What to do with my marriage....?

Question

My husband and I have been married for two years. He told me from the beginning that sex is very important to him. After about six months of being married he got upset about always feeling like he was initiating. That has never been my thing. Am I wrong to feel like that? Now here we are after two years of marriage and we are lucky if we have sex more than once a month. We are remodeling and adding on to our house and I'm not sure if that has caused added stress to our situation. I told him about six months ago that all it would take to turn me on and get me to initiate is for him to put his hands on my face and kiss me and he has not done that once. For a guy who expressed how important sex is, he sure doesn't try to show that he wants it. What to do? Will it change? Do I stay in a marriage that is sexless? I want him to want me, I want him to flirt with me, I want him to be ok with him initiating..... Help!

Answer 1

From a Guy's point of view...I cant speak for all men but I will give my personsal opinion. Men also have feelings of feeling wanted and we do have egos that can be fragile at times. A man should take the intiative but should feel wanted as he is doing so. I love it when a Woman gets all dressed up in a sexy outfit and Lingerie and with that alone she doesn't need to say a word. But Marriage is all about making the other happy and doing things that You may not like at the Moment but the Happiness it brings your spouse should all be worth it.

A Marriage has to have a healthy Sex life or the other might go somewhere else to feel needed or attractive to. I think a gentle and carressing kiss should not be asked for but should be spontanoues. Marriage is full of compromise as long as it is equal. Drees up for him and wait to surprise him....Trust me US MEN LOVE IT!!!! Role Play and spice things up in private or public. Not all men are aggressive and some do like the gentle approach. I say mix all the emotions and go for broke.. But Sex is important no matter what others may say. Sex is the giving to each others pleasures and sharing two bodies to literrally becoming one...GOOD LUCK

Answer 2

It always pains me to here such situations as this. While you are a romantic it would seem to me, your husband is not.
Knowing such an intimate thing as the touch of his hands on your face having such an erotic effect should be the type of thing that lets him know how much you love him! How beautiful!
Unfortunately the second line of your question may be the answer to your question! "Sex", not romance, is whats important to him. And believe me dear, if sex is that important and you have sex only once a month....he is having it with someone else!
I will tell you this. Many men have ego problems when it comes to sex. They have to know that they are the desired one in a relationship. This often stems from having sex with 'pro's' and women they meet who haven't had it in a
while and jump them like its no tomorrow! This can become a problem as the stimulous for arousel becomes conditioned both physically and emotionally. Watching a lot of porn when women talk dirty and agressive also can be part of the problem too!
Will it change...unfortunately probably not in your marriage!
And make no mistake here...a marrige involing to healthy adults with almost no sex is not a marriage at all!
Sweethert now is the time for you to confront this situation straight up! Let him know with no hesitatin that this marriage cannot continue as it is...because its not a marriage at all!!!
Find a good marriage counselor...a good one! And one that is not faith based! If he does not agree to it then it is a certain sign that he is with someone else. At that point you should secure your finances and on very short notice if at all...find somewhere else to stay until he agrees to see a counselor! First by himself ...then together. Wait until after counseling to decide your next move! You may find that you may not like this guy as much as you thought.
If the man you are with, knowing what you have shared, doesn't come home....give you a hug...put his hands softley on your face, look into your eyes and tells you he loves you....softly but pasionately kisses you...takes a shower and comes out to a burning woman who is now turned and makes love to you....you don't need to be with him!
I wish you strength and courage through this. All men should be so lucky to have a woman like you!

Answer 3

He may be refusing to initiate. He told you that he wants you to initiate half the time, or even a quarter of the time, and you haven't done that. Why not? You're not being fair. It's not right to always have to initiate.
So maybe he has put his foot down and is being stubborn and says then fine, we won't have sex at all until she initiates.
Well...he told you he wanted you to...so do it.

Answer 4

I'm dealing with the same thing, but there has been much improvement lately. I just decided to talk to him about it- let him know what exactly I thought about the situation and how I thought we could improve it. Compromise is great too, however. I've always had to initiate sex- and now that I've sat my hubby down and really talked to him about it- HE is the one initiating! Good Luck- Hope this helps you!

Answer 5

With the idea that you really can't change him... I agree that you've got to take the ball in your court and start initiating first. Then teach him how you want to be touched, how you want to be romanced. With the incentive of what he's wanting in the first place, intimacy wtih you- you can then negotiate how you both can make that happen much more often.

Answer 6

I suggest you communicate that to him and work together to find some sort of compromised solution. If you can do that on your own great otherwise a counselor may help facilitate that communication.

Answer 7

Wait til he comes home, than throw him on the bed, strip off his clothes and take advantage of him however you want. That should make him happy. You have to initiate. Men need to know you want them, and that's one of the main ways of showing it.

Answer 8

talk about sex with him, talk about your sexual fantasies, watch some erotic/porn movies together and discuss it, find out if he ever dream about movie stars/being with a prostitute/S&M/women of other races/your friends/whatever else. just get comfortable talking about sex with him and then you might get comfortable doing some of the stuff you were talking about. your situation looks like a big trouble and lack of communication, and who knows may be he already found somebody else who satisfies him.

Answer 9

I believe you are being reasonable about the situation*... If I were him I would be after you ASAP or sooner*...Especially after you told me what turned you on*...

Answer 10

You have to initiate. Let him know he is wanted.