dont like my husband. please help.?

Question

I am getting fed up with my husband im 24 and weve been together 2 years married 1. He is very controlling, and PARANOID of me cheating on him. I cant have friends cuz theyre "bad influences". I dont work i stay home all day and im going to have a nervous breakdown. he doesnt like me to go anywhere by myself and when guys look at me when were out he gets PISSED. and my clothes are also somewhat restricted. I dont understand it, He is VERY well known (in a good way) where we are from and any girl who knows him hates me because of who he is and he is gorgeous and other than being extremely jealous he treats me like a queen. BTW he doesnt know i have this account, he would be so mad. please help

Ive known him for a long time and he has never been this "protective" with anyone else. he asked me to marry him after 4 months.

Answer 1

Okay, this isn't something to divorce him over immediately. Really, it just sounds like he is a bit insecure. Even the most GORGEOUS guys can be insecure. My husband was, cause he was oblivious to the fact that EVERY girl was NUTS about him! I know you're getting frustrated by this, but it's better to try to fix the problem than to just sit here and stew about it. Try this: try to mend his ego. Sounds to me like he's afraid that he doesn't have what it takes to keep you interested in him. Show him that you married him for a reason. Probably the only reason he's driving you crazy is this one single problem, and if he could just return to the way he was before, things would be great! After all, you said that other than that he treats you like a queen. Help him to believe that to you, he's a king! Help him to understand that you said yes to him for a reason. Maybe he's driving you nuts now, but give this a try, and I bet he becomes a lot more lovable. Remind him somehow every day that you chose him, that you married him, that you said those vows to him, and it was entirely your choice. Show him that he's got you hooked. Maybe you don't FEEL hooked right now, but didn't he have you hooked before? He could again if he'd ditch the insecure bit! Help him to lose those insecurities, and I bet things improve:) Good luck!

Answer 2

You married a psychopath you are in for a very rude and painful awaking.
Let's look at the facts that you have presented:
Tells you what to wear
Tells you who you can talk to
Tells you who you can be friends with
Blames you for "other guys" looking at you
Controlling to the point of PARANOIA
Wanted to own you after 4 months of dating
Hmmmm......
He is an abuser. Plain and simple. Run do not walk out of his life.
Forget about being the one that got the prize of this great guy. When you can't get any help and you don't have any friends or family to go to, he will probably kill you over something important like...the sun shinning in the window.

Leave as soon as possible. Get in touch with your family and your friends, and tell them that you want them in your life. Don't let him isolate you from other people. He is a real sicko, and he will make your life a lot more miserable than you can even imagine.

Peace

Answer 3

Well maybe you should have gotten to know him a little better before you married him, OH, and by the way DO NOT have any kids with him, unless you plan on staying with him. Other then that it sounds to me like he is very insecure, if I were you I would divorce him. Looks are not everything, there are people out there that look good, and will treat you good, like respect the fact that you are an honest, not a hooker. This one day could be a very bad thing for you, most domestic violence, and even murders are derived from these kinds of feelings, love hate crime!!! I would recommend that you leave!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Go to a family members house, and get divorced from this freak!!! There are so many better things out there!!!!

Answer 4

The word protective that your using is not the right word, try using the word controlling!! My husband tried that crap with me, we have been married 20 years by the way, so what you need to do is nip this in the butt right now!! What I did was just the opposite of everything he tried saying I couldn't do ,or how long I could be gone, I just did the opposite, just because your married doesn't take away the fact that you are a grown woman!! You can make decisions for your self, you are still a human being with constitutional rights's, no one has the right to trap you and take your freedom of will and independence!! Usually men that are acting the way he is acting is because he is the one who is cheating! So change your ways now, if he doesn't like it, to bad. It took me 2 years of doing the opposite of everything he said before he figured out that marriage is 50-50. He even threatened to leave me, but I just showed him the door and told him your not on my birth certificate and I'm not going to be a prisoner, period. He stayed with me, changed his way's and lived happily ever after.

Answer 5

You sound fairly extreme in your perspective as well. Your husband definitely has some serious mental health issues that need to be addressed. The most you can do yourself is seek some professional counseling. He may realize that his behaviors are causing your marriage to fall apart. You stated you were getting fed up, not fed up, so you still have a chance. You never mentioned any type of verbal or physical abuse, so that is a good thing. For better or worse.

Answer 6

He is not being protective, he is controlling, plain and simple. There is a difference between control and protect. A person only needs protection if they are in a difficult situation that they cannot handle by themselves. Do you need to be rescued? I think its time you looked at this situation in the light of day.....this is only the start. Your husband is displaying typical behaviours of an abusive man. An abusive person WILL take you away from all family and friends.....why? because its a lot easier to abuse someone without outside influences. He takes you away from family and friends so as you only have him to rely on. Once he has you totally in his web....then the real abuse will start. It is only in the early stages and if I were you I would take heed of all these warnings and get out now before it gets worse. If you dont believe me....ring up a domestic violence shelter and speak to a counsellor there. She will tell you the signs of an abuser and it is my opinion that you are living with one. Get out now before it turns physical. Get out now while you still have a bit of logic left. Its only been a year and you are starting to lose your confidence....what will it be like in 10 years? In 10 years he will have TOTAL control of you, and if you have kids, it is going to make getting away from him a lot more difficult. Get out now....it doesnt get better....not without professional intervention.........and even then the success rate is very low.

Answer 7

Run as fast as you can from this man!! I stayed with a controlling man for twenty years! What a mistake. You will always be miserable. Plan now to leave him. Save money and get a good attorney. The attorney will have him pay for the divorce. You will need to go into hiding while the divorce is being done. Do not let him know where you are . Leave the city. There are women's groups that will hide you. Do your research and save your life. You will never be free. You need a kind supportive man not a beast!

Answer 8

I don't like my husband either been together 6 years and married 2.

You should really talk to him humbly and let him know how restricted he makes you feel and how it turns you off of the relationship totally. I dated a guy like this who was extremely jealous due to his insecurities. He was the best bf I ever had and provided for all my needs and such but he just could not get over his insecurities so I had to let the relationship go. It was healther for both of us.

Answer 9

You say you "can't" have friends, but, yes, you can -- it's a free country. You say he doesn't like you to go anywhere by yourself, but you don't have to give him what he wants if you don't choose to. If you want to go out, go out. If other guys look at you and he gets angry, too bad. That's his problem and it's not your fault. Your clothes certainly are NOT restricted. Wear what you want to wear and if he doesn't like it, tough.

In other words, he can only control you to the extent that you allow him to control you. If he complains, say, "I'm sad to see you feel insecure about this, but it's just something you'll have to get over." Be kind but firm.

And what can he do? If he hits you, call 911. Otherwise, there is no power any adult has over any other adult to force her to do anything she doesn't want to do, nor to prevent her from doing whatever she wants.

Later edit: Wow, the first seven people in a row advised you to leave him! I'm just amazed that so many people advise being passive (leaving) over being assertive (exercising your rights in the relationship). You can leave if you want, of course; as I said, it's a free country! However, if you don't figure out now how to be assertive, take control of yourself, and start making decisions for yourself, you may well simply repeat your current patterns in future relationships.

Answer 10

He sounds like your father instead of your husband. He needs to start seeing you as a partner instead of a possession. Tell him that. If he doesn't accept it then you need to quit looking at him as such a "prize" that everyone else wants & walk away. Living as a prisoner in your own home is far from a desirable life.

On another note...people who are often afraid of or accuse their spouses of cheating are usually the ones doing the cheating. It's a way to take the focus off of him & put it on you.