My friend just split up with his wife, because he found out about her shady past after they were married. This was a classic bad girl pretending to be a good girl thing.
He loved her, but once he found out it ate him up.
Something similar also happened to me(I did not sleep with the girl, because of my beliefs, and we were'nt married), but i found out she had been promiscuous before she met me- that lifestyle disgusts me, and we split up after six months. this was a girl I met at the church.
I know half the people gonna say pasts don't matter, all I can say is you can have the people that sleep around, some of us just choose not to.
My question is, when is it appropriate to ask/ or a tactful way to find out before you get too into a relationship?
For you that think i am too judgemental- this is MY life. I look for a lifemate I can trust, and I feel sex is an addition as bad as any drug. Would you marry a drug addict?
2007-07-26 15:53:38 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Other - Society & Culture
Anytime you feel that a relationship might have the potential to be more than just dating, then you should ask so that you then have the knowledge to make the decision of either continuing it or ending it.
It is your life and ultimately your decision on who to have in it and in what way.
And for all of those who disagree with you and say the past is the past and doesn't matter: Well, the past paves the way for who we now are and who we will become, so it matters a heck of a lot, actually.
2007-07-26 15:59:50 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
People do change. Someone might have been wild during their single days, but completely committed to their marriage. To answer your question, it would be best to ask before you are intimate. There really isn't a best way to ask, so just be up front with how you feel about the subject and hopefully she will be truthful. Sex can be an addiction, true. However, it can also be a way of acting out after molestation or some other childhood abuse.
No, I would not want to marry a drug addict and I am very thankful that I didn't.
This is your life and who you choose as your wife should be honest with you. I wish you the best of luck and I hope you find the woman that will make you happy.
2007-07-26 23:02:21 · answer #2 · answered by ? 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Son, if you are looking for a cherry.....you may be fighting a losing battle. IF you find one, you will be extremely lucky. Many years ago, young ladies fiercely protected their reputations. Now days, they think their reputation is better determined by how many orgies she has attended and how many men she has "captured". So I say to you...good luck.
As far as asking the lady how many men she has been with, I would say that NEVER is the best answer. Your best bet is NOT to meet some girl and marry her withing a week or month. Date her, take her places, look watch and listen. Learn her past by the people around her and know her.
Your girl IS out there, but virginity is not the only thing you should look for. IF you date a woman long enough, you will become in "tune" with her. My recommendation is that the VERY MOST trait a woman should have is that YOU and HER are 100% compatible. You like what she likes, she likes what you like. Never forget.....COMPATIBILITY!!! Pops
2007-07-26 23:07:00 · answer #3 · answered by Pops 6 · 2⤊ 2⤋
I say never, people do change, could be that things happened when a person didn't have much knowledge about life and was experimenting. If you love a person and get married and life is good, don't let the past rob you of your happiness because of the past, let sleeping dogs lie.
2007-07-26 23:11:35 · answer #4 · answered by ? 4 · 1⤊ 2⤋
My god, what 'terrible' past did this poor girl have? What is your version of promiscuous. If she wasn't a hooker I don't see what the guys problem was. He sounds very harsh to me. To break wedding vows over it. Geez. You sound very judgemental too, like you have a superiority complex. If thats the way you wanna be- tell anygirl you are interested in right off the bat that you only want to date a virgin. I just hope you aren't a hypocrite and actually are a virgin too.
JENNI M your answer ROCKED. lol- thumbs up.
2007-07-26 23:18:23 · answer #5 · answered by Renesme 5 · 1⤊ 2⤋
you can have experience and not be an addict.
you might bring up the topic of past relationships, how many people have you dated. were you intimate?
perhaps you can even ask them about their definition of virginity. and begin to explore the topic from there.... just because a person hasnt engaged in intercourse does NOT mean they dont have an std.
2007-07-26 22:59:21 · answer #6 · answered by act_won 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Unless you are a VIRGIN the night of your wedding I'd say you're a hypocrite. If I ever get married I'm not even going to ask how many he's had. The past can stay in the past, but I'm all for std testing before gettting into a sexual relationship.
If he cheats..his azz is kicked out and divorced.
my 2 cents
You guys are such hypocrites..you want to bone women day and night w/o getting married, but when a woman says no SEX you dump her, if a woman has more sex partners than you, you get your poor little ego hurt.. face it it's the 2000s not the 1400s women are more like men than you think..we've boned and hell, we even lie b/c we know you guys just can't handle the truth. ..oh and ssize matters..anyone who tells you diff is a LIAR. GO AHEAD GIVE ME ALL THE THUMBS DOWN YOU WANT YOU POOR PATHETIC HYPOCRITES!!! lol
2007-07-26 22:58:51 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 5⤋
I would think the perfect time would be before a sexual encounter, to late to ask after the fact!
2007-07-26 22:57:38 · answer #8 · answered by helper 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
whats in the past is in the past. why go back to the past! u like them for who they are not what they were!!!. people can change, i did!!
2007-07-26 22:57:38 · answer #9 · answered by mommy 4 · 1⤊ 2⤋
NEVER, let sleeping dogs lye. Your only asking for problems!
2007-07-26 22:57:00 · answer #10 · answered by Christanti 3 · 1⤊ 3⤋