How do I get my husband to take charge of this marriage? Tired of wearing the pants!?

Question

I make all the decisions and provide all the discipline in the house..pay the bills and make all the decisions when its time to go out to eat, shop,etc. How can I get him to realize that this is his position as well, if not more. How can I get him, a 33 year old boy, become a 33 year old MAN?

Answer 1

Force him to make the decisions.

I know the power, etc. cant get shut off,
and some people just aren't good at that kinda thing

so guess what - you're the bill payer.
Make that sacrifice.

I think you need to make a lot of sacrifices.

Not to be rude, but your question reeks of a controlling attitude. I bet that you've controlled everything in your house (right down to the way the sheets are folded) and treated your husband as one of the children for so long that you forget how to let him make his own decisions.

And remember that men aren't terribly complex and tend to follow the path of least resistance.
Ever think that he's afraid to do those things?
What will happen if he does it the wrong way?
Will you yell at him in front of the kids?

One more question:
You said he acts like a boy and not a man.
When was the last time you treated him like a man?
Or let him make his own decisions?
or let him discipline the children the way he sees fit?

I know it might sound harsh, but my life is so much happier and easier since I learned what it is to be my husband's helper.

Lots of love and good luck!
<3

Answer 2

I think that you can make him nervous and set some fire underneath him by instead of caring too much, start acting more and more like you don't care (even though you and I know you do). I had the same trouble with my husband a while back so I started to become non-oppinionated from time to time and he started to notice that I wasn't taking much interest in what goes on in our lives. Just subtle things that you start to not mention or do really helps. Then when things start to come undone, don't get nervous right away. Just tell him casually about them and then go back to what you were doing or change the subject. Eventually, like all humans, the less attention you show him, the more he will become interested in why you've changed your reactions and why you aren't showing any interest. So far this has worked for me. Sometimes, I do need to take care of the bare-neccessities; i.e. certain bills that need paying, the routine care of our home and son, etc.... but don't care too much on where you go out to eat or shop or do for fun. Just tell him what your going to do, and if he wants to be with you, eventually he'll come along or follow you out the door.

Answer 3

Stop doing everything. Take the stack of bills & hand them to him. When it comes time for a decision ask him to make it. When it comes to discipline ask him what to do. Maybe he wants to take charge but hasn't felt needed in that position. If it's just a case of him wanting to be irresponsible & acts like your child instead of your husband...well....good luck with that one. If he doesn't have a mama to run back too maybe a trial separation would be good so he can learn the REAL responsibilities of running a household & appreciate all the hard work you've been doing all these years.

Answer 4

Has he always been this way or did something happen and he changed? Is he a mama's boy? Just asking because I have seen it happen where a man never grows up because mommy stays involved too much.

You need to talk to him and let him know how you feel. He needs to be more involved and not expect you to do everything. You did not mention if you work or if he is the sole provider for the family. If he is, that may be part of the problem. He may feel like you are home and he is working so you need to be the one in charge. However, if you both work, he needs to help out.

Tell him to grow a pair. Good luck.

Answer 5

Just give him a few of the bills to pay and if the lights are turned off once or twice that's okay. You just need to gently get him to the habit of helping. If you don't nag him, but just push a little more onto his plate he may not even notice.
It sounds like I am telling you to baby him, but I honestly think sometimes you get better results this way. Everything doesn't have to be a fight.

Good luck to you.

Answer 6

Tell him that if you wanted another child to raise you would of adopted him instead of marring him. Tell him that it is time to grow up and start taking on some of the responsibilities or move out. Ask him that if you are going to have to do it all anyway, why do you need him around? I would give him a choice!

Answer 7

i'm in the same boat, i'm the only one working and he is a stay at home dad but still its me that makes the decisions. i've talked to him and he says he wont be able to get a good paying job thats why i'm the head of household. but i cant complain much, cause i do like being in charge but he needs to be a man.

Answer 8

At that age you have little chance of making a man out of him. He has had a mother, a maid and a wh*re and you put up with it. Just stop doing anything and make him do it if he wants it done. Then it will be who blinks first. Good luck.

Answer 9

Maybe.....you make him feel inferior. Maybe you think you want him to wear the pants but you really never give him the chance. Maybe you are too controlling. Maybe......you are overbearing and maybe if he ever did take control he would realize that this relationship isn't what makes him happy? Maybe you should look at yourself before him and always be careful what you wish for.

Answer 10

You should let him know how you feel. It might be too much for him to handle at first so you can let him take care of a couple of things at a time like deciding what to do on the weekends and stuff.