I am unsure about 2nd pregnancy... Have you felt like this before? Parents of 2 or more children....?

Question

I am 20 years ols, and i had my 1st child Sept 1, 06. I turned 20 7/12 and found out Wed I am pregnant again. I am not working, but am going to school for Medical Billing and Coding in Sept, and will be working soon (hopefully). My bf thinks I should get an abortion, but I think that is ungodly, immoral, and any other word to show how disgusted I am with the idea. However, I am still worried about what will happen when I become a mother of two. And what the gender is, and hopefully it's not twins... I don't think I can handle this, but I will do what I can to make the best life for my kids. Anybody ever felt like this? Was it easier than you expected? Harder? What did you do? And daycare is KILLER with the prices... Any help, guidance, stories, would help.

To Veritas - I believe that sex brings me and my bf closer. Some may think that's is wrong, but I love being with my bf. And I have no reason to think that sex is ONLY to bring life. I like to have sex. That's why I am still sexually active.

And my bf is thinking of or financial situation - not that he doesn't want the child. And we are planning on getting married. We've been together since 04, and this is just a minor issue. I am unsure of the outcome though...

Answer 1

2 kids are a lot harder than 1. However, don't give in and make a desicion you will regret for the rest of your life. you sound like a prime candidate for adoption. you truly want what's best for your child and don't feel that you can provide that. just to make sure you know, your bf will totally back out and not help even a little bit with this baby, no matter what your desicion. any man who suggests abortion doesn't want to take care of a kid and will not be forced to. No matter your choice it will be super hard. harder than anything else you've ever done before. you CAN take care of this child yourself. It will be hard and i can't garuntee you will make it. There are programs designed to help mom's pay for daycare. The stress is very difficult to handle. I had my first at 18, and my second at 20. I am 23 and am 6 weeks along with my third. I am in a good situation and am happy to be having another, but it could easily have gone the other way. What made the most difference in my life was having a man who was happy and wanted to care for our children. My marriage to him broke up and this child belongs to another man, but my ex is the greatest dad anyway. You should factor in how hard it will be for you to do this all alone. whatever you decide, make sure it's a decision that's best for the baby, and not yourself or your bf. I hope it works out for you

Answer 2

Yes I think a lot of us has felt this way. I have 2 girls an 8 and 5 year old. I am now pregnant with the 3d and its a boy!!!

I asked the exact same questions when I was 6 weeks on here and everyone that answered question was right! I was scheduled for an abortion on May 5th, I just couldn't possible think how in the world my husband and I could afford another child? I already go crazy with 2 kids, why would I want to start all over?

Someone on here wont mention her name, changed my mind totally. I canceled my appt. for the abortion and I am now 19 weeks pregnant. I am glad that I didn't go through with it. Look 2 is not much more different than 1, I promise. Some how everything just falls into place and seems just right. I am very luck as far as my mother in law watches my kids. The county has low income daycares try that.

I know right now it seems overwhelming but I promise you can do it. Hang in there and good luck on what ever decision you make.

Answer 3

Hi,
I am a mother of 3 kids. I am against abortion. That baby is a baby no matter what. Your bf helped make so he should start acting like an adult.
The 2nd child is so much easier then the first. It was no big deal. The hardest was my 1 and 3rd child. The first helps with the 2nd. They can play together and keep each other occupied.As long as you have a good support system you will make it. Does your bf work? Do you have savings? All those things are important. It will be harder financially but if you make it work it will work.

Answer 4

I am 21 and pregnant with my second. My daughter is 16 months now, well my bf and I just split decided we'd be better off friends (we have been having problems for a long time) I'm 37 weeks pregnant. And now I have to worry about moving back home to my family (6 hrs away) for some help. I honestly don't know how I am going to do it either. I mean I am due the middle of this month and am supposed to be moving by the 1st of Sep. I don't know how I'm supposed to do all this. I am the most stressed right now. So I know what its like. When I got preg. with this one he said the same thing about abortion and I said absolutly not! Its going to be hard but I'm sure I'll get through it and be okay. You could always get assistance from the state for a little while until you get back on your feet. Daycare is outrageous, I will probably be working for my daycare but then they have assistance programs for daycare too to help pay for it. I know a lot of people say I don't need assistance or I'm not gonna end up like that or whatever but it would just to help you get going anything would help right. Its hard and I too am going to have a hell of a time but I luckily have my family thats going to help me. If you have family that might help it does! Good Luck to you.

Answer 5

Your doubts and fears are perfectly normal for any woman, regardless of circumstances. It is a woman's job to think about these things because she cares so much about her children, she wants the absolute best for them.

Your boyfriend should respect your choice to keep your baby, and should have taken better precautions against getting you pregnant if he didn't want the possibility of raising/supporting a child.

If you do not have twins in either of your families, your chances of carrying twins are much lower. I wouldn't worry about that unless you or your boyfriend have twins in your families.

As for the gender, does it really matter? Think about how much you would love your little girl and how much you would love your little boy and you will soon see that any difficulties you might have raising either one are eclipsed by how much you would love raising them.

You can definitely do it. You are an amazing life-giving being, and you can give your children what they need.

Can you move in with a family member or move to an area where your families are closer to you? It will help a lot if you have someone to help watch the kids when you work. This can help a lot with daycare too. Friends also make good babysitters, but you want to refrain from sending the kids over for more than one day per week or they'll get burned out on it.

Get a roommate or cut back on other unnecessary living expenses. You could look into public transportation to get to and from work or school. You can also apply for Medicaid, food stamps, and other federal or state assistance. Also apply for WIC, which gives food to pregnant and breastfeeding mothers.

There are a lot of resources out there for single moms and low-income families. You can do it.

Answer 6

When I got pregnant with my second my first baby was only 2 months old. I wasn't working - cause I just had a baby. My husband had a low paying job and we lived with my parents. I was very nervous about having another baby so close together, and I was especially worried about money. I also couldn't even consider an abortion - although I am pro choice, I could just never do it myself.

We ended up with 2 girls - only 11 months apart. It wasn't that hard in the very beginning. My second baby was very easy and her big sister was an easy going 1 year old. It got harder a few months later, especially when I had to go to the store with a toddler who couldn't walk on her own yet (at least not without holding my hand) and a baby in an infant carrier. It got easier again when the youngest started walking. Now its great and I love having two - especially so close together. They will be 2 and 3 in September. They do fight and both are in a temper tantrum stage, but hey also play together and keep each other entertained. My older daugher will go get a diaper for my younger one. And its much easier to potty train the second one - she sees her big sister going and she wants to go too.

Money has been the biggest problem. Having 2 kids in diapers sucks. We spend $80 a month on diapers - and we buy cheap ones. My husband was already in the Marine Reserves when we got pregnant again, and he ended up going Active because we knew we couldn't afford the second baby with the job he had. Now we live on a military base, have excellent health care and a nice 3 bedroom house with a big yard - and its free. We don't get paid a lot ($1900 a month after witholdings) and money is still tight, but we are comfortable and I love having my two girls.

I never could have worked. I still only deliver newspapers one day a week while my husband watches the girls. Even with only one kid daycare is expensive, but with 2 in day care so much of your check goes to daycare its not worth it. Especially after taxes, gas and food.

One thing you might consider is opening a home day care. Its not too difficult to get a license and it will let you stay home with your kids and earn a little extra money.

Answer 7

I am a mother of three. I raised them pretty much as a single parent beginning when the youngest was 4. I just didn't accept failure as any sort of an option. I went back to college for 4 years, worked 35 hours a week and kept the yard and house up. We didn't eat out, take vacations, or have a savings account. Their father was absent most of the time, even though living in town after we separated.

If I can do it and others can do it, so can you. One step at a time, one day at a time, one breath at a time.

I admire your fortitude in keeping this child. You will be eternally thankful that you allowed this child to live it's life with you as it's mother. Especially the first time he/she says, "I love you so much, mommy!"

Love is the glue of the universe. So what if you don't live in a mansion, drive a fancy car, or wear the latest clothing styles. You will have the love of two beautiful children that will get you through anything. Trust that.

And any guy that asks a woman to get an abortion is selfish and immature. You would do well to wait for a loving man to come into your life and share the joy of your children. They are out there!

If a man had to bear the burden of ripping a living child from his body, he would never make it out in one piece. Sadly, that is the case for many women who go through with the awful process of exterminating a life that grows safely within them, expecting full love and full life.

Answer 8

I have 3 children and I'm pregnant with my 4th but I don't know what to tell you. To be honest it's hard to understand why you are still being sexually active when you already got pregnant once. Sex creates life....it's not something to take risks with. But I also believe God has a plan for this baby and I agree that abortion is never the right choice.

Since you are not married, maybe you should consider adoption. Or you should marry your boyfriend so that he can work to support the family and you can be a full-time mother. Your children deserve the stability that a married mother and father provide.

We are a single-income family. I have been with my children from the beginning. It can work for you.

Answer 9

finish your school and work while you are pregnant so that you can get maternity and family leave. daycare is a pain, but you would have to find an affordable daycare person instead of expensive places. If your bf wants you to abort, let him know that you are going to take full responsibility for the child and that you don't need a man to help you. Eventually he'll come around, but seriously, we don't need men to help us. They are just there because we choose them to be there for our own purposes...He is still the father and always will be no matter where he lives. The harder you work, the more rewards in life..

Answer 10

Not sure how you feel about adoption, but is it an option for you? Let me tell you, even though it may seem like you can't do it, you could if need be. I had twins in 05. I thought the twins would be too much. It wasn't. I am currently pregnant with a surprise baby. My twins won't even be two when this baby arrives. Did I have a freak out moment when I found out? Sure did, but now that I am close to delivery, I know I can handle it. Try not to stress too much. You'll do fine. Best of luck.