I wrote this because one of my teachers kept saying, “Intelligence will make you pure… blah blah” And I disagreed. I have a VERY smart friend, whose been all over the world (his parents have money and take him) and he’s the most rotten child I’ve EVER seen.
He’s seen the world entirely,
Been over the seven sees.
His mind, the map of the world.
Seen everything, missed nothing.
Made all his mistakes,
Made all of his repents.
Took every single lie,
And made up for them quickly.
Done so much to regret,
Yet he’s seen so much.
Intelligence you say is the key,
To living a good life?
I don’t understand…
No matter how much I contemplate.
He’s done everything, learned all…
Yet he deceives constantly.
2007-07-26 15:14:04 · 8 answers · asked by sky? 1 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
There is a big difference between experiences and intelligence, between knowledge and application. Perhaps as you get older and are exposed to a wider range of people who have learned the differences your own perceptions towards what intelligence means will change. In the meantime, your should not base assumptions on either one person you know (a rotten child) or on a teacher who does not know. Rotten children, no matter how well-traveled, do not represent any viable measurements of intelligence.
As to your poem, it's pretty damn good for a young person (you're around 15 or 16, right?). Your talents will grow as your exposure to life's many varieties grows. Don't quit writing.
2007-07-26 17:35:47 · answer #1 · answered by Doc Watson 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I liked it up 'til the last stanza. Then you seemed to lose it a bit... If you added an 'it' to "...learned all..." I think that would make it a bit better.
Plus with the ending you have, "Yet he deceives constantly." I would think I'd being reading more of something...? I'm not sure what, but the ending just kinda...ends... I mean it's not really there, ya know? Your not really there.
Also, I think you could've made this rhyme, too. Even though I'm not the biggest fan of rhyming, I was honestly looking for a rhyme or 2 on this 1. I feel this would've been brilliant that way. Plus the ending wouldn't be a problem.
Ya see, in free verse, endings are usually a bit harder to make right 'n to do well. But in rhymes it seems easier 'n can be done in more ways I feel. Yeah I mean ya still have to worry about the actually rhyme, but it seems like once ya get the rhyme you have nothing to worry about.
Luck.
2007-07-27 06:45:08 · answer #2 · answered by Twili 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry about your friend. He is just spoiled! He might have seen and done a lot because of the fortune he has been given, but absolutely because of that he has not really learned any of the real answers to life! He hasn't been able to grow on his own recognances (which we all need to suceed). Take his money away and he will either die or teach himself how to survive and what is truely important in life. I'm betting on the latter!
2007-07-26 16:57:02 · answer #3 · answered by Carol C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think all your teacher is really saying is "intelligence is what I value most in the world." It's funny how after writing that I want to go blah, blah, too.
The poem is good, and conveys what you want it to--seen everything, missed nothing is especially good.
2007-07-26 16:13:32 · answer #4 · answered by Todd 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
1. Your teacher is wrong. Intelligence is weight and your teacher needs to find a new aphorism.
Your poem is quite nice; wraps up a creature to often seen.
2007-07-26 15:20:32 · answer #5 · answered by ObscureB 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I like how well your poem flows together, Great job.
2007-07-26 15:41:31 · answer #6 · answered by Dinosaur 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds a little like jealousy to me
2007-07-27 10:05:54 · answer #7 · answered by The Dark Prince 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Great poem, i also think that intelligence is not the key to purity, it should be love............................ the love for others, the love for yourself and the love for everything.................
2007-07-26 17:01:09 · answer #8 · answered by Tamalez 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋