I am 21 years old, just had a baby and my self esteem couldn't be lower and to top it off, I find hundreds of pictures of this beautiful girl all over my computer(in the history folder, of course). I had to snoop because I was starting to wonder what he did on the internet. Then, he looks at her pics all the time. It really bothers me...why does he do it? We know this girl from a long time ago....like the 6th grade and she is drop dead gorgeous but why? Also, he has this thing with chicks in their bikini's...why? I found pics of "young lesbians".....another why? He won't give me any answers really....so maybe someone on here can. I don't want to discuss it with anyone because I don;t want anyone thinking that our relationship is rocky. He has done this before and I explained to him how much it hurt me but he turned around and did it again. Why? To remind you, we have been together for 6 years, married almost a year and just had a child together. I don't want to leave but if I have to..
2007-07-27 07:48:30 · 22 answers · asked by littlechic14_2000 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It is in a man's nature but it is more disturbing that it a woman he knows and not just some airbrushed bimbo. I would imagine with having the baby and lack of sleep that you aren't interested in sex right now. He still is. I always try to remind myself that he is doing this rather than cheat on me. If it is something you still can't handle let him know that you are willing to leave him over this. He will hopefully be more willing to talk to you about it and maybe you two could work something out. There are so many things he could be doing that are much worse. Hitting you, actually cheating on you, ignoring you. You'll make it through this no matter what you decide. Good luck honey.
2007-07-27 07:59:27 · answer #1 · answered by wazup_dude2007 4 · 3⤊ 2⤋
I'm going to answer this question simply by saying that, he is a MAN. Nothing more and nothing less. If he's anything like a straight male then that's normal behavior. So what if he gawks at a woman on the computer...you're married to him. All you have to do is be the woman your parents groomed you to be, and instill that same confidence into your child. I'm pretty sure you watch tv or walk down the street and see someone you think is sexy or desirable and you keep it to yourself.
My question to you is if he keeps this in a separate internet folder, why are you sneeking looks through it establishing your distrust towards him. I know you just mentioned that you had a baby, and maybe you're going through PPD ( Post Pardom Depression ) which would explain the temporary self- esteem issue, but you need to get over that and step your game up a bit tighter. When your ready, get yourself back in shape by exercising everyday. Show him he has the samething lying right next to him, if not better. Don't let the picture ge the best of you, be better than the picture.
Think about it she's just eye candy......There are plenty of people you go to school with that will surprise you in the longrun. 10 out of 10 times women had to know that there husbands or boyfriends looked at other women or porn from time to time. doesn't mean he'll put that woman before his family. So what I'm saying to you is, let small stuff like that go. However, if you feel that a picture is worth giving up a marriage that just started, then be your guest and go.
2007-07-27 15:31:38 · answer #2 · answered by 00silky 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
I had this same problem in my relationship about three times now. Well after the third time of deleting everything off the computer and finding it all again, I broke down! I told him that if I am to ever find it again I was leaving and I meant it. I discussed with him why it upset me and hurt me so much. I think I finally made him understand. It made me feel very self conscious and like I just wasn't good enough. We have two children so I know all about the self conscious issues. Now it's been almost a year and nothing! Hope this helps, and good luck. Just talk to him, I cried and yelled until I was blue in the face, but looks like I finally got somewhere this time! But just know, it really doesn't mean that he cares any less about you or isn't happy with you. Although I know it seems that way, because that's how I felt too!
2007-07-27 14:56:56 · answer #3 · answered by byers7325 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Men are very visual creatures...they love the visual stimulation that watching porn, or looking at sexy women gives them.
My husband and I on the odd occasion, do watch porn together however, I'd be very disturbed if I found out he was looking at pictures of any women he or I both knew.
The only thing I can think why your husband looks, is because he enjoys it.
How often does he watch porn etc? If it's just occasionally, let it go...if it's alot, he may have problems.
I feel awful for you....you've explained to your husband that this is hurting you and yet, he continues to keep hurting you. That's sad...maybe he has an addiction? I don't know.
Seek councelling and if he doesn't want to go, go along yourself. A councellor should be able to give you a better insight into how to go about this.
I wish you luck and I hope things get better.
2007-07-27 15:00:58 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
I agree and i used to fight w/ my bf about it every few months. I love how people say well at least he's not cheating on you he's just looking at it instead of going out and doing it.What kind of statement is that? Its like there condoning the behavior. Porn is degrading to woman and guys think that its normal. Do we do this stuff, no so its not "normal". Def give him an altimadium and let him know it bothers you. It worked for me for the past year at least so hopefully it'll work for you. I wouldn't tolerate it either so don't feel bad.
When i first went on my bf computer when we started dating i musta deleted 100 pics of ex's and he was mad but he had me and didn't need them anymore!
2007-07-27 15:13:08 · answer #5 · answered by NY Yanks Girrl 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Men have been socially conditioned to "expect" the ability to look at whores all day on the internet and "expect" that women won't be offended by this. Men have been socially trained to be insensitive and "expect" women to tolerate their rude behavior.
Men don't NEED porn....it wasn't always readily available; only in the last century has there been any real way for it to be publicly available.
I find it to be quite degrading -- especially to the person living with the porn-hogging jerk. Who cares if the women have so little self-respect that they have to sell sex and their bodies, that does NOT mean for one minute that it must be tolerated by the women who are emotionally damaged by their men psychologically cheating with those very same tramps.
If you find it bothersome, speak up. TELL your man how hurtful it is. Worst case, you password the computer to keep him off it. Be a ***** about it. No one needs to be degraded like that!
2007-07-27 14:56:11 · answer #6 · answered by Brutally Honest 7 · 3⤊ 2⤋
Any man that looks at other women on the internet and likes porn has major issues! This is really a HUGE red flag and quite frankly there's more going on than you know about.
Remember men don't change their behavior just because they're married. My advice to anyone is never to rely on anyone for support, emotionally or financially.
2007-07-27 14:57:56 · answer #7 · answered by Perplexed 2 · 4⤊ 2⤋
he maybe curious about the "playing feild'syndrome.but for hundreds of pictures of one girl could be a severe fantasy of her.for the bikini thing,falss back to fantasy.i have heard of sexual fantasy disorders both for men and wamen.one night take him to the computer and look with him,talk about each picture and pay close atteintion to his ideas about them.find out if he suffers from a porn issue or ????.try to help him get over it.you been together a long time,just try to help him get over it and maybe take some sexy pix of yourself and put them on the computer(private use only)without him knowin g and next time he gets on he sees you.watch around cornner see how he reacts.
2007-07-27 15:13:38 · answer #8 · answered by thomasj29108 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
What is really amazing to me, what makes this question stand out from all the hundreds of other he's-comparing-me-to-porn- models questions asked here, what I can't wrap my mind around is: where did he get "hundreds" of pictures of a girl you both know??? Is she naked? Are you saying you are mutual acquaintances of a woman who takes erotic photos for a living? It makes me wonder where he got them. It makes me wonder if he is in contact with her and she told him all the places where he could download her pics, or that she emailed the pics to him. It makes me wonder whether he may have an actual relationship with this woman you both know. Amazing.
2007-07-27 15:03:32 · answer #9 · answered by Happy-2 5 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Men look at other women and porn because they can. It's like breathing or scratching their butts. It just is.
He's not ogling women in front you, is he? He's not comparing you to those other women He's not insisting that you watch the porn with him, right? (Not that that's necssarily a bad thing, watching together that is).
Men are weird. They're entirely different than women are.
And, why are you 'snooping' on the computer anyway?
2007-07-27 14:58:23 · answer #10 · answered by Durga sings the classics 6 · 1⤊ 2⤋