in a rut as you have moved to a new area and he is probably the only person you can really talk to (although it's probably all about him. him, him). You are feeling lonely and if you were surrounded by your old friends you probably wouldn't even touch this man with a barge pole. Get some new friends, maybe join a dating agency or look up some old friend on friendsreunited. Give it a little time and you will feel so much better, honestly. He'll realise what a good thing he is missing out on when it's too late and you have moved on and you can give him the cold shoulder (and you will really mean it). Just think, when he gets a new girlfriend i will put money on the fact that all he'll be talking to her about is you! Good luck hun, hang on in there, you'll meet someone else soon. xx

Answer 3

YOU CAN'T BE FRIENDS.....Listen up. He is safe and using you to bounce all his grief and drama off. Stop letting him. You will have to do something about getting out and making your way through the dating scene again. Get with the girls at work and hit the bars, clubs or whatever you thing is. Tell Romeo he can't have you for a friend because your heart is too invovled. You need time to get pass this relationship and allow youself to heal and move on. He certainly has. He is not being fair to you - can't you see that? Your letter has said it all - you know it - so stop letting him run you down. I'll bet you are a nice looking lady. Just because you are 'new' in the area means nothing. This is the age of dating online and off...the age of techno-toys- get involved in some kind of class (cooking?) where the men are - get involved in church activities. Do something that will spearhead your success. So the next time he calls you - you can say - I'm sorry , I have a date - gotta run.....

Answer 4

Does he want a girlfriend or an agony aunt? Give him the number of the local Samaritans and then close all the hatches down. If you keep on communicating then you are just prolonging the agony. Of course there is a gap where he used to be and its more prominent because you have no mates around you. If you think of him as a hole in the wall, then find the plaster and fill it! Get a course going in something or a class and work at getting a network around you - he is not your friend. You are just being used as a wailing wall and its not acceptable.

Answer 5

It's normal to feel sad, but you really need to stop all kind of communication with this jerk..... he's being sooo selfish and only caring about how HE feels (and talking to you makes him feel better) but disrespecting your feelings 100%. If it's hurting you so much, this can't continue. This is not friendship, it's a penitence!! Why would you take this any longer??? Just move on and look for real FRIENDS and a LOVER who does respect and love you, and are considerate of YOUR feelings and not only theirs!

Answer 6

You can't. There is no way that you can be friends with him. After all you broke up with him because of his "ex issues" and even after you guys split he is still going on and on. Don't worry about it because no girl will want to be with a guy that can't get over his ex. Just drown your sorrows at your local bar and maybe you can make some new friends.. I know it sounds weird, but I have made a couple of good girlfriends at bars.. try it out, and on the plus side you can get drunk and get over him!!

Answer 7

You will be fine as people say "time is a healer" but remember we all deserve to be on someones mind and that's where you need to move on and find a nice guy who you are the one on his mind you sound like a nice person and deserve to be happy, someone who sounds as selfish as him probably doesn't deserve anyone. Unless you move on he will always hold you back and everyone deserves to be happy don't let him get you down, enjoy yourself and make some new friends in your new area. the only reason that your probably giving him the time of day is because your more vulnerable as you say your in a new area with your daughter no longer at home but i really hope you find someone who appreciates you and makes you happy, good luck in your new area hope everything goes well for you x

Answer 8

Don't have anything to do with him at all. He clearly does not give a toss about your feelings and is only worried about himself. He is the reason you are feeling so low so you need rid of him, and you will start to feel better.

Answer 9

well what about you. WHO listens and cares about you. Love yourself honey!!!!!just like this man once dated you there are others. When was the last time you treated yourself to a new hairstyle,dress,shoes-or got your nails done and went to a concert-the art museum-a baseball game -the fair for games and rides***guys-guys-guys are every where **and they are waiting to see a girl looking all pretty so that they can say something to her ***yes you feel for this guy great **he feel for this other girl ****keep it over there *** get up*** get out and get busy***have you done any for a charitable cause to help others*****so many things in life to do *****have you had lunch with you friends or a cousin ***come on girlfriend life its to be lived for ***happy***not stressed *****stop hurting yourself***and stop loving you****remember you go through life once look good girl****feel good *** go to a good bookstore have a cold fruit drink relax with some good magazines****

Answer 10

Yes I regret that it hurts very much,But just look at the other side of the coin,of course they looks different.Just analyze this small part of statement"obsessed by his ex who treated him really badly"Even after six months, he still talks about his ex!!Cant you see how much his heart was badly hurt?People have different ways of expressing their ideas.Talking about his ex even after this period to him is just another way of giving the message to you that in your life(with him)don't ever try to hurt him like his ex.
Get time,talk to him,and explain vividly how boring his repetitions are,and how sick you are when talking about his ex.Tell and show him that you are a different and best woman than his ex.For sure he will understand and respect this,rather than breaking up and hurt each other.Try it and you'll tell me one day.

Answer 11

There are many cute great guys out there. Go out and do something you enjoy. Go shopping, join a club, help somebody. Then a great guy will like you and you'll like him back... so on. It takes time to heal but I believe smiling, laughing, and having fun will speed up the process.