My husband has lived with his mistress for over a year now. He is still married to me and has said he doesnt want a divorce. Not sure why? I moved to another state with our 6 yr old son. After all the lies and cheating I still love him. How can that be? Is it just missing him or is it really love? how can you know?
2007-07-27 06:46:45 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You still love him , because you can not just turn love off. You are a better person than this. Belive me this has happened to me twice. I know this is hard but this will not happen to me again..Look you have a child, you both can be parents w/o being legally married.. You are not together now...Turn him loose and build a life for yourself and your child..This is your life why live like this. He does not want a divorce because he loves his life like this and he knows you arestill with him ..Why would he want a divorce when he has both worlds...Good luck Please get some counseling it will help you build a better choice and gain your self esteem...
2007-07-27 07:19:38 · answer #1 · answered by Barbi R 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Interesting situation.
Obviously one would summize from him not wanting to get a divorce that he would be in line to lose alot of his cash. You have a child together, a divorce would be something he can't or doesnt want to afford.
And about you still loving him, it's natural. I believe that you will continue on loving him, since it seems to me that you would be one to forgive such an act of adultry. Yes, parts of it can be that you miss him so much after being in your life for such a long time, but there is still alot of love there.
My advice to you is to serve him with divorce papers. If he has chosen someone else over you, it's time to move on. Because right now, you still having love for him is a bad thing and could very well turn this unfortunate situation into something worse.
Once you are no longer legally attached, I think you could be able to accept what he has done and the feelings will fade over time. I wish for you the best and I do hope you divorce the guy.
-D
2007-07-27 13:54:18 · answer #2 · answered by GoonterTheJellyDog 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You might still love him or you might just be missing him and adjusting. Some people can't get over things for many reasons. Though it seems he has. Sounds to me like you need to move on or be happy with him having a mistress. He paying for everything else? If not then set up a deal where he takes care of things financially if you don't want to divorce him. Otherwise its time to move on.
2007-07-27 14:01:13 · answer #3 · answered by JoeP 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
of course he doesn't want the divorce, as he will have to pay u child support, and maybe he really isn't sure of the other woman yet. u still love him because u have no confidence or self worth, and u still want what it use to be before he began cheating on u. but don't u realize it can never be the same as it once was. if he loved u he would not be with her. u need to get on with your life and stop hoping for a miracle here. your life is on hold, until he either divorces u or comes home. real love is based on trust, not lust and emotions. your self worth should not come from if he comes back to u, because what would u have even if he did come back, but a cheater who probably would do it again and again to u. plus divorces are expensive and he might be required to give u something financially he doesn't want to.
2007-07-27 13:58:37 · answer #4 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well he's your husband and the father of your child, so a part of you will always love him. However what he has for you isn't love. Love doesn't hurt, he cheated and lied. He's not that wonderful man you thought you married. But over time your love for him will fade. Plus if he's still with her and telling you he doesn't want a divorce it's not out of love for you it's out of convenience for him. Finish him off, legally leave him.
2007-07-27 13:52:10 · answer #5 · answered by beanie_babymama 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My mom went through the same thing. My parents have been married for over 30 years. over 20 of those years were with us living in Missouri with my mom and my dad living in Indiana with his mistress. I don't know how she dealt with the bouts of loneliness but I do know that she put an awful lot of her attention on me and my sister. That made it harder when we were old enough to move on. I think that eventually you will see you are better off without him and i know you deserve better than that. You need to find a way to get out of the marriage. My dad just moved back in with my mom after his mistress (same one) died. Now she feels stuck with him. I don't know what you are feeling but you really do need to fight it. You DESERVE SO MUCH BETTER THAN THIS!!! Take care of your son and yourself. You have hidden strength you don't even know about. You can make it through this.
2007-07-27 15:44:00 · answer #6 · answered by wazup_dude2007 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's still love, because sometimes when you really love someone you can forgive them for anything, no matter how terrible the act may be. Prehaps he doesn't want to divorce because he
1) is having a life crisis and this is temporary
2) is a deadbeat who doesn't want to pay you alimony and child support.
my bets are with the second one....but you really need to talk to him and tell him if he wants this to be over then you are going to divorce him, because it's not fair to you to be in a marriage where you are not loved, and where your husband lives with another woman.
2007-07-27 14:00:43 · answer #7 · answered by ♥Mommy to 3 year old Jacob and baby on the way♥ 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I hate the word love because it is so vague. Ask 100 people to define it, and you get 100 different answers. You still feel drawn to a man that has completely betrayed you, which means that your need for whatever he gives you is greater than your need to live as if you deserve--at the very least--a faithful husband. No one deserves to be betrayed like you have, and for you to consider putting yourself through more can only mean you have low self esteem. My advice is to fake self worth, which will result one day in your own belief in it. In other words, look at yourself the way you would look at your son and treat yourself the way you would want him to be treated. Not only will you behaving as if you had dignity, not only will you be setting a good example for your son, but you will find that you will begin to attract people who are worthy of you.
2007-07-27 13:56:46 · answer #8 · answered by Detlefsen 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Time for you to move on and I don't mean move again. He is living with his gf and she must want to get married and you are a good reason not too. You are giving him reason to still live with this woman with no real commitment. He has your life on hold while getting a piece of a** for himself and living free. The only way you are going to be able to let go is to really let go. Start dating get a divorce. Don't let him control your life any longer
2007-07-27 13:53:29 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's jealousy my friend! he's in a position that has choices between u and his mistress which makes you jealous and brings an extreme love!
PS: have you ever noticed when out mother or father say "I love you" we don't get turned on much as if it is a normal sentence but when our boyfriend or girlfriend says that our heart beats faster? thats because we're sure that out parents love...we know it is secure and remains as it is but gf or bf 's love can be gone to any1 else so that's why we enjoy his/her expressing of love!. in your case you're fallen in a dirty situation that you satisfy your love with jealousy and can't help it like a desperate for love. I suggest you to collect all your broken pieces of pride and forget him forever. Its time for him to wake up!
2007-07-27 13:58:09 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋