he will walk around for days and not talk to me .. and say it has nothing to do with me,, or i am not the problem but when ever he decides to talk.. he blows up at me about all kind of things from days to months ago.. " i should have done this.. why didnt you do that.. this is the last straw " and I try not to cry but I am thrown off guard and often dont even know where he's coming from or how he could say he loves me and be so angry about a lot of nit picky things that I dont even remember..
If he asks my opinion and I try to say how I feel he just blows it off and says.. I dont have anything to complain about..
i feel like I walk around on egg shells.. and when I think we are doing fine "BOOM" he blows up out of the blue again.. i am constantly confussed.. i dont know whats real or not anymore
I dont know what to do.. know he says he loves me.. but why do I feel so lonely and dead inside...
2007-07-27 09:47:41 · 36 answers · asked by confussed05 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
The solution is to provide him with a statute of limitations. It's unfair for him to bring up stuff all at once and explode. Tell him he has 24 hours any time you do anything he doesn't like to let you know about it, or else you will disregard it. Then, follow through. Next time he explodes, don't cry, listen. Each time he says something from more than a day past say, "Sorry, I'm not going to feel badly for that one because the statute of limitations has passed."
The key here is to see the pattern and then be ready for it to repeat itself, and to have a plan of action for what you are going to do and say when it does happen again. Be ready, and don't accept his anger into yourself. You need some defenses against his emotional outbursts, and instituting a statute of limitations is a good first step.
2007-07-27 09:55:29 · answer #1 · answered by Happy-2 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hi Confused05,
Before anything else, let me ask u..When he was still your boyfriend, was he also like that? What was the one quality that made u love him on the 1st place?? Dear friend, do some checking..Does ur husband have problems at work?? or other problems? and he's simply venting his frustrations on you?? Or marriage intimidates him?? There are people like that..Some changed for the better, some for the worse..My advise: Have a heart to heart talk with him on a day his mood is ok..Tell him "how hurt & confused you are when he's aloof,withdrawn & worse in a foul mood"..Ask him "what is it you've done wrong..If he has problems, can he share it with you??" People with problems are walking timebomb, they can hurt others without them even knowing it...At the same time continue being d good wife you are..Support him, understand him & love him. Then go from there. If he comes around, then good..if he got worse,then drastic decisions must be made. A husband-wife relationship is about love, having fun during good times, sticking together & helping one another during hard times..If it's giving u nothing but miseries & fear of him, then start thinking of packing up before it gets worse. Just because ur married doesn't mean u should live a life that walks on as u termed it "egg shells" everyday. Nobody desserves that kind of life. Deep inside ur heart u knew you've done your best..Sometimes not all things work out the way we want to..but if we did everything we could to make it work (but turned out otherwise), we should able to live with that as time passes..It's him who'll end up with all those regrets not you.
2007-07-27 10:43:58 · answer #2 · answered by BERNARD C 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Im sorry but hes got some type of emotional problem. he needs to learn to deal with things one day at a time and not do that holdingit in crap. I almost never say peopleneed therapy but sounds like he might. Its a very unhealthy situation for you. The reason I know this is becaus he sounds just like my mother. She would be quiet, reasonable or rarely seem normal then BOOM crazy mad about EVERYTHING. She too would bring up things and i would have no idea what she was talking about and she would say things like "oh you're calling me a liar?" I would say noo I just cant remember! I could go on and on but its not about me. Your husband need to know hes hurting you and you do have something to complain about! hes hurting you and its not fair you deserve to be happy and no only when its ok with his mood swings! Ive been told that that type of behavior is possibly bi-polar but unfortunately my mom always seemed to think it was everyone else that had the problem not her sooo good luck to you. Dont suffer forever you deserve the best and hopefully hes willing to get help and give it ti you.
2007-07-27 10:10:42 · answer #3 · answered by sharonsmineonly 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Actually I have been doing some research in Anger Management for my own personal reasons. In part of the book it talks about Men and our workplace, homeplace, everyday life and what we let bother us. There are men that will let things build and build until finally our co-workers, our spouses, our children are the ones who take the brunt of the lash out. This is unacceptable and should be fixed before its too late. How ever, he probably will pull the denial card or use this for fuel in the future if you bring it up. Maybe go to the library and pick up a book about men and thier emotions or men and anger management. Once you learn the "why's" then you can ask the "how's" to your husband during his dormant cycle. If all else fails, then counseling. If that doesnt work, then separation. Last resort divorce. Good luck to ya.
2007-07-27 10:03:07 · answer #4 · answered by Cap'n Mad Jack Cheddar 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh darlin'.....marriages do take work, but by the same token, that work shouldn't be a full time job. You shouldn't have to walk on eggshells all the time either. If you can't be yourself, or relaxed around someone, then what's the use of that relationship. You sound as though you truly love your man, so I won't just say, Get rid of the bum, but that's kinda how I feel. If you believe in counseling, try to get him there, but in all honesty, you must think of whether you want to live in a situation like this your entire life, or realize a mistake quickly and start over. Believe me, you sound like a woman that would make any man lucky to be around you. Good luck and remember to treasure yourself.
2007-07-27 09:52:55 · answer #5 · answered by barefoot_yank 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes marriage needs work, but not from just one person.
He may or may not be depressed. Either way, he needs help quick. You should not put up with this situation. Don't be a victim to his rantings. Ask that he seek professional help immediately.
If he doesn't, either have him move out, or you move out. Save yourself. You can be there for him while he takes care of the problem. The point is, you can't fix it. Love is not feeling like you're walking around egg shells or dead inside. Love isn't abusing the one you love either.
I hope you take care of yourself. I wish you well.
2007-07-27 10:04:03 · answer #6 · answered by magikal01 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would say there is a bigger issue than he is letting you know about.Something is really eating at him.Then he blows uo over the little things.
Ask him point blank.Whatis going on.Let him know you know something is bothering him.When he blows uo on you.Remind him there is a bigger issue and until he deals with that.There is no hope of getting any better.
I have to ask because I dont know.Have you violated your trust with him somehow?Be honest with yourself.If you have that could be the whole thing right there.
Men know women can make mistakes to.Our pride is at stake when someone violates our trust.We feel like a victim and a fool.
I dont know what it is.But there is something going on that is important to him.I would start there.
2007-07-27 09:55:36 · answer #7 · answered by kenneth h 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's being immature. It's unacceptable to give someone you love the silent treatment, and then he blows up at you to boot. He needs to be honest with his feelings and civilly speak to you about what is bothering him WHEN is starts to bother him. He has no right to yell at you, it's disrespectful and causes resentment in a relationship. Tell him how you feel, if he cares he will try and change the behavior. If not, well then you need to decide if you can go on living like this.
2007-07-27 09:59:57 · answer #8 · answered by beanie_babymama 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Was in the active service? Because he sounds like he has been severely traumatized and at any given time these memories surface and then acts differently---yes, he is depressed and on a "good" day, you need to try to talk him into seeing someone--but before you do this, tape him on a bad day as he's mouthing off at you. There is a good possibility he will not remember his conversations with you and the tape is a back up to let him realize how he is being---two people in one body.........good luck to both of you......if he WAS in the service- get him to the VA ASAP- let them foot the bill for his therapy.
2007-07-27 09:54:38 · answer #9 · answered by mac 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You shouldn't feel lonely and dead inside. Those should be signals that something has to be done if you want to lead a happy and fulfilling life. Perhaps he should seek counseling as there sounds to be something troubling him inside that he allows to bother him between the bouts of explosions. You certainly deserve a better relationship and it doesn't appear you are getting it. Good luck.
2007-07-27 09:52:41 · answer #10 · answered by lsah1852 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋