Conservatives and Liberals explain the evolution of man. I'm going to get so many negative ratings for this.

Question

Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter.

The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:

1. Liberals

2. Conservatives.

Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed.

Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at night
while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known
as the Conservative movement.

Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live
off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing
the sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the
Liberal movement.

Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became
known as girliemen.

Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats,
the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept of
Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that
conservatives provided.

Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most
powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by
the jackass.

Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer
white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their
beef welldone. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare.

Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have
higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal
injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group
therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule
because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher also bat.

Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still provide
for their women. Conservatives are engineers, IT persons, big-game
hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen,
medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, athletes,
Marines and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who
own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.

Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers
and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans
are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals
remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America. They crept
in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get
more for nothing.

Here ends today's lesson in world history. It should be noted that a
Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the above before
forwarding it. A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of
the absolute truth of this history that it will be forwarded immediately
to other true believers and to more liberals just to tick them off.

I am employed George D., and I love my tax bracket.

Given2fly- I will say again I love the tax bracket I'm in, and I would probably provide more to the economy than you except that I'm in the Middle East where it's tax free :).

Answer 1

You are absolutely right about liberal women having more testosterone than the men. Look at Hillary Clinton, Janet Reno, Rosie O'Donnell, Liza Minelli, and Barbara "The Beak" Streisand. These women are far more masculine than any of the male hairdressers on the liberal side of the Congress will ever be!

It also explains why there are almost no good-looking, pleasant women in the Democrat party. They have to be the hunter-gatherers and are not happy about it.

IMO, when God made Red Hook, He made a perfect world!

Mmmmmmm. . . Beer. . . .

Answer 2

Platoofa, I think your answer is outstanding. That is the way I see most of the neocons, especially the ones running the country right now! Not just the ones in the limelight, but even more so, the ones who are really running things behind the scenes. These people make 1984 look like Disneyland, and they are working hard at dumbing us down and eliminating any resistance to their taking over the whole world. These are scary, dangerous , and evil people, and they want to enslave us all.

Answer 3

Thank you , as I have been saying all along I am a conservative . The girly man is part of the , insurance industry and stockbrokers , investment mangers and sales people of all kinds who produce little of value and are dragging this nation of hard working Americans down with them .
When taxes go to support those who are to weak to fend for themselves it only allows the weak to reproduce and pass along weak values and ethics .

A strong conservative man goes out and gets what he wants with hard work and occasionally has women he keeps in condos who he provides cash , jewels ,cars and security to as long as she is willing to provide him with service the alpha male requires . We have a higher sex drive to continue the species then girly men . We take care of our own families and the woman we love and marry even though we may need to fulfill some of our sexual needs with other women .
Girly men who have money and prey on the weak often bring down the conservative males image by engaging in homosexual relations .
Seems every single homosexual conservative was really a girlyman pretending to be a conservative .
Example
Foley was born in Newton, Massachusetts, where his father, Edward, was a police officer. His godfather is retired Boston Red Sox player Jimmy Piersall, a friend of the elder Foleys.[6] When he was three years old, his family moved to Lake Worth, Florida. Foley was a 1973 graduate of Lake Worth High School and later attended Palm Beach Junior College. Foley has four siblings.[7]

At age 20, Foley started a family restaurant in downtown Lake Worth, The Lettuce Patch, with his mother. He later became a real estate broker.[8] He has served as chairman of Gulfstream Goodwill Industries and Palm Beach Regional Hospital. Foley also is a past president of the Central County Council of Realtors and the Lake Worth Chamber of Commerce.
He never ever did anything of value but rather preyed on peoples hunger and gave them lettuce instead of real meat . Charity begins at home and anyone who associates themselves with God and structured salvation is a loon .

Answer 4

Wow... this is funny... utterly ignorant, and highly offensive, but funny.

I'm a liberal, and I can take a joke. Unfortunately, I'm not the liberal type that waits for hand-outs or crashes the bbq, I'm the type that beats you to the game, puts up fences, and requires you to pay me for the right to hunt while I give free food to those that can't hunt. You say it's not fair, I say tough luck, now pay me!

Answer 5

Conservatives are IT persons? LOL, you might wanna rethink that false statement. The hundreds of IT people I've met are either libertarian, independent or liberal, not ONE conservative.

Try going to an IT oriented social networking/news/reviews site. You won't find many conservatives there.

~Sucks2BeU~: Really? What a coincidence, because I worked at Honeywell for five years and don't seem to recall there being ANY conservative IT people. Small world, eh?

Answer 6

Columbus actually stopped where he did in America because they were out of beer, and needed to come ashore to make more.

Answer 7

lil me - I know of plenty of Conservative IT personnel at Honeywell. We get a kick out of the liberal "IT" persons.

ASKER: You're right...the hate will pour in like a hurricane's rain!


***Some don't realize that YOU didn't think this up! They should know that it's been circling the Internet for years!


***lil me - Not that I doubt you but what location were you at and what made you leave...I'm considering leaving as well.

Answer 8

Thank God for beer.
I love this joke-
signed - a Conservative

Answer 9

Great explanation. Wow.

Answer 10

Your explanation is on point. Most liberals (some I like, most on Y!A are ignorant) are more comfortable with just taking rather than working for themselves.