To those who have been in an abusive relationship...????

Question

I have been married for almost a year now and for about the past 5 months my husband has been very verbally abusive. On July 2 we were arguing about something and he started shoving me into the cabinets on the dresser in our bedroom and then started slamming me on the bed and finally just pinned me down. Last Sunday, July 22 we were in another argument about something he had said to me that was mean. He trapped in the bathroom and wouldn't let me out until I answered his questions. While we were in the bathroom he started shoving against the toilet. He hasn't hit me, just pushed and shoved me. Do any of you think his abuse is going to get worse or stop? I can't tell right now if it is escalating or not. He always denies both the verbal and the physical abuse. Any thoughts on my situation???

Answer 1

It's only going to get worse. I am speaking from experience. He needs major anger counseling, and you both need marriage counseling. Please seek help ASAP! Don't feel frightened to call the police. Call them if you feel like your life is in danger, please.

Answer 2

Call a Battered Women's Hotline asap! It has clearly escalated already! Nothing at first, then verbal abuse, then pushing and shoving. I think you know what's coming next. FYI pushing and shoving are forms of hitting but they are only the beginning. Your husband is following the stages to a T and you are beginning to be in serious physical danger.

You might be surprised to know that domestic violence isn't actually about hitting. Hitting is one symptom only. It is about domestic terrorism basically - an escalating pattern where one party in a relationship gains power and control over the other party in a relationship through coercion, lies, entrapment, neglect, brainwashing, and sometimes physical force.

I think you know the truth already. Your husband is not the man you married and he will either deny what he is doing altogether or keep apologizing and keep doing it. Get out before there are children - that's a real nightmare. Protect yourself immediately. The people at the battered women's hotlines are just sitting there hoping you will call them. Call more than one if you need to, if you need additional confirmation of what you are going through.

The stories only differ in the details. The pattern is always the same. Call now. You are absolutely not alone.

Answer 3

Dsoftball,
I want to wise you up on the abuse you are suffering from at this moment. It starts out with the verbal abuse first, next comes the physical abuse that includes: shoving, hitting, trapping you against your will, and then mental abuse the worst of them all. Mental abuse will lower your self-esteem to wear you can't look friends and family members in the face without showing your hurt. Your husband has some anger problems to wear he can't sit and communicate with you without putting his hands on you. It only gets worst and this is the beginning you going through at this time. Seek some marriage counseling for you and him to expose his behavior from another point of view. No woman should be disrespected by no man because every woman has been raise once, and don't need another parent in their lives.They need a understanding spouse and partner. If I was you I would get out of the situation you in until he gets help or get his act together as a husband. I should know because you are hearing from someone who has been there and suffer the results of all kind of abuse at the hands of a husband and a baby daddy. Its no fun looking in the mirror at bruises of your face and arms, just to hear the man say I'm sorry for what I did, until the next episode.

Answer 4

For me it started with shoving and pushing then it only escalated to actual hitting... at first he would deny he was doing anything wrong, it finally got the the point where he would say that he was just like that he couldn't help it, or it was my fault I know that when you are in the situation that it is very hard to see the big picture, but I promise once you are out you will see a lot more clearly about everything that was going on. Please don't allow yourself to stay in this situation.

Answer 5

Yes, I have been in an abusive relationship and yes I know exactly how you feel!!! I am now divorcing him. We were married for 1 year and 10 months when I left him. He was emotionally abusive but beginning to show the signs of physical abuse.

Your husband is physically abusing you now. Its not just the hitting, its the pushing, the locking you in the bathroom and the pinning on the bed.

This is how they lure you in: its gradual. Slowly, he'll increase his abuse as he sees you wearing down more and more. This is how they gain control over you.

He doesn't love you. Abusers don't know how to love. Its all about obsession and control. Something happened to him in his childhood. How is his family life? My ex's family are all weirdos too.

Please leave him asap. You certainly deserve better than this. Its only going to get worse, seriously! You are in very grave danger, hon. Find a time when he is at work for you to leave. Get your things in order and get the important docs together: bank accounts, credit cards, his SSN, your docs for your car...

Answer 6

I think you should divorce and leave him if this doesn't stop. NO woman EVER deserves this. I am 17 and when I was 16 my boyfriend was a jerk. a total jerk in the same way. I knew that it was just all bad news and I left him.
Of course it's hard, but you'll be so much happier.
I worry about women like you all the time because most never do anything to stop the abuse, they just kind of let it happen and don't do anything about it.
You need to be up front with him, be agressive back. say "DO NOT shove me." if he touches you like that again I really think you should pack up and leave. stay with family of friends. but I don't think he's going to get better unless he goes through counseling and all that. If I were you I would leave. Being married to a man like that isn't worth it and I would love for you to be safe, even if we are strangers.

Answer 7

It may not get worse,but it will never stop, especially when he doesn't think that he's done anything wrong.
But do you really think pushing and shoving ISN'T physical abuse? I'm going to inform you....IT IS!!!!!
I've been there, once they get to this point there is no help for them, leave before you find out that it can get worse.

www.drirene.com Its a cheeky looking website but it has great information about different types of abuse, the signals, the signs, and most of all, no matter what it isn't your fault. Its only your fault if you stay and continue to let it happen. It helped me.

Answer 8

I will be honest with you, as I've seen it with countless friends and family members...get out of there. If this is becomming a more and more constant thing, it will get worse and worse. Just because he hasn't hit you doesn't make what he's doing to you acceptable, and doesn't mean that he won't hit you. You need to go stay with a friend and have your husband seek help for his actions, or things will only escalate. my step father used to be very abusive both verbally and physically to my mother. they started going to marriage counseling, and my step father found that his actions were attributed to having several older girls sexually abuse him as a child. Perhaps you and your husband should seek help from someone who can help answer why your husband acts this way...

Answer 9

Two words:

G E T

O U T.


You have received only the first part of what will turn VERY bad.

Very frequently people think if they love their partner more, or try to accommodate him/her more, this will turn their partner around.

They are NEVER right.

You can and should seek counselling for yourself. Look for women's assistance/legal aid/shelter.

Do it NOW.


If he repeats any of these things, or does other things similar, or worse, call emergency services and the police.

PLEASE do not underestimate the danger you are in.

You owe it to yourself to leave the relationship, and that means cancel it entirely.

There must be NO half-way measures, NO compromise. None at all.

Go back to the top two words:

GET OUT.

Answer 10

Absolutely, get out now!!! Pushing and shoving are physical abuse and it will get worse. Of course he is going to deny it, that is how they get control over you, they make you question and doubt your self. Before long your entire sense of "reality" will be turned upside down and you won't know whats right and wrong. It's already happening and you don't even realize it. If you saw a stranger shoving and pushing his/her spouse you wouldn't even question it. You would know right away that it was an abusive relationship. Please, get help and get out.

Answer 11

Oh my, You are in a serious situation. YES!!!!!!!!!!!! IT WILL GET WORSE, and it doesn't matter either way, what he is doing is Bad enough. I watched my father pin my mother done and be extremely verbally abusive until she divorced him when I was five, and has deeply affected my life for the worse. Are you planning on having children? Also, what if your daughter came to you with the same question, what would you tell her? You are in my prayers. You need to get out NOW, if he will not get help.