A marriage isn't about not having sex with other people -- monogamy is regularly engaging in sex with one person. What your man is really telling you is that he will not feel loved if you are intimate only once/month. If your sex drive goes down, then you'll have to work on making it go back up -- and if not, then you'll need to be loving, affectionate and sexual with him anyway. Don't worry about it now though...
How would you feel if your husband was asking this question: "My wife says that if I only talk to her once a month, that she'll leave me. Isn't she being demanding? I mean, sometimes i just don't FEEL LIKE talking to her." You'd be pretty hurt, I'm sure. Or he could say he doesn't feel like being nice, etc, etc, etc. Marriage is about committing to one another and committing to doing the things that makes you a good spouse yourself.
I highly recommend The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands by Dr. Laura Schlessinger. Your opinions of her aside, she has something in that book that can help wives be happier by making their husbands happier. And peace and warmth and love will exude from your marriage.
And PS -- I think your husband is giving you a clear piece of information of what he loves from you. Be thrilled that he wants you and make sure he doesn't go to any other woman to get his love!
2007-07-27 07:28:36
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answer #1
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answered by mj 3
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I don't think this was a hypothetical conversation after all... Your husband expressed a certain amount of frustration about your sex life.
However I will point out that you wrote "give him sex". This is really revealing of how you and him feel about your sexual relation. I'm afraid there's a little bit of power involved here, as to hold back or give sex.
The right approach should be "make love with each other".
You both need to see where something went wrong, and change it immediately, so neither of you thinks that you are giving and he is getting.
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Aaah - very different. You do make love several times a week, and basically, your husband sort of pressured you that he'll leave if your sex drive goes down.
If I were you, since you seem to have a solid relation, I would answer him the same thing "Well - then if you don't make love to me at least twice a onths, I'll be the one leaving" and laugh. This should stay a hypothetical joke.
2007-07-27 06:31:45
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answer #2
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answered by yogi 4
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This is the problem with most marriages. Men never expect women to change, women always expect men to change. However, in reality, women always change and men never change.
So, in this case, he is expecting that whatever level of sex you had before the marriage and in the early years of marriage will continue at that level. If it does not, he feels you have violated the marital contract and he will end the marriage. While this is a hard line to take, I don't really see a fault in the logic behind it. It is more sensative due to the specific item being talked about, which is sex. Suppose it was drinking. Suppose before the marriage you only drank occassionally, never getting drunk. Then after the marriage you started drinking to drunkenness every day. I think your husband would be perfectly justified to divorce you. You violated the conditions under which he chose to marry you. BTW, the same rules apply to weigh and general appearance, and most all other aspects of personal relationship.
2007-07-27 06:32:31
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answer #3
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answered by javelin 5
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1) I don't think "demanding" anything is a good idea.
2) How old are the two of you? In your 20s or 30s, then once a month seems not very often...
3) No one "gives" sex. They share it. Are you just not very sexual? Are you really busy and tired all the time?
4) What was it like before you got married?
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2007-07-27 06:28:16
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answer #4
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answered by aspicco 7
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Why would you not want to have sex with your husband more than once a month? He's your hubby, show him some love.
How serious was he? it was a hypothetical question, so maybe he hypothetically answered with that.
but seriously, Sex shouldnt be everything to a mrrige. If he's placing that much emphasis on sex and the fututre of your relationship, there's something not right.
2007-07-27 06:24:58
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answer #5
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answered by Sean C 5
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i agree with what grizz said:
I think he considers sex an integral part of a marriage between two healthy people.
and so do i... if there were circumstances such as health problems or after you have a baby, that would be different. but for a lot of people that's what keep you feeling 'close', and in more ways than one. i however you shouldnt feel like you GIVE him sex. maybe it didnt come out exactly how he meant it... he is a guy so you have to give him a little leeway
2007-07-27 06:32:14
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answer #6
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answered by Jennifer W 3
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Maybe he was flattering you and letting you know he still finds you very attractive.
Sex is a natural way of expressing your love with your spouse. Once a month is not average. (link below)
If once a month is your idea of adequate, I suggest you talk to your GYN about it. Most men would would consider that alienation of affection. I think he is just trying to convey a message that he wants to have sex more often than once a month.
2007-07-27 06:33:55
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answer #7
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answered by TNguy 6
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In marriage you have to balance many things including sex.
If there is too much of one and not enough of another it will cause problems. Having sex more than once a month doesn't sound unreasonable. I believe anyone who would take offense by such minor request has much bigger problems in their marriage.
2007-07-27 06:40:46
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answer #8
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answered by snack_daddy10 6
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Was he serious? Well I feel like people who throw around the "D" word in marriage are suspect of not being fully committed. You need to have a talk with him. He shouldn't base your relationship on how much sex he gets from you.
2007-07-27 06:30:17
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answer #9
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answered by beanie_babymama 5
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Once a month is normal for me. Is it enough? No, it could be every other day and since there is no emotion, passion, desire, or excitement in it, it would still not be enough. For me, the quality is more important then the quantity. That and having a partner that cares how I feel, which mine doesn't.
2007-07-27 06:29:22
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answer #10
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answered by s1lvermidnight 3
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