Why are divorcees more likely to divorce again?

Question

For quite sometime statistics have shown that second and third marriages are more likely to end in divorce than first marriages. I personally have noticed that most of the women and men that have been married and divorced end up divorcing again and again afterwards sometimes they divorce for legitimate reasons like cheating or abuse but other times they just do it suddenly and simply say they have "fallen out of love" then they remarry and start the whole process again. What are your opinions? and what do you think is the reason for this trend?

sorry the previous question had some errors so i deleted it...bear with me.

Answer 1

It probably so easy becuase your first marriage is the mariage you hopee and try you butt off to work on. Once you reached that point of divorce you can say your first marriage is over. You have to deal with telling everyone and deal with it yourself. So once you crossed that hurdle, so to speak, it makes it so much easier to just give up and quit, becuase you've done it before. Everyone wants there first marriage to work so when it doesn't its so much easier to continue for looking for one that will. Marriage should be worked on to the fullest. Divorce is taken WAY to lightly. People divorce over the dumbest sh*t now adays. "Oh we fight to much...blah blah blah" the reality is that once society pictures divorce as "getting what you deserve" it becomes an easier step to take. Marriages all go through hard times, but to me, marriage isn't aobut the love you have its how you get through the hard times and show eachtoher in the end, how it is to love eachother. So divorce becomes easier once you give into it the first time, becuase that was thae hardest one to decide.

Answer 2

I'm no expert but I would have to think that once you do something for the first time, you tend to do it again. I know that seems very basic but think about it:

You put all this energy and emotion into a relationship/marriage. Then you completely stress yourself out to end it in divorce. The process can be absolutely awful but if you get through it an gain a new perspective on life it almost becomes an "out" the next time around.

On a smaller level, think about when you were a kid. If you faced your fear or something that caused anxiety, you got over it and would do it again because it doesn't seem like as big a deal. I think the same thing applies but obviously on a much different level.

Sometimes the things that adults do are for the same reasons that children do things. I am not saying that divorcees are childish whatsoever, I am just saying that human nature apllies itself in similar ways.

Answer 3

You seem like you know some of the answers for these divorces repeating themselves. It is due to unresolved issues that maybe they obviously couldn't fix the first time around either. Also, they may really want their marriage to work but because the other party isn't working on it and feel the same way it could lead to a divorce. I think people need to be realistic - the tingly exciting stage is going to be over in ANY long term relationship and that is when the work begins. Some people mistake the initial feelings for love because it is a whirlwind of a romance. Then, they realize that their not really compatible or in love. Love can conquer all if BOTH parties are willing to work on it!!

Answer 4

Its sort of like crossing the line into sexual taboo. I'll explain: At first you're totally against it b/c it goes against the grain of normality. But once you cross the line there's no coming back...and then it becomes more acceptable to you to do taboo things.

Even though divorce has been a "norm" (50% of marriages in the US end in divorce) its still not really acceptable. There's still a stigma attached to divorcee's...."there is something wrong with them emotional / physically or financially...if there wasn't then why are they divorced?" Most ppl go into their first marriage not intending to get divorced and even with negative thoughts about divorce. They think it can never happen to them AND THEY would NEVER divorce. But the day comes they cheat or a spouse cheats and it's time for the divorce process. Now the line has been crossed...they realize it's easier emotionally and financially to do than initially hypothesised....so they are more inclined to do it again.

Answer 5

I would imagine all the newness of marriage, the excitement that it bears wears off alot when one goes through their divorce. But the people remember what they felt like going through the marriage paces, so they want that feeling again.

More often than not, they pursue those feelings without the same amount of brain power they put into it the first time. So they may be blind to the shortcomings and incompatability of the next person they choose.

Second, third marriages tend to have a shorter courtship time than the first one which backs up my theory.

Only fools rush in.

-D

Answer 6

There are numerous reasons why people who divorce once will divorce again. They seem to take their same relationship problems in communication and understanding to their next relationship, which sabatoges it from the beginning. It is also easier to do something when you know what to expect, so while the first divorce is harder to go through the subsequent divorces are more of the easy out. Also some people have expectations of marraige that are unrealistic and spend their life trying to find that perfect someone rather than try and make things work with the one they are with. It is human nature to believe that you are missing out on something or that the grass is greener on the other side of the fence, so skipping from marraige to marraige is unconsciously natural to some people.

Answer 7

Hi I disagree and agree. I am a divorcee, I left my ex in 2000,and divorce was final in 2003. Since then i became engaged. Then 3 more childern later(all together 4 ) my fiance' died suddenly. Since my divorce and the death of my fiance', I am scared to commit to a serious relationship..My heart has been broken twice in different reason's..So i guess you can say maybe some people are numb and think that it is no big deal to divorce or maybe looking so hard and wanting what they think is right then finding out it is all wrong...Like jumping in too quickly..Then maybe after failed relationships,they either find their soulmate or they settle for one reason or another...I hope i helped Good Luck..Thank you for taking time to read my answer....

Answer 8

Someone who's marriage ends in divorce usually had problems knowing what marriage is all about and how to maintain the relationship in a healthy and committed way. This does not go away with subsequent marriages, and so these are more likely to end in divorce as well.

Answer 9

There are basically two types of people in marriage. Group one people refuse to see divorce as an option, or are very commited to working out their problems. Group Two people see divorce as a good option when they're unhappy or refuse to address problems in a relationship. Since a higher percentage of first time divorcees are going to be group two people, it makes sense that they're the same people who get divorced again. If you're willing to see divorce as an option once, why not two or three times?

Answer 10

It's a mental thing. "I did it before, I can do it again, I don't NEED anyone"
This is a brewed and very strong feeling. Having made it out of one marriage, they don't see the same value to marriage they once did. The first marriage, people give their best to work out. They feel it should be the end-all. But if it ends, they think differently the next time around.