Married 20 years and have a teenager who is becoming very upset at my husbands attitude towards me. He has become very abusive when drunk and calls me 'a waste of space' and a 'lazy *****'. I worked for 30 years- contributed to the mortgage and bills etc- only gave up when we moved some 6 years ago - he said to give up work. I maintain I nice house but to no avail. Whatever I do appears to be nothing compared to what he does. He he told me to leave, but could someone advise me what what would happen if I should just walk out. Obviously I would not leave without my daughter. He would be left with a 3-bed house which I purchased half of and most of the contents. How would I stand regarding ownership and where do I move to with no funds. He has me over a barrel.
I would welcome any advice from anyone who has been in the same position! I am not prepared to give up all I have worked for and earned over 20 years! I have stayed this long only because of my daughter.
2007-07-26 12:29:43 · 33 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Based on some of your comments you may be what is called a co-dependant. You need to seek out an Al-anon meeting and go to it... No you do not have to tell him you are going. No you do not have to ask him to go. You say he has you over a barrel. That is low self esteem talking... The meetings will help you to cope with the changes that need to be made. You may become strong and inform him his way will no longer be tolerated. Or you may have him hit the road. That will be your choice since you are your own lady and you know what is truly best for you and your teen. From here on out it is all about you and your needs. If he wants to be a part of it he will have to do somew major changing. If you will allow it that is...
Different States have different laws regarding divorce and asset allocation. But as a lifelong partner you are certainly entitled to your half...
They have ala-teen also...
Whatever you do lady you are someone special and there is someone out there that would be thankful to have you as a friend and partner...
Good luck on whatever your decision....
2007-07-26 13:09:28 · answer #1 · answered by Treslayr 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You HAVE to get out. Otherwise your teen will grow up thinking that this is a normal relationship and most likely have the same kinds of relationships in her own life. You have to stand up and let your child know that this is not the way a relationship is supposed to work. You have already worked so you know that you can get a job. If I were you I would change the locks and tell him to move. If he stands at the door and won't leave or tries to come in then you call the police and get a restraining order. Be a strong woman!! You have just as much right as him since you are married. HE will be the one to have to find somewhere else to go.. then you will figure the rest out in the divorce. I mean everything he has is 50% yours so maybe you will end up with the house in the long run. In the meantime you will have the house to yourself and have some time to get a job and make a new start. Let him go live with his girlfriends. After all what would be worse.. staying in this horrible relationship and ruining you and your daughters happiness in life, or getting out and working hard to make a better life for the two of you??
2007-07-26 12:43:27 · answer #2 · answered by meeeeeeeee2681 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm mean I'd change the locks whilst he was out!!
No being serious, my Dad has had 2 affairs and I recently found out he has a daughter that was put up for adoption by his second bimbo! It's not nice on anyone but I still love my Dad and see him quite often, I know that my older brother and sister said that when they were young my Dad used to be violent to my Mum. I never witnessed it I am 12 years younger than my sister,it was all over and done with I was the do and make mend baby, I think they only had my younger brother because I had been a girl and it brought back memories for my Mum about Dad's other daughter, who is 5 years younger than my older brother and 5 years older then me, but if I had been there I would have said Mum come on pack your stuff up we are leaving.
He obviously doesn't give a stuff about anybody but himself, so hard as it may be, you need to think of yourself and your daughter get somewhere to live and find a solicitor and and make sure you get everything that is due to you,
Take Care of yourself X
2007-07-27 01:49:12 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would stay in the house I wouldn't
let him think that you are a push over. I believe the law is to split the assets once you are divorcing. I would definetly stay in the house because then the judge might order that you and the child can stay in the house for so many years or you can pay his half of the assets in cash and then he can never kick you out. If you don't have the cash I'm pretty sure a judge would let you and your daughter stay because your daughter is important to the courts and they want her to have as little change as possible. The cards are in your hand don't blow it. Stay there. If he abuses at all call the cops I think you might be able to ask the courts if he can be removed out of the house by going to a temporary court hearing until your big hearing comes up. I believe there should be a free legal clinic somewhere in your area. I am not sure how you would get the legal advice without him coming in the house and locking you out. so before you leave try to find that out by having a friend go to the free clinic for you first.
2007-07-26 12:41:07 · answer #4 · answered by detour 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him to leave bc you are the one who has worked so hard for what you two have. The next time he abuses you mentaly or physicaly, go get an emergency restraining order against him. Place his things outside and change all of the locks. This will get him out of the house. Then you can go back to work so that you will be able to pay the bills. Divide the property through the divorce so that he doesn't get what you deserve. You may want him to file for divorce so that he may have to pay your attorney fees. Also, draw up child support payments and have him sign them before you go anywhere. I would not leave at all. I would stay regardless of what he says unless he has you thrown out by the police. The only place you could move to is like a womans shelter for the time being if you do not have family and friends to put you up until you get back on your feet. You still own half of the house along with all other property at this time. I would also go for spousal support since he wouldn't let you work any longer. This will also help you get back on your feet. The best thing for you to do is at least consult with a lawyer at this time, and see what he recommends you do before you do anything at all. Most likely, if you stay in the house, you will probably end up getting it in the divorce. The judge will at least let you have temp. possession of it while you have your daughter until the divorce is final and assets are divided between the two of you. No judge is going to put a woman and child in the streets. He will make the man move out before he does this.
2007-07-26 12:41:20 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't need to stay in the house, move out but seek advice from a Lawyer they will advise you the best route to take regarding starting divorce and settlement proceedings.
If you have custody of your child then you should be entitled to more than 50% of the equity in your house sometimes it can be a 75-25 split.
Don't see it as leaving everything you've worked for behind... you will be taking your daughter with you.... surely she is everything you have worked for and make a new happier life for yourselves.
Seek legal advice as soon as possible and usually the first hours consultation is free... go for it.
Good Luck xx
2007-07-27 01:46:20 · answer #6 · answered by Pitstop!! 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Contact an attorney today for a consult. Have a list of questions ready. Also document your husband's abusive behavior.
This is the time to call in favors from family and friends should you need a place to stay. The preferred method is to get yr husband out. If he has physically abused you a police report needs to be filed.
Good luck.
2007-07-26 12:46:46 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go to an attorney and get some advise. Most will give an initial consultation for free.
Protect yourself and your rights. Document any abuse, both emotional and physical. You'll need the facts.
Don't walk out until you have legal advise. You might be able to get him to move.
He is a serial cheater, has substance problems and is abusive??
Most likely, since he had you quit working, he might have to pay alimony for awhile while you get back on your feet. He will have to pay child support until they are at least 18, and maybe longer if they are in college.
It depends on the state you live in and local laws as to how the assets will be divided.
2007-07-26 12:59:39 · answer #8 · answered by joyh 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Simply leaving when you are entitled to half of the stuff both you and your husband own is pointless unless you think you are in a very severe and dangerous situation.
If he is abusive report him.
I, too, am only 15 like one of the other answerers but my advice, as a Christian, is totally different. Seek marriage help. Find out what is causing your husband to be like this and sort it out. There is always hope. If you are in fear of your or your daughter's safety then you do really need to report him.
2007-07-26 14:07:36 · answer #9 · answered by eggz 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have rights too Dear. If you worked 20 yrs outside the home and have proof of that then get a good attorney. You should be able to move out because of his abusive behavior, but why can't he move out? It can be done. Your lawyer would be able to tell you how this happens and the police are more than welcome to let a spouse get his things while they wait. Then with a restraining order he can't come near you. Talk to a lawyer, do what he advises, it will all workout. Good luck to you.
2007-07-26 12:39:31 · answer #10 · answered by DebbK 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋