Please, I really need some advice!!!?

Question

I am 14 years old, and my parents are divorced. My Dad lives in Washington DC and me and my Mom in Boston. My mom is a professor, and doesn't make all that much income, but enough to support us.

My Dad though, works for the government, and make twice, maybe triple as much as my mother.

He is legally required to pay a certain amount of child support, and he does, but nothing else! He refuses to spend any more than is legally required. When I go to visit him in DC he makes my mom pay for the flight.

He sometimes skimps out on his child support leaving us in the dust and because of this me and my Mom have been forced to move over seven times!

My 8th grade math teacher was absolutely horrible and i need a tutor before i enter highschool nd it is going to cost my mom $1600 a month, & when she asked my Dad to help, he offered $100 towards the entire year! He is doing it again! I dont know what to do, should i go & talk to him (what do i say?) Do i get em' to work it out? How? Plz help

I also wanted to add that my dad isn't a horrible person, he is a really nice guy and i love him dearly. just as a "by the way."

Answer 1

Your Dad is what he is.

I dont' think he's particularly interested in changing.

Because he makes more, he's probably in a lot more debt, too.

Contact one of the A students in your former math class and ask if they would be willing to tutor you for however long for whatever a reasonable price would be.

Let your mom handle the finances. She making it and she obviously expects nothing from your father. You should do the same.

When you get to school ask about your working papers, and when it is time, find something to generate a little income on your behalf. Something you enjoy doing.

Have a little conversation with Mom about the expenses you are about to incurr as a HS student. Driver's permits, and licenses, car insurance, and cars. Take a look toward the future and see what you two can come up with for easing the burden.

My car insurance did not go up when my daughter got her permit. However, once she had her license, it went up about 100.00.

You sound like an intelligent, caring person. Pull as good a grades as you can and plan on applying for scholarships when you graduate. Look at the scholarships now so you know what they require. Talk to your school counselor about it.

Get a good grip on how you want the next 4 years to go, and Mom will be so proud.

So, hon, time to let Dad go, and start focusing on you. Once you're independent, then the burden eases on Mom. Make a plan. Have a ball in High School. Make good grades.

Kudos to you for caring about your mom.
Good luck.
And God bless you and yours, dear.

Answer 2

Oh, Sweetie! I'm sorry you have to be stuck in the middle of this situation!!! It's just not fair!

Have YOU talked to your dad at all about helping with a tutor? If you ask he may be more receptive ~

How often do you talk to your dad when your not with him & how close is your relationship? This will also play a factor.

I think $1600 a month for tutoring is atrocious! Maybe your mom can find one that's less expensive ~

As far as your dad not paying child support? Your mom needs to take that up with the courts. Especially if he works for the government. They may be able to just take it out of his paycheck.

Sounds like you've got a great mom! Hang in there with her!

Answer 3

First off, awesome screen name;)
Second, I'm really sorry that your dad doesn't seem to want to help you guys out:-\ Have you tried talking to him? I know that's probably not really easy to do, but it might be worth a shot:)
Third, don't get too discouraged about school *sympathetic smiles* Almost everyone struggles with math at some point. My husband is working on his math degree right now - he's a major MATH person - and he still struggles through a lot of it. It's just one of those subjects that takes a ton of work. Try forming a study group with a few friends. Even if none of you are exactly a math whiz, having a few brains working on the same problem can help. At least one of you may recognise errors or figure out the next step:) Two heads are better than one;) Good luck!

Answer 4

Wow, $1600 a month? My charge was $60 per hour, and the kids came twice per week to my house when I lived in California...... Do the math, that ain't $1600. I had 4 or 5 kids per day, all day, every day. ..every once in awhile I'd have a kid at my door that I didn't even know... "Hi. I'm Joel. I'm taking Jeremey's place today. Here's the $60 he said you cnarge. Can you teach out of this book?" I'd look at it, say "yes", He'd wave to his mom, She'd drive off, come back in an hour, and off we would go....

You need to find a different tutor, sweetie. If your district did what mine did, it had a tutor list at the district office. Go there, get several names. And pick one that tutors only math... and keep my e-mail... I help all kinds of kids on this (mathematics )section... 2 in Florida and 2 in Canada...

[e-mail]. And I won't charge you anything. You'd need to send me your e-mail later, so that if you give me some huge problem, I can show it to you step by step and send it to you as an attachment, as I do the others. If you screw up big time in first year algebra, math becomes a nightmare....

April

Answer 5

Here's a new perspective on things. You may not want to assume your Dad makes more than he does, or that he does not have other expenses related to the divorce such as attorney's fees, taxes and other debts that might have belonged to both your parents that he is still paying off. Don't assume your Dad's not pulling his fair share or is the bad guy. I often see that one parent only tells the children part of the story - their part. As for moving so many times, your mom may need some assistance with managing her bill payments or finances, maybe a bookkeeper of sorts. In terms of visitation, maybe your Dad is visiting you all that he is allowed and the court decision restricts him from spending more time with you. I say this because I miss my kids and want to spend more time but my spouse won't allow it, however I am sure this is not what she tells them - she tells them I don't care about them and in fact I love them very much.

I don't have a specific answer for you, but just don't assume your Dad's the bad guy. There's usually more to the story.

Answer 6

If your dad is possibly making more money now than when the child support was first decided then she needs to take him back for a child support remodification hearing and have the amount readjusted to fit his income and then inform the Judge of his late or missed payments. If that isnt feasible then have mom refuse to let you visit him and let him finance the trip back to court. He cant stop support on his own or he will be in breach of a court order and that could land him in jail. You can always talk to him on your staing that you need the money for schooling and that mom cant afford it and see what happens, but dont do it on your moms behalf. Your mom can always file a complaint with your local child support collection agency too on his late/missed payments. Good luck

Answer 7

Sorry to hear about your predicament.

As for tutoring, check your local library or community based organizations. Many of them have either low cost (or free) homework help tutoring (online and in person) or children's literacy--I work for a library system in LA, and we have this. Check with your school district and community colleges as well. They often have cheaper priced tutoring services.

As for asking your dad for more monetary support, that is a tough one. I think it may be beyond your control. Divorce is usually tough for everyone. You can always try giving him a friendly call, and explain to him your need for a bit more $$ from him. Tell him it will help with your education and make your life a little easier. Offer to do something for him in return--so you are just not demanding stuff from him. Hopefully, it will sound better coming out of your mouth than from your mom's.

Good luck to you.

Answer 8

Your mother needs to take your dad back to court. Sorry to hear your dad is treating both your mother and you this way. If he has the money to help you get caught up in school he should be helping out because it is the right thing to do. I don't know that you talking to him will do any good. Seems that he has made up his mind to invest the least amount of money in you that he can legally do.

Answer 9

hi there as i see it you are dealing with two issues one is your parents the other your studies. the parent side you really should let them deal with each other let them play their games, you need to focus on you! secondly you stated that you mom is a professor, have her check with the college she works for if there is a student who is looking for extra money and is willing to tutor you even at 10$ an hour it's still cheaper than 1600$ If she cant find someone there find a teaching school near you i bet they have a program there to help you or at least a student who's looking to make extra money....good luck

Answer 10

sometimes it doesn't matter what you say to your dad he still might do those things I went through this with my mother from the age of 9 through now and i am 24 i never understood the things she did or even does but she did then no matter if i talked to her or even did not go see her she still only did what she wanted when she wanted you just make sure before you say anything to your dad your mom knows b/c he might have a conversation with her about it and she needs to know from you first and i hope you have talked to your mom about your worries and pray God will lead you to do the right thing