Miserable Mother?

Question

For going on four years now after my parents divorce my mom has been depressed, without hope of healing.

She refuses counciling, support groups, and antidepressants.

She has a habit of living in her own little world exactly as she wants it to be and a bit ignorant of the truth. She has a tendency to get depressed and go on and on about how her 'bleeding heart' is being 'dragged along the ground' and such.

She also has a tendency to hold onto that sorrow (take note for FOUR YEARS). I mentioned one thing about my father and she was miserable, and ranting and complaining all mothers day no matter what i did.

She's also discouraging me from love becuase she's so absoulutely sure that all i'll ever get out of it is heartbreak. Qoute: "Dont ever get married, youll only get heartbreak."

I'm fourteen years old and i've been forced to grow up enough as it is. Is there anything i can tell her or do for her? Or should i just sit back and keep listening to her 'bleeding heart'?

Answer 1

You need to find another trusted adult to intervene. It's mentally unhealthy for your mother to carry grief for this long. It is not healthy for you either. Your mother is supposed to be the adult, supporting and guiding YOU. You shouldn't be taking care of her or walking on eggshells so you don't upset her. Please find someone who can talk to your mom and get her some help. More importantly, how are you? Is there someone there for you? Does anyone know how bad the situation is for you at home? Please talk to your dad or someone you trust and let them know how hard this is on you. Good luck.

Answer 2

Just be there for her
but don't just sit back and listen to her when she starts talking about brokenhearts or anything along those lines.

Just because your mum's marriage failed (sorry) that doesn't mean that yours would. You probably will get heartbroken some time in your life, but you learn to heal yourself.
Don't let your mum tell you not to love, because loving someone gives you a natural high.

Putting your heart out on the line is a risk, but being loved and loving someone else is a good feeling to have.

Answer 3

I am very sorry for you; you are more mature than your mother. Although most women hurt after a divorce, for the sake of their children, they pull themselves together and try to make a good life for their children. Your mother isn't doing this for whatever reason, maybe she can't but most likely, she is drowning in self-pity and playing the victim. You need to separate yourself from her emotionally and tell her that you won't listen to this anymore. You (and she too) both deserve happiness; if she won't go after it and put the past where it , then you will have to do it alone. It's sad that she is alienating the one person in her life that would bring her happiness.... YOU! Maybe you can show her the answers you get on YAHOO??!!

Answer 4

Have you tried talking to your mom how it affects you?

maybe when she realizes that, she will eventually move on (coz' I do believe that moms wants their children to be happy.). You can also tell her that even though your dad left, she still have you and you will never leave her no matter what.

Be extra nice and thoughtful to your mom, be patient... Help her to forget what happened. It really takes time to heal a broken heart. And lastly, not because your parent's marriage did not work out means that it will also happen to you. That's definitely not true. I disagree to what your mom has told you.

When you love, you are also prone to get hurt. But it doesn't mean that we should refrain from loving just because we dont want to get hurt. It's inevitable.

Answer 5

Well as silly as it sounds, even when women are annoyed and mad at their husbands behavior, when that relationship finally ends the same woman who was mad at him still can grieve and be frustrated and sad over him leaving. Sometimes people think divorce will solve all of their problems and then they realize later they should have worked harder and they miss the parts of their ex that brought them together in the first place. Your mom had a relationship with your dad and there are private parts of it you did not see.
It is hard for you at 14 to understand what it now must feel like for your mom to be single again. She has lost the person that she used to have to help and support her. She is also older with children so she has to think of you -
meeting new people who she can bring into your life is a challenge, she may feel lonely and unloveable -like her best years are gone-
I know you hate to see her hurting and you are frustrated about not being able to fix things for her.
A few gentle suggestions. Write your mom a cheer up card or make one if you are broke. In it put something about how you know life has changes for her but your love and respect hasn't.
When she complains about marriage, say firmly Mom, I am sorry that you are hurting over this. How about we go for a walk and get some fresh air and think about what is good in our lives.
Make a top ten things I am thankful for list for her and tape it to the mirror....Like this Mom you should be thankful for
you are the best waffle maker
you always know how to make me feel better when I am scared
Grateful people become happy.
Buy or make her a journal and and ask her to put her thoughts about the divorce there and tell her she is causing you pain because you hate to see her unhappy.
Print out some pages off the internet on divorce recovery. Tuck them in her purse with an "I love you but please read this"
Ask her best friend for help.
And finally don't forget to smile at the cute boy in your french class because her grown up problems should not spoil the fun of being young and looking forward to love.

Answer 6

Ask Mom to watch to the news and see that bad things are happening to beautiful people everyday.Tell her she is not alone in difficulty's but we all must face the pain as well as the strength to go on.

If she is having money struggles, get a job and help. Try to help ease the other burdens in her life so she can use her strength and insight to focus on moving on.

Answer 7

She is hurt. Many people get angry after being hurt and then they get over it. There is a cycle that takes place during healing and your mother seems to be stuck. Be careful because if she goes into the angry phase it may be just as bad as the depressed phase.

Answer 8

Depression is serious. Depressed people are known to commit suicide. You need to talk to an adult relative to get her to go for treatment. As for you, no, you don't have to listen to her. Tell her she's repeating herself and live your life, don't stick to her too much.

Answer 9

i'm glad u see ur mother is in depression.

is it possible for you to get a counsellor or psychitrist to come to your home, in the pretex of being ur friend? and maybe chat with ur mom... so she doesn't know she in counselling?

marriage is beautiful... and i hope ur mother's constant "heartbreak" doesn't cloud ur heart to true love.

Answer 10

yes kuma there is...scream as loud as you can (to get her attention...and it will) and then shout as loud as you can "FOR GODS SAKE MOTHER DON'T KEEP PLAYING THE SAME RECORD I AM SICK OF HEARING IT NOW". tell her everytime she starts with the same old crap that you will walk out of the house AND ONE DAY YOU WILL NOT COME BACK....she is weak and feeling sorry for herself so you must be strong...she will go on and on and on if you let her so stop her by walking out then she has no one to moan to..good luck