I hate being in love with my boyfriend of 6 yrs. He's such an as*hole sometimes and i'm really sensitive, i try not to be but i just want to have a good relationship with him & to be a happy couple but i have very bad trust issues with him because he's cheated on me before! I don't want to love him but i just cant let him go, i don't see myself with any other guy!
What should i DO!
2007-07-27 07:23:18 · 42 answers · asked by liza 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I HAVE A 2yr. OLD WITH HIM & LIVE WITH HIM!
2007-07-27 07:46:54 · update #1
I had a very similar situation about 6 months ago, but did not have a child with my ex boyfriend. I did the same thing. I am very sensitive myself. I would do anything he asked and went above and beyond what I should have. He was charming at first but I found out he lied to me, then took him back. Then he cheated on me, and I took him back. He cheated and lied to me several times again and I took him back. I loved him, why, I don't know. But, he didn't truly love me. Your issue as well as mine was self-esteem. I know that he made me miserable and that I deserved to much better. But, you have to build your self-esteem up about yourself and realize that you are a wonderful person. You should not be a doormat to anyone. The right man will come along who will appreciate you and your sensitivity and cherish it. Don't settle for anything less that what you deserve. I am still by myself but it's by choice. I decided that I'm a beautiful and smart and caring woman who is not going to settle for a man that is not worthy to have me and love me for who I am and neither should you. I am much happier being by myself than being with a man who walks all over me. Please leave him and move on with your life. Plus, it's not healthy for your child to be around this type of environment.
2007-08-01 10:23:15 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi Liza,
You have been hurt deeply by your boyfriends actions, I am so sorry to hear that, but since you have made a decision to stay with him, you will need to forgive him, learn to trust him again and move forward. The longer you hang on to not trusting him, the more you will push him away and the more pain you will be in. It certainly is not easy and maybe you will never gain full trust but, men are biologically just different than women. They go through life with constant sexual desires and need to control themselves to remain faithful. They will, if they really love you! I don't know if this is a one time incident or a pattern, but if it is a pattern, it will continue as long as you allow it. So, don't! There are no guarantees in life. Love should not hurt and you deserve happiness.
Can you see a counselor to help you through this or couples counseling? You may need some medication. Only you can decide whether to stay together or not. If you decide to end your relationship though, never feel that you can't make it on your own because you can and will. Do not believe that there will never be another to love. It is your life and you choose whether or not to invite someone in to share it. You do not need a man.
You need to make yourself happy. Nobody can do it for you. Look into taking a course at a local community college or high school. Something on self help or something fun. Painting, cooking, yoga, whatever. It will build your self confidence and get your mind on something productive.
FOR JUST ONE DAY!
We can do anything for one day.
So, just for today, let us be unafraid of life,
unafraid to be happy, to enjoy the beautiful, to believe the best. Just for today, let us live one day only, forgetting yesterday and tomorrow and not trying to solve the whole problem of life at once.
Good luck and I hope I have inspired you. You will survive!
2007-07-27 08:36:06 · answer #2 · answered by chillin 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If someone would describe my relationship, it would be what you just said. We've worked through a lot of the problems and I'm for the most part happy, but he still has a short temper and its hard to deal with that. The trust issue is hard. My boyfriend has changed so much since he cheated that I don't worry as much about that. I thought about breaking up with him several times and a despair like I've never known would settle in. I had to remind myself that leaving him did not mean finding another boyfriend. It meant finding myself. Right now you can't see yourself with another guy because your his girlfriend, the person he helped create with his ideas, thoughts, opinions, kisses, etc. If you do find the courage to leave, you'll eventually find yourself again. And it will be hard, you'll think about him a lot. Then one day you'll say, I know who I am. It may be that you are the girl who is supposed to be with him and you'll find a way to go back into his arms and it could be that your someone else entirely and you'll find another man who makes your dreams come true. Good luck and remember to be courageous. Entire lives have been changed with the smallest of steps.
2007-07-27 07:34:17 · answer #3 · answered by wazup_dude2007 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow, you sound just like me of my daughters father of 7 years. We were together 7 years and he cheated on me once that I know of. I took him back. Then he started little by little become a real jerk. He never wanted to spend time with me or take me anywhere. It got really bad. It took a really big wakeup call before I realized that I was not really happy. I left, and he begged me back 3 weeks later. I am happy to say that I turned him down. It never felt better to turn him down for a change. I am now with another man about to get married. I would not have changed a thing. Point is, there is someone out there that can make you happy. They can give you what you need to be happy. Don't settle for something like this. You will not see yourself with another guy, because you have never had it with the right guy before. Think really hard about what makes you happy. Make a list of the loves and hates of your realtionship and look at them in the big picture. You will make the right choice, whether it be today or a year from now. Just think if it is a year from now you have wasted a year of your life that you could have found mr. right.
Good luck
2007-07-27 07:30:30 · answer #4 · answered by rae 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
To be honest, your relationship is not healthy. A good relationship is built on trust, love and respect. If he behaves like an a**hole towards you, he does not respect you; if he's cheated on you, he definitely does not respect or truly love you. You've admitted that you have a difficult time trusting him and you really can't maintain a healthy relationship without trust.
I would advise you to break-up with him. It may be hard at first, but if you are committed to being apart, it will get easier with time. Do not have any sort of communication with him. To keep your mind off of him and the former relationship, hang out with friends, volunteer, explore new hobbies, get a part-time job, join a rec sports league, take some classes (college or community ed.), etc. The key is to keep busy.
Best wishes to you!
2007-07-27 07:29:50 · answer #5 · answered by Sturm und Drang 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh honey let me tell you how much I understand. I am in the same situation. I have a 15 month old son with my man. We have been together 3 years now and have known each other 14 years. It is really hard to see yourself with someone else. Do you really want to stay and start a family with someone you don't trust and are unhappy with? I know my man is a real As* hole, mostly it is when he is being too hard on himself and ends up taking it out on me and everybody else. You are going to have to trust him or let him go. Neither one of you are going to be happy without trust. Can you talk to him? When he isn't frustrated is the question? Has he done anything to try and rebuild your trust?
2007-07-27 07:36:10 · answer #6 · answered by Kristen 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you don't want to endure more heartbreak, I suggest you break up with him before (1) he cheats on you again or (2) he breaks up with you first.
People aren't really supposed to hate being in love. From what you've written about him, it seems as though underneath it all, you're not sure about him. You are a sensitive, smart woman, and he is a cheater who thinks it's okay to be disloyal to a person who loves him as much as you do.
I know this might sound cliche, but once a cheater, always a cheater. If you're looking for a great, strong, passionate relationship, I think you should look for someone who will love you as much as you love him. He is taking you for granted.
I know you don't know me, but really think about it. You CAN let him go, and there are plenty of other men in our world.
2007-07-27 07:32:37 · answer #7 · answered by Addict. 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
honey. being in love is one of the biggest illusions your mind can have on you.
i lost my boyfriend and best friend this year in school and it sucks. it took me months to get over it.
things i did to help
- start doing things for you. get a manicure or a massage hang out with some girlfriends.
-start gardening it will occupy you.
- go to a coffee shop with a book and stay there all day. meet new people and strike up conversations.
- have a garage sale and sell all your junk. it will help you like start over. throw out the bad and begin with a new outlook on life.
-clean your home. start fresh.
- cook yourself a nice meal and start exercising ( if you don't already).
- visit family. it will make you appreciate the ones that will always be there for you.
dont'
- sit in bed all day and eat ice cream and chocolate. you will end up feeling sorry for yourself.
prove to yourself your better off without him and your a stronger person now that you can rely on yourself. and when the time is right you will meet a great man that you can trust and love unconditionally.
keep occupied. and may god bless you. hope this helps. i know what your going through
- taylor
2007-07-27 07:31:23 · answer #8 · answered by Tay 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Can Cheaters Change? Not a chance! Even if the victim accepts the offender back into the relationship, the offender will be likely to stray again -- because he knows he's already gotten away with it once....one study showed that couples with infidelity issues showed greater dishonesty, arguments about trust, narcissism, and time spent apart -- made him explore other options. And that's ultimately what makes him prone to do it again.
2007-07-27 07:30:20 · answer #9 · answered by jennpor 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are plenty of men out there. You're telling me you don't see yourself with any of them?
It's been 6 years, and you have this type of problem? This relationship is never going to get better. If he still can't respect you, he never will.
Once you start to value yourself a little more, the sensitivity BS will go away, and you won't let anyone disrespect you.
2007-07-27 07:29:46 · answer #10 · answered by ron-D 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋