When I get married I don't want to change my name?

Question

My fiance and I talked about it and he seems to think it's an insult if I don't take his name. I just don't see why women should have to go through the hassle of changing their names. It's not fair and to me or any other woman. It's quite simply anti-feminist. I don't know what to do with him!

It's not like I would agree to have children, so that's not an issue when it comes to different names.

I just feel like my last name is my family. His last name is his family. We're partners in life, not family members, why do I need to take his name? It's such an out dated patriarchal tradition stemming from the idea of owning females. He just doesn't get how unfair it is even these days when it's more of a hassle than an ownership thing!! How can I convince him that not taking his name is not an insult to his family, but merely respect for my own?

Koala - don't worry, I'd be more than willing to run to the curb if my fiance had an attitude like you. He's a real man. He's just following the social expectations without knowing why they are there. This needs to change and 'men' like you, need to die out.

Hyphenating is fine, if only I could convince him to do the same!

Answer 1

When my wife and I were planning to get married, she said that she was going to either keep her name or hyphenate both. I told her that my wife was going to be Mrs Myname, not Ms Hername or Mrs Hername-Myname. If keeping her name was that important to her, I would respect that. The simple solution for her keeping her name was to stay as Miss Hername.

In my opinion, if she did not want to take my name, she was not the woman that I was going to marry! You fiance feels the same way I do. If you do not take his name, he will feel insulted every time you get mail or a phone call!

You are not going to convince him that it is not an insult. He considers it to be one, as would I. Your refusal to take his name says that you are not committed to the marriage! It may be a bit of a hassle, but it should be a one time thing! By not taking his name, you are saying that you are not changing anything in your life. If you feel that strongly about it, you should not get married!

Answer 2

Some people just don't understand the legal side of a
situation, and to me this is the dumbest thing....
The Drivers License Bureau, have EXPECTATIONS, that
you should change your name to HIS.
The Social Security Department has EXPECTATIONS, that
you should change your last name to his.
The Preacher / Minister, had EXPECTATIONS, that you
are willing to ''take that name'' when you make a promise
to God, the minister, and mankind, that you would do so...!!!
I think you Really Are Trying to Insult His Family, and your
own too, by not taking the Name, UNDER WHICH YOU GET WHEN YOU MARRY.
If you married & your husband died today, what kind of proof do you have
that you ''used his name'' so you could get a ''widow's pension" and all that stuff, such as business that takes place
when those things happen.
Are you planning to file separate Tax Returns Too, or doesn't
he have a Right to Claim You as "his dependent?"
Where is your brains, or are you just there...for appearance,
and sex reasons?
If you would have children, which ''last name'' would You
allow them to have....Yours or His? Since that is so
important to you?
Ya better go back and read those Marriage Vows you will be taking.
People marry , to take a Different Name, which is the proper
way of Society....and the Proper Act in Marriage, thru the
Vows...which you will be taking, words from a Bible....and now you want to contradict the common Marriage Vows...

This is unbelievable...but you're not alone...I have a sister,
who denies her husband's last name...but I think this is so
disrespectful...too...but she thinks she's ''better than Art Thou"
'''Goodie Too Shoes".
You don't put your pants on any different than anyone else...
one leg at a time.....
and now you want to start a different tradition, and deny
"what God hath joined together".
Hopefully, the cobwebs will clear out of your head soon, and
you can straighten out the disagreements going on now...
and hopefully, have a good married life,, soon.
Sheeeeeeeees, well Too Funny doesn't live her life like that.
And isn't going to, for she has respect, or will have, when she
takes a vow...to that effect.

Answer 3

Don't change your name to his. It is an insult to you. If it is a true union (if that what it is about) come up with a new name -- a mix of both -- if you are Smith and Thomson -- Thomsmith.

the whole name thing is absurd. Marriage is not about the name. don't you think?

Answer 4

Consider this: Your last name came from your father, not your mother, so you are already involved in a 'patriarchal' issue. All of the names of the women from your lineage have been obliterated. At one time, when I was younger, I used to have some of the same feelings as you. But, I realized it's really a non-issue. It really will be much simpler to take his name, causes less confusion all-around.

Answer 5

as quickly as you get an authorized reproduction of your marriage certificates (you change your license in once you're married to the Registrar), then you certainly pass to the Social secure practices place of work first then the DMV. on the comparable time you're taking your certificates (which includes your husband) to PSD and get his energetic accountability internet site 2 replaced to mirror the reality which you have gotten married. then you certainly pass to the identity detachment and get your identity made there. as quickly as you get your armed forces identity (and the internet site 2) taken care of, you touch your interior reach armed forces scientific care facility which will have documents on a thank you to touch DEERS, and get THAT as much as date. once you have your SS card replaced (which takes approximately 10 days) and a secondary image identity (armed forces identity or drivers license), you get each and every thing else replaced (i.e., economic business enterprise bills, credit playing cards, loans, and so on). simply by fact which you're a armed forces based, you have a precise to apply the economic information centers of your interior reach base (branch would not remember). they might help you to confirm you have replaced each and every thing you will desire to alter and the thank you to pass approximately it. BTW, that's not mandatory to have your married call...you may carry your maiden call in case you had to.

Answer 6

That's great you want to keep your family's name & honor it enough to keep it continuing on. It's important to you so perhaps he'll come to realize it's just a choice and an expression of pride in your family name and roots. Sometimes a persons first reaction is different than when they have time to think about it.. I hope as the idea marinates in his brain that he can be more accepting of your feelings about this.

Many husbands are secure enough in their wifes love for them, their masculinity, and self-worth that they're accepting of this choice and I hope he can come to understand. If this is what you want, I really don't see why it should be a problem. Good luck and many blessings in your upcoming marriage!

Answer 7

You don't want to change your name...so don't.
I didn't change my name with my second marriage. I wanted to have the same last name as my minor child (from first marriage) so as to not confuse people as to who was her mother.
But changing one's name gets tiring, yes...I see no reason for the practice to continue, other than it clarifies to people who is married to whom.
Ask your husband to take your last name. If he says no, then say, should I be insulted?
That koala guy is retarted. Men as 'head of household'...hahaha, my gawd, aren't all the neandrathals dead yet?

Answer 8

You're not ready for marriage. When a man and woman marry, they establish their own family, which is why you take his name. For you to think you can convince this man otherwise is ridiculous. And what do you mean by, "you don't know what to do with him?" He's not your pet. You have control issues and you'll make this man's life miserable. If he's smart, he won't marry a selfish girl like you!

Answer 9

Your absolutely right! if you like to conserve your family name he should let you.. this should be a choice of yours, your the one who has to change your name, the name you was given at birth...this remind me of poor Kunta-Kinte back in the slave days when they wish they could keep a little something that reminds them of the family they were obligated to leave behind and they could not..is sad,I think you should continue to insist if you want to preserve your family name he should let you.. the kids can carry his name and yours too.. In Puerto Rico where I was born the kids are born with their father's last name followed by the mother's maiden name no one has to change their names in Puerto Rico, when the women get married they keep their last name followed by their new husband's name that is how it should be.. That is what you can do keep your maiden's name followed by your husband.. that should be good enough for him.. good luck.

Answer 10

U are about to marry, why have to argue sth that is not a really big deal... i don't care whether i have to change my name into my husband's family's name, he doesnt care either ... when u on ur married life later, there will be plenty of big issues that both of u have to deal with, so why u both should argue about name thing?

marriage is not about "who is right-who is wrong, who has the right-who has no right who has to change-who has not to change, my principal-ur principal"

it's more about understanding each other and respect each other, it is about 2 become 1..

there is nothing wrong to be a "loser" in order to be a winner
(who knows when u agree to change ur name, then he realize that he not suppose to force u and even offer u not to chnage ur name)