Me & my b/f have been dating for about 5 months now. We moved things a little fast. We're living together now and planned to get married next April. Well, HE gave me his yahoo password. I ended up going through some of his messages. Which, I know I shouldn't have been so noisy, but I had to see. Anyways, I ended up finding pictures of naked girls and messages he had sent just weeks ago. I questioned him about it and he said he was just chatting and nothing was going on. I do trust that he hasn't physically cheated b/c we're always together except when we're at work. I told him this was cheating and he says it isn't since he never met these people. I really love him, but I no longer have any trust in him.... Is this cheating? Any advice. Thanks! (I know we're not married, but we were living as a married couple).
2007-07-27 05:35:03 · 53 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
well if he is commited to you...then why would he want to look at other girls like that...i think that's wrong...he shouldn't even want to do that if you guys are happy together...id be a lil mad if i was you!!!
2007-07-27 05:39:24 · answer #1 · answered by MiZz SaAk 6 · 2⤊ 2⤋
What is the difference what you call it? You and him can argue about the definition of cheating til you're blue in the face, and it's not going to accomplish anything. Instead, ask yourself - is it acceptable to you to have your significant other chat with other women online and have them send him naked pictures? It's a yes or no question. If it is not acceptable, don't debate the definition of a word - simply be honest and tell him that you don't feel this is appropriate behavior, no matter what you call it. Ask him if he feels it is appropriate to do these things when you're in a relationship. If he feels there's nothing wrong with it, then inquire if it's ok for you to chat with guys and send them your naked pics - what's good for the goose is good for the gander. Who knows, maybe he feels it would be totally alright for you to do that. In this case, before you get married, you'd need to come with a set of rules that both of you can agree on; if your ideas are very different, it will make your relationship and marriage difficult. Just because something is not "cheating" doesn't make it appropriate, and vice versa. Talk to him and explain how you feel about these things.
2007-07-27 05:57:44 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
HI! I think what he is guilty of is mainly about the same thing as if he bought Playboy, Hustler, etc. With the exception of the messaging.
I don't think I'd have a problem with the nude pictures, but I would question the messages. Cheating, to me, is going out with & having sex with someone other than the person you are in a relationship with. What I think he is guilty of is liking soft porn. And, since he was making no effort to hide it by giving you his password, I might cut him some slack there.
However, I can see that you would feel bad about his wanting to sort of "philander" online. Just his wanting to converse with naked women other than yourself is grounds for you to wonder what else he might be up to that you DON'T know about. We are, after all, a suspicious lot, us humans, or you wouldn't have looked in his Yahoo to begin with. Remember the old saying, "curiosity killed the cat"?
I would ask him how he would feel if the shoe was on the other foot, and it was you who were doing all this stuff. I would also stress to him that it hurts you, whether he thinks it's not a bad thing or not. If he truly cares about you, he should be able to understand your concerns. See what his answer is to that.
We all have to have a certain amount of trust in our relationships, otherwise, none of us would ever stay together. It's a very hard thing to do...trust someone implicitly...but until you have real reason to think he may have a problem, I might give him a chance to explain to you. If he continues to do the thing that hurts you, then I would re-evaluate your relationship, and decide if it's the way you want to live.
Good luck! I hope you resolve your dilemma.
2007-07-27 05:55:11 · answer #3 · answered by Barbi T 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It's cheating as long as he does, says, or writes something he wants to hide from you. If he's so comfortable with it and it's no big deal, why don't you two chat and send messages to these girls together? If not, there's your answer.
In my opinion, "emotional" cheating can be a lot more damaging then physical cheating. In the physical sense, men especially can separate physical sex and love. But...thoughts, fantasies, and desires are always present for all of us. You know how it is....a sure way to gain weight is to think you can't have something. I'm sure every drug, alcohol and gambling addict started out innocently enough...no one "plans" to have things escalate into a bigger problem. But it happens.
The bottom line is that if it's a problem for you, then it should be for him...he should care how you feel and not shrug it off. You two also need to find a way to re-build your trust, because without that in your relationship, you have nothing...except possibly a long road ahead.
2007-07-27 05:53:49 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
It is noy physically cheating but it is in a way. He is cheating with his imagination and fantasies. If he thinks that it is alright to send nudes and talk to these girls then what is going to happen after you are married? Do you want to think he is going to cheat on you all the time? Or that he is sending emails to other girls all the time?
Talk to him. Don't be accuzing and don't make him feel like he has to defend him self. Just tell him how hurt you are by it and ask him to stop. If he still feels like there is nothing wrong with it, then honestly he is not the guy for you. Time to decide if you want to constantly doubt or find someone that has respect for you and your feelings.
Good Luck
2007-07-27 05:41:33 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Yes, of course this is cheating. He says it isn't, because he wants to keep doing it. You should move out. Good thing you found out what is going on before you make the mistake of marrying this lying cheating guy. This kind of cheating is going on all over the world right now and ruining, marriages and relationships. Cyber sex is wrong, no matter what he says. For more information go on line to 'On line infidelity.'
2007-07-27 06:24:53 · answer #6 · answered by Sweet Suzy 777! 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think this is cheating, exactly. But, if this is what he is doing now, imagine what it will lead to once the two of you are together for a while. If you do not trust him, I think there is something in your gut telling you that he isn't the guy for you. I would examine the relationship, and what you need from the relationship and go from there. Don't be afraid to be on your own. A good guy could be right around the corner.
2007-07-27 05:40:40 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
If you feel betrayed then it's emotional cheating... I was dating a guy, and it was just "Harmless Online Flirting" as he put it... Once things went rocky in our relationship, those online flirts became the women he cheated on me with....it's almost like backups in case you and him dont work out, he doesn't want to loose those....Here's what helped me... I asked my bf at the time "On a scale of 1 - 10 how important is it to you to talk to these women" Trust me he'll answer really low not to piss you off.... Then tell him it rates a 10 on importantce that he NOT chat with these women...My husband and I use the 1-10 scale all the time...it really works for us....but as I said before..online relationships are cheating if you feel betrayed.
Good luck hun.... I ended up leaving my online-cheater.....thankfully I found one who understands me, and we're now happily married! :)
2007-07-27 05:43:30 · answer #8 · answered by Frznoooo_Sam 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you think that is cheating and he doesn't, then you should reconsider marriaging him. It isnt' that he is some evil guy, but he has different moral system than you do. So if he doesn't think his online activity is bad, what else does he disagree with you on.
Maybe he doesn't think having an online relationship with someone is okay as long as you don't ever met them, do you think that's okay?
Maybe he thinks it's cool to take a female coworker out for lunch as long as they aren't kissing/having sex. Is that okay?
I didn't talk to my current hubby about his def. of cheating before we got married, and now I am finding that things like this are perfectly fine with him and definitely not okay with me.
Live and learn I guess. Good luck!
2007-07-27 05:53:07 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I consider it cheating. Married or not married he's chatting and viewing naked pictures of other women. It's not like he's watching porn simply for physical gratification he's actually having conversations with these women. It doesn't matter if he's ever met them or not. If he came home to find you curled up on the couch having phone sex with some stranger I would assume he would consider that cheating even though you've "never met"
2007-07-27 05:46:39 · answer #10 · answered by Brittany 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Cheating doesn't just have to involve something physical. If he was having emotional conversations with another then that is cheating in my opinion. He obviously didn't try to hide it since he gave you his password to get on his account. Ask him if he would consider it cheating if you had naked pictures of guys and had messages from them?
2007-07-27 05:41:44 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋