What kind of advice to give my sister in law about her marriage?

Question

My sister in law is a year younger than me. She and her now husband had TONS of very serious issues in their relatonship before they got married. Everyone in my husband's family tried to talk her out of marrying him but she went through with it anyways. They have now been married 2 years and they have taken their rings off. They have discussed divorce many times. Although he wants to make it work, She sounds like she's 1 step from filing for divorce. She asked me last night if she can stay the night tonight to get away from her husband. I agreed because it's very obvious that she needs space to think. What do I tell her? I know it will come up since she is very open about their issues and really confides in me. I think that a couple should work on it no matter what and that the only excuse for divorce is infidelity or abuse. They were going to counseling but he stopped contributing to the sessions so they stopped going. What advice can I give her? I dont want to advise her to leave him

Also wanted to add that they have both read "his needs her needs" and other books.

And to Colleen - Read the question sweetheart! I said that SHE comes to ME for advice. I am in no way pushing my nose in. But when someone comes to you crying about their marriage you don’t say NOTHING. They need some kind of support. So if you can't read the entire question without coming up with a lame answer then don't bother answering!

Answer 1

Really sounds like he has lost interest in the marriage considering he has stopped trying to make things work.They both really need to sit down and talk about how they both feel about their marriage and if there is even a point of them trying to make it work.If his heart isn't in it then there is no point in trying to make it workd as your sister in law is only going to get hurt even more in the long run.They have to be totally honest with eachother.Maybe all there issues that they had before they got married was a sign they wasn't ready for marriage

Answer 2

They have only been married 2 years and already all of these problems? Think they really can make it for the next 60 years or so?

This sounds like a toxic relationship that should never have happened in the first place. Be there to listen but I don't think it is fair of you to try to push your ideas about divorce on her since it doesn't sound like she has a problem with the concept

. Life is too short to be miserable. Additionally, if he has stopped contributing to counseling then he is, in a way, emotionally abusive.

Answer 3

Well I would say that since he is the one more for making it work, I would tell her to ask him why did he not continue on with the counseling. Also are you certain no one has had an affair? That can make a person act very mean to the other spouse ie: being irritable, seeming like they are a different person. Ask her does she really want this, deep down in her heart would she feel unhappy without him. Tell her to think of all the good times they've had and see if that outways the bad. Also, I might even suggest to her to take a week away from him, don't let him know, and have no contact with him. Then let her see if she misses him. I hope this helps.

Answer 4

I think they should try counseling first. Sometimes people just were never meant to get married and it isnt right to say that they should only get divorced unless someone was unfaithful. There are probably two more people out there waiting for the love of their life and they could be it. They may have prematurely gotten married or they may just be going through a rough spot. Your sister n law needs to talk to her husband because only they know what is right for them.

Answer 5

u mean her husband stopped going for counselling?maybe ur sister in law should really have a good talk with her husband,maybe he felt it is no point for counselling as the marriage has gone to an end,or maybe he feels there's a problem between both of them,which no one can helps,file for divorce is abit too serious,maybe they can separate themselves for a moment to think of a gd solution,it's the best way to know if there's still a need for each other presence

Answer 6

Encourage her to go back to counseling even though her hubby will not. She may want to select a different counselor. And tell her what you told us about the only reason for divorce you believe is abuse and infidelity. I would add alcohol and drugs also because of my own experience. Try not to advise her, but just listen to her concerns and comfort her.

Answer 7

I think the most important step you can take at this point is to tell her you will be there for her no matter what, and then do just that. Listen to her concerns, be her shoulder to cry on, validate her feelings. I would not push her either way, unless it is an abusive relationship. She know in her heart what she needs to do.

Answer 8

At this point, it seems there isn't much hope for that marriage. Sounds as if the "issues" came along for the ride when they married and probably grew. Just be there for support for her. Tell her whatever she decides, since you don't want to condone divorce, you will be there for her.

Answer 9

Really, it doesn't matter what you tell her. If she is thinking about divorce and taking time away from him to think, she has already made her decision. She wants out and is just looking for someone to give her the support that she thinks she needs to do it.
Try to be her pal but remember that if she and your brother in law split you don't want to be in the middle.
Stay out of it.

Answer 10

Let her make her own decision about her marriage. She knows if divorce will be the right thing for her. Be there to support her no matter what she decides to do.