what IS this? something's wrong, yes?

Question

ok i'm a 15 yr old who's really got no idea where her life is going. i think i was depressed during the past fall/winter, and i don't know why. now i am feeling better, but i tend to be very solitary now, like i really won't show much affection (like hugs) towards my parents or younger sister, and i feel horrible about it, but it just doesn't feel natural.
i don't mean to sound like a fckd up mental case here, but what is this??
and i've been told i don't share myself with others enough, like i'm very good at masking emotions.
my mother recently has been taking trips to care for her mother, spending a week away, then coming back for the weekend,then leave again and my dad's at work all day,and my younger sister currently is at a sleepaway camp for two weeks, so i'm alone.the scary part is,i think i like it better that way. i would NEVER tell anyone this and most people think we have a perfect family.
i don't want to hurt any of them, but i can't wait for college to get away, twistedly

keep reading.....lol
i am NOT a mental case who has no feelings for anyone!!!
i just feel like, empty. and pleasepleaseplease don't take this the wrong way, because i lead a pretty normal life, and i'm embarrassed about this, but a two years ago i was raped by my coach on this over seas football (soccer) programme.
i really don't like to think of it as this was the defining moment, because i don't like to think about it. i never told anyone. i am NOT some sort of domestic violence victim who deserves to be pitied. basically i think of it as my own fault, since i couldn't be strong enough to fight back or get away from him.

Answer 1

You had something horrible happen to you. You were raped, and haven't really done anything to allow yourself to heal. This isn't something that just goes away. A few things on the original trauma.

1 - IT WAS NOT YOUR FAULT. He knew damned well what he did was WRONG, and he is fully responsible for doing it anyway. He was in a position of trust and authority, and took shameful advantage of it. You, on the other hand, are not responsible for controlling his behavior. Even if you are his physical equal, which I seriously doubt, having someone that you thought you could trust come at you like that can be so traumatic that it freezes your ability to respond. When you add that he is bigger, stronger, and more experienced in physical sports, the odds are overwhelmingly in his favor, and he knew that. The only possible advantage that you might have had would have been speed, which the freeze response will negate.

2 - Talk about this to someone you trust. Surf around, and find others who have had the same experience. The number of women who have experienced abuse is frighteningly large, YOU ARE NOT ALONE IN THIS. Isolating yourself is a very normal response to rape trauma. Your trust was violated, and having trouble trusting your judgment after 'missing the call' to such a degree will result in you instinctively withdrawing, as a safety measure. As you start talking to people who understand what you went through, that feeling of detachment will fade. You may experience a delayed emotional response, don't let this scare you, it's a sign that you're healing. Sooner or later, you're going to have to get the pain out in the open and deal with it. If you don't do this deliberately, it will find a way out on it's own. Your body knows it's not healthy to deny emotion, so it will vent the emotional energy, possibly with physical symptoms. Female troubles, digestive tract problems, and headaches are common, but it's going to depend on where you are most vulnerable physically.

3 - Don't feel obliged to protect his reputation, he doesn't deserve it. As a matter of fact, as long as his reputation gives others the impression that he can be trusted, he is in a perfect position to do this to someone else.

I hope this helps.

Answer 2

I think you are perfectly normal. Hardly anybody has an idea where their life is going when they are 15, and even those that think they do may change their minds like a hundred times before they finally settle into something. Some people never settle into something.

You're also reaching an age where you will start to break away from your family. It's just part of the process of growing up. You sound like you still have their feelings and interests in mind, so as long as you acknowledge them and their feelings every once in awhile that will be OK too.

It seems to me like you are very mature for your age, and have been through your share of life experiences. You will get through this just fine, I am sure. Don't forget that your parents went through this at one time too -- we all did -- it may help both of you out to sit down and have a mature adult decision about these changes you are feeling. Some parents can take that it it helps a lot so that everyone understands what's going on, what's expected of them, and what to expect from the other people. Best case scenario -- you could become really good friends with your family in a few years, and actually enjoy it!

Answer 3

You need to talk to a psychologist. My mother committed suicide when I was a freshman in high school. I declined to see a psychiologist and 14 years later, I'm regretting it. Like you, I didn't want to be pitied. I became very solitary and suffered with social anxiety and depression for many years. DON'T MAKE THE SAME MISTAKE I DID...talk to someone. Don't be embarrassed because you were raped...it is NOT your fault.

I read a book called "Depression Is A Choice" by A.B. Curtiss a few months ago and that finally showed me how to deal with depression and anxiety. Prior to that, I spent years taking anti-depressants like Paxil, just wanting something to cure me. The truth is, there is no instant cure, you have to work at it. Go to the library and read a book on depression and talk to a psychologist. Otherwise, you'll likely spend years being depressed and miserable when you don't have to.

Answer 4

No. -I hate to tell you this, but it sounds like you're 15. :) No- I'm not being "smart", but being a teenager- is NO picnic. If your body isn't "acting up", -your "head" probably IS. And it doesn't "help" when everybody around you is either ignoring you, after your body- or giving you a hard time!!! So WHAT to "do" about it? Well, HOLD ON, SIT TIGHT, -survive through 15, struggle through 16, PRAY you make it through 17, and if you LIVE to see 18, -then go off to College and meet all the people like YOU- you never knew existed! ...In the MEANTIME, hang in there, try to be "nice" to whoever you have to, -and try not to worry too much. From your question, you sound pretty nice- just the way you ARE. :)

Answer 5

I can't get a full impression without knowing you, but there is nothing wrong with wanting to be alone sometimes. Some people are introverts and some people are extroverts. Introverted people "recharge their batteries" by getting away to themselves for a while. Extroverts recharge by social interaction with others. It is possible that you don't get a lot of time to yourself, so this recent chance to be alone has been a welcome break. It does not mean that you don't like your family or that you can't have normal relationships. It only means that interacting with people is emotionally draining at times and you need a break from it once in a while. Like I said I don't know your specifics. These are just general trends. If this sounds like it fits your situation then I hope it helps you out. If it doesn't fit, then talk it out with someone who can help.

Answer 6

Hey, not too many 15 year olds know where they're headed in life. Some people never know. Sounds to me like you need someone to talk to really bad, The rape by your coach was NOT your fault. You also need to go to the Police about him, or at the very least go to a rape councelor. That loser is a SOB and needs to be put out of business. Try and hang in with your Mom. She has her work cut out for her, I'm 75 and I dread the day my daughter might have to take care of me. They did convince me to move into the inlaw apt in their home. (I must admit, not having stairs to climb is a plus). I still work part time, drive, have a lot of friends and plan on going on a trip with one of them.
Just know you aren;t screwed up mentally, Honey. You're just 15 and need someone to talk to. Lots of luck, Wish I could help more.

Answer 7

I think that this has to do mostly with the rape. Many victims tend to exhibit this type of behaviour. You need to tell your family, first off. It doesn't matter how embarrased or scared you are, they need to know. Second, try do get some therapy, it will help you a great deal. And I always say this, but have a good support system of people that can cheer you up and are behind you every step of the way.

Answer 8

You sound very NORMAL to me! Dont worry about it, it is natural to start to "push"your family away, it is the start to becoming independent. We all do it, unconsciously of course. It is how you handle it that counts, and you sound very intune to your emotions and aware of how others feel, so dont worry! Just remember that you are only 15 and your time will come to be on your own and be who you really are, just have to be patient. And enjoy it while it lasts! Your family is your backbone!

Answer 9

Hon, you need to talk with someone about the football coach incident. This is NOT something you should keep inside yourself. Your subconscious could be telling you to get some help for this. Your withdrawal from family and life is NOT a good sign of a healthy mind. Please, talk with someone and report this man for what he did. He should not be allowed to run free and do this to another young girl. Please, do it!!

Answer 10

Sometimes people like being alone more than they like being with people. You don't hate being with people, you just don't have to worry about acting right around them when they aren't around you. Maybe if you didn't worry about it when they WERE around, you could help alleviate some of this avoidance.