am I too judgemental of potential mates?

Question

I am a Christian, and I would like to find a nice Christian girl to settle down with.

I asked a question about an appropriate way to find out if a girl saves herself for marriage.

I recieved several answers that say i am judgemental. I do not feel this is accurate. I can be friends with everybody, but I see potential marriage candidates would have to have the same values as mine ( i am waiting for marriage).

People say God doesn't judge, so I have no reason to. Wouldn't i be more dishonest pretending it didn't affect my feelings? I don't want to hurt anybody. But i mean, we marry people we are totally at peace with, right?

To me the subject is a big red flag. I don't think i am being judgemental, so much as it being a fact that i know this person doesn't share my values.

What do you think?

Answer 1

I don't think that you are being too judgemental at all!!! you know what qualities YOU want in YOUR wife, and that is a good thing to look for! if you settle for just anyone because you don't want to be "judgemental" you will not be totally happy and you won't be satisfied with that person that you end up with. I say continue to look for that special girl that has the same values as you! Good luck, and she IS out there!

Answer 2

I don't think it's too judgemental at all. You can't be shocked at the responses you're getting on here look at the questions. People wondering if they should have threesomes, people cheating on their spouses (is it ok? do I have to tell him/her?) Don't let these people get to you. These are your convictions. If you wanted to have kids wouldn't you want to find a woman who definitely wanted kids too, or because you are a christian don't you want a christian wife? Why is this any different? You need to make sure you find someone you are compatible with and you have to remember all of these people judging you probably had some standards too. They just don't like yours LOL

I am a christian homeschooling mom and I can say without a doubt that there are many other people like you out there. I have met so many men and women who saved themselves for marriage and found a partner who was as well. My dh and I do not fit into that category, I was the person who screwed up when I was younger. I'm thrilled he could look past my past and choose me but to be honest with you I hope my children grow up to be as careful as you are when looking for the right partner. I think those marriages where people are honest about what they need and expect, are the ones that last. Good luck to you! I'm sure you will find a woman who shares your values and feelings on this.

Answer 3

Marriage is a huge commitment, and if you are clear on what you want in a potential mate, it's OK to find out where this girl is coming from, in my opinion.

If others have said you are judgemental, I guess it's because they may feel you are using a different yardstick to measure others. (Perhaps you think it's OK for a man to be sexually experimented, but you don't feel it's OK for a woman to do the same thing...)

If you feel that this is a non-negotiable item in your list, then go ahead and look for someone who fulfills your idea of an ideal mate. I don't think you are "wrong" per se; I just think it's a personal thing and you should do whatever you feel comfortable with. (For example, I have my own set of "musts" and I will not get involved with someone who doesn't have these things....So I understand your point.)

Just make sure to be honest from the beginning. Nobody likes to be "led on" and then have the rules of the game changed! Good luck...

Answer 4

If you are so secure in your beliefs you wouldn't need to be asking this question now would you? Think about it....

If they are your beliefs why is it that is all you can ever ask about on Yahoo Answers, do you need constant reaffirming of your belief system from strangers? What does that say about you?

Your beliefs should be firm in conviction without having to post the same type of questions over and over. What are you searching for?

If you believe that, then believe it. Look and seek out those believe as you do, be upfront and honest. Don't think it's going to be an easy thing to find either, not in our present society. And stop being so insecure because that will turn offf any girl virgin or not.

Answer 5

When you talk about getting marry to a person, most important is both of you must have love within, you cannot assume or presume that you can get along with her, because you never know what is like living together, till then, you must have love, and with love, both of you then can settle issues in your daily life after marriage.

Love needs sacrification, both sides need to give up his/her view or change each character to pursue the LOVE which can bring joy for both of you.

Trust me, when you are in Love with someone, you will never judge him or her, by picking and choosing, you can never find true love, because no one is perfect, not even you.

God gives us the nature, let nature decide.

Answer 6

You marry someone to share your life with that person for good and bad. And not your values. Your values are yours only. Don't expect your partner to have the same and follow them by the book. Values are to be used as a guidance only and don't make them your rules and regulations to run your life. And face the reality. There are exceptions to values and rules. Life's like that.

Answer 7

Well this is very important to you and I think you should marry someone that believes the same..it is very hard to find someone that is saving themselfs because of the day and age of how we live. I think you are right but I who am I to tell you that?? I say if you feel like this, you should go with how you feel.

Answer 8

I respect your choices, even though I personally don't have to share your convictions.
You should visit Harmony.com
This website has a long application you can fill out on line, where you can specify all your preferences. It will eliminate the necessity of asking if the girl you like is a virgin.

Answer 9

yup, you're being tooooo judgmental, sorry. Virginity either by you or a prospective spouse is unimportant.... frankly, I'd have hoped my husband would have had a relationship or two before he ever got to me... He'd then know what a real commitment was, and he'd be a better sexual partner... Now, fidelity after marriage???????????????? oh, yes, you betta believe it. Betrayal is the dealbuster after marriage, or in a committed relationship. I don't believe in sharing.

Answer 10

I get what you.mean. Why not use your intuition and judge by her reputation, ie it's best to get introduced to women by family and close friends who know what you like.