My fiancé and I have common friend. For a while, she lived a block away from us and we used to spend a lot of time together. Then my fiancé and I moved to the south end of town (a fifteen minute drive away). We would still spend time together every week or every other week. She was in a car accident back in January that did some nerve damage to her arm. I called her a several times after I heard about it from her; I had to leave voicemails because she didn’t answer her phone. I told her that if she needed anything to just call. We went out to dinner once; her bitterness after the car accident was so potent, it was difficult to sit at the table with her. She would talk about things in her life, and then ask how we were. When we started to tell her she’d say that she didn’t want to hear about anything stressful in her life, because she couldn’t deal with it. After that dinner, she hadn’t made any contact. I was really hurt that she would never call. Please wait for more of the story...
2007-07-27 08:59:28 · 11 answers · asked by seaelven 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
She made herself REALLY busy with a lot of other people. We really didn’t get to see her much. She still has the nerve damage and is still undergoing treatment. Earlier this month, we apologized to each other. I was upset that she never had time for us, and she was upset because she felt like I wasn’t there for her after her accident. But she still makes herself busy. Most times when we call, she can’t spare a square. My fiancé asked her why she never calls, and she got defensive and told him that she’s really busy. We both feel like we’re working to hold up a relationship with her, and she doesn’t even call. She broke up with her boyfriend a while ago; I emailed wonderful pictures to her to be supportive. I tried to call a few times, no answer. She doesn’t remember getting any voicemails from me. She doesn’t want to talk about this with us. I feel so angry with her; it’s exhausting! What should we do?
2007-07-27 08:59:57 · update #1
We were both there for her, she claims we weren't.
2007-07-27 09:08:44 · update #2
It's hard when friendships start to fall apart. It sounds like you and your fiancee are trying to do everything you can to maintain the friendship. Just let her know that you're there for her, but you'll give her however much space she needs. Tell her that you're there for her, but she needs to let you know when she's ok to talk about her situation and when she would like to hang out more. Maybe she just needs space. Maybe she feels like a 3rd wheel now that her boyfriend is gone. Maybe she's just bitter because she has to watch you have a happy life while hers is not so great right now. Maybe its a combination of any of the three. Either way, it's not your fault. The best thing you can do is be supportive. Try suggesting a "girls night" and leave the boyfriend at home to try and connect with her 1 on 1. Just let her know you are there for her. If things end up falling apart, it will be sad, but all you can do is give it your best shot. If things still fall apart, the situation is out of your hands
2007-07-27 09:06:21 · answer #1 · answered by Jamaican QT™ 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would've been pissed off too, if you didn't want to hear about my problems. After all being a good friend is being there and being supportive in the good and bad times.
I'm glad you guys apologized to each other.
If she's making herself "busy" to other people too, she may be going through some depression. People that are depressed tend to stay to themselves. First, because they don't want to burden their loved ones. Case in point- you. Second, the feeling of just wanting to be alone. Hoping you can work through this yourself. This of course just makes things worst because it's harder to get help when all you want to do is to be left alone.
Be a friend. Don't take it personal. Be there for her. You might want to mention that she may be going through depression after the car accident. If she snaps at you, don't take it personal, it's another symptom. Hopefully she'll get some help to help her through this hard time in her life.
2007-07-27 16:13:25 · answer #2 · answered by magikal01 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My husband and I went through the same exact thing with mutual friends. To this day they claimed they were soooo busy. We had been friend's with this couple for years. We have no idea why these people wanted nothing to do with us. We felt as if they had died, it was really hard for us. Move on and eventually you will find true friends, even though they are so very hard to find. Oh, and quit calling her, you're not getting anything in return from her, including her friendship. Friends don't do this to friends.
2007-07-27 16:35:04 · answer #3 · answered by Buttons 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
it sounds like depression to me. if that's the case nothing you can do will help her until she gets the medical help she needs. if it were me i would leave the lines of communication open, leave her a voice mail now and then and just tell her you know she is busy you hope everything is ok and when she has a few minutes to touch base with you. if she never returns your calls you know you did everything a good friend should do and just accept the fact that the failed friendship does not lay with you.
2007-07-27 16:08:22 · answer #4 · answered by princess 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She might be depressed. Since she broke up with her boyfriend, it might be hard for to be around both of you & see how happy you are while everything in her life seems to be falling apart. Offer to spend one on one girl time with her. If she refusses, give her a little time then try again. Don't take it personally. She is just having a hard time adjusting to both the changes in your life & hers.
2007-07-27 16:10:45 · answer #5 · answered by shellysd 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
All you can do is let you know that you miss her friendship. I am in a similar situation and it is hurtful but unfortunately you can only let her know how you feel. Sounds like she has a lot going on. Concentrate on your relationship with youf fiance and move on-its the only thing you can do now.
2007-07-27 16:05:27 · answer #6 · answered by joni 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This might be the time you may jus thave to cut her off
2007-07-27 16:02:06 · answer #7 · answered by yogurlmsbunny 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like she doesn't want you in her life.
2007-07-27 16:04:32 · answer #8 · answered by kim t 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Were you there for her when she was in the accident? she may be resentful
2007-07-27 16:04:53 · answer #9 · answered by Kimmy 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She probably found a new friend
2007-07-27 16:02:19 · answer #10 · answered by Victoria K 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋