My husband made a profile for himself 4 months ago saying that he's married and he's bored with his sex life and looking to have some fun with other chicks. I found it last night. He lied his *** off and told me it wasn't him. After an hour of accusing him he finally came clean and admitted to posting it but said he didn't have sex with anyone else and swears he's never cheated on me. I'm sooo frustrated and hurt. What do I do. I can't trust him anymore but I love him to death. What are your opinions as to what I should do?? Thanx
2007-07-26 10:44:44 · 32 answers · asked by Alicia G 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He left his email on the computer and I went snooping. I had alread had suspisions as to him cheating and thought that he might have something in his email. Well I found his profile by clicking on one of his messages from them. I'm not at all a cheater and would never even think of looking at this website. I didn't even know it excisted. I feel so betrayed and lost.
2007-07-26 10:52:19 · update #1
Hey girl, its me....Well it is clearly time to start thinking with your head and not your heart. When you are hurt and angry, your heart assumes the worst which brings out the worst in us women... You have to collect your thoughts. Do not blame yourself. I am not on his side but know he is feeling like the biggest piece of ****. He let you down as a friend, even if he didn't have sexul relations with another woman it is just as devistating knowing that we couldn't keep our man "satisfied".to the fact that he would even lower himself to "look" for another woman to satisfy him. Give your self time and space. Don't harp on him. If you truly love him and want him to stay give him space also, let him figure out what he is lacking on the inside to make him want to look elsewhere... Know in your heart and soul you didn't do anything for him to betray you as a wife, friend, lover. He has betrayed himself. Give this time. Yelling and screaming and thinking the worst certainly will not help the situation. And don't run to your family and talk bad about him.. That will only make them dispise him if you two were to work this out and start over fresh. You two are still young and every single day you are going to grow and evolve in your path of life. We don't have control over others actions and thoughts, it is hard to maintain control over our own. I don't want this to sound corny but write your feelings down, and even if you never want anything to do with him again, forgive him so you can move on and not hold the pain and anger in your heart and soul. We are always more toxic and damaging to ourselves than we could ever possibly let anyone else. Also know too that you are not a doormat. You deserve to be respected, loved and cherished. Every painful situation in our life is an excellent opportunity to grow and learn a very valuable and powerful lesson. Don't let anger cloud your thoughts. You will get thru this. But there is a healty way and a way that some think by acting psycho would actually accomplish something. I hope this helps, don't own his transgressions, they are his not yours. Set boundaries. And only accept the truth. You will grow and soar by being positive in the worst of situations. Love yourself. Keep working on your education. Don't let this be the end of your world, Again, everything is a learning experience, let it make you stronger. xoxo Tina
2007-07-26 13:57:53 · answer #1 · answered by tna8672 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Obviously there are some problems, either that or he is an addict...it happens, and may have nothing to do with your marriage. But regardless of whether he's cheated on you or not, his intent of posting that profile WAS to cheat on you. If you can't trust him anymore, then there isn't much of a marriage left, is there? I'd try some counselling and see if you can get to the bottom of it. If he's not open to that - leave him.
2007-07-26 10:50:48 · answer #2 · answered by PRCutie 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Look at it this way, How many situations have you been in without him knowing not necessarily that you were cheating on him? Marriage is about giving and receiving and the fact that he had his profile in adultfriend finder is a confirmation that the two of you have certain issues to sort out. Talk to him and forgive him. Know what the problem he has and try to find ways of dealing with it as a couple.
You never know it what the right time to save your family before it was too late.
2007-07-26 11:03:28 · answer #3 · answered by sweetie 1 · 1⤊ 2⤋
If you have any plan of staying with him I would recommend both of you go in for some marriage counseling. Its seems theres allot both of you need to talk about. Its going to take allot for you to trust him again, but this might be a first step.
I personally, would consider going the other way. Even tho he might not of cheated, he betrayed your trust and went behind your back. IMO he was one step away from possibly cheating or having an affair.
~Best of luck
2007-07-26 10:50:49 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋
He is wrong for wha he did but sometimes guys arent good at expressing themselves when things change or the feel different.
Have you figured out what he's missing in his sex life? What is he looking for that you're not willing to do. Maybe if ya'll talked it out, things can better. Maybe do some role playing, take a trip or cruise and do the big nasty all weekend long!
2007-07-26 10:58:47 · answer #5 · answered by PLATINUM_PLUS1 3 · 1⤊ 2⤋
AFF is low class. I signed up on it when my ex-gf left me and I got laid the next day. So pu-leeze he's never done anything. Past track record says dont trust. I was low class when my gf bailed. Now I am with a better person and I never think of my past. And sex gets boring. Thats called marraige. But its even more boring being 65 and living alone bc your wife left you bc you were a creepy AFF perv. Leave him.
2007-07-26 11:00:46 · answer #6 · answered by csiders30 4 · 4⤊ 1⤋
Think of it this way - if you didn't catch him red handed do you think he WOULD have eventually cheated? It's easy to apologize now - he's busted! But if you know deep in your gut that he had every intention of acting on his profile it's time to say goodbye. No one sits at a computer and spends time filling out a public dating profile if they aren't looking for something to come of it!
2007-07-26 10:49:16 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
That's right
2016-07-29 10:28:06 · answer #8 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have two choices... stay, or leave... And only you can decide if the guy is worth staying married to, since you no longer trust him... If marriage is respect, admiration passion and trust, he's trying to share the passion with someone else, the trust is gone, and for sure your admiration and respect for him is in the toilet too. Your marriage is in deeeeeep trouble, hon. Both of you need to repair it if you wish to stay... You both need to seek a few sessions of counseling, or it is soon over anyway...............
2007-07-26 10:53:21 · answer #9 · answered by April 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Well the obvious question is WHY were YOU on adultfriendfinder???? Second.........did you ever think that maybe he's telling the truth? That he's bored with his sex life and that maybe he's just looking for some entertainment? It might be thrill enough just browsing through the list of "interested" women in the area, knowing that he could if he wanted to. Looking to see if he recognizes anybody! Maybe looking for somebody to flatter him with an offer?
I suspect that your husband isn't looking to have affairs behind your back with women he meets online, but rather he's just plain bored. And I'm willing to bet that if you offer to spice things up if he agrees to delete the account, you might be pleasantly surprised!
PS: Laughing at all the idiots with one line responses that say "divorce him, he doesn't deserve you." As if it's really all that simple! Shyeah right!
2007-07-26 10:51:54 · answer #10 · answered by ? 3 · 3⤊ 3⤋