Does religion really matter to you in looking for a spouse or significant other?

Question

I will admit the only two times I've been in church in 5 years were for funerals. I just cannot see spending my Sundays in a church. Sorry, this is not meant to offend the "believers" but I have a few issues with religion. "Any religion!" And I'm not sure I could spend my time with someone that "has" to be at church every Sunday-Wednesday...etc.. I know this is a touchy subject to some here, but would you date or marry someone that just does not attend church?

Lisa..answer 15, now this is what I'm talking about. Did you fall out of a tree and hit your head. This is a question, not a pulpit, and learn how to spell...please. Don't preach, just have a cocktail and sit down on the boat, hang on tight, and I will show you how to really scream Oh God!!!!! Sorry everyone, just had to get that off my chest...lol

Answer 1

If you had asked me that question 15 years ago, I probably would have said it didn't matter. But now that I have kids, going to church has been a wonderful part of my life. It's made my life so much better and my kids absolutely love it!

I feel like they need a good example from both parents. My husband didn't used to go to church with me and it was really tough. But one day he abused my trust and I had to decide whether I could forgive him or leave him. Believe me, I wanted to leave, but I just thought back on all the things I've learned from church and all the times God has forgiven me for my mistakes and God gave me the strength to stay and forgive him. Since then my husband has totally changed into a different person and he even goes to church with me now. If it hadn't been for the support I get from my sisters in church, my life might be totally different now and my kids would be away from their Dad.

Once I asked my son what he would do if I stopped going to church (he's 13). He said that he would find some other way to get there and that he would try to convince me to go back. I knew then that I could never take that away from them!

Obviously, there are many Christians who are downright hypocrites, but not all Christians are alike. None of us are perfect...I know I'M NOT. That's why we need salvation. And (some) churches are a great place to find out what that's all about.

Answer 2

I am religious and go to church every Sunday. It affects my principles as well. So far i always had partners who did not share my religious beliefs but respected them - even if they were atheist, or had different beliefs. It is an important issue - because it is part of your personality how you think about these things and lots of times your decisions will be affected by your beliefs. You wouldn't marry somebody who cannot accept and respect something or somebody which is very important for you, would you? To answer your question. I don't have problem with a spouse who has other beliefs. I won't force my beliefs on him, and never did, BUT definitely expect him to respect mine (as i do his) and before the relationship turns really serious would make sure that important issues you agree on or can make a compromise. E.g. children's religious education or even just getting married in church. etc. So the important thing is to make sure you are able to get on the same page, because it might be that characteristic of him/her which won't change. i hope i helped.

Answer 3

I think it does - but there are some extra variables to look at.

1- If there are children involved. If you have children, or plan on having children and you both believe something totally different - well it will cause a lot of conflict in the home. Not right away, but eventually it will come.

2- Each individuals spirituality. We all have our own beliefs. Some are based off of our own upbringing. Some are based off of what the important people around us may believe. Then we have what we - ourselves- believe. And sometimes our spirituality can be a roller coaster ride.

The problem here is that if you're both on different coasters, or worse different trains on a collision course.

I believe it is important that both people have close - but not necessarily exact - beliefs.

Relationships can be hard enough as it is, and require lots of work. Adding in the spiritual factor... well that can sometimes be the straw - final or the one that breaks the camels back.

But ultimately it comes down to this - What do you both believe? And what are your expectations for each other? Does she hope that you'll change? (Deep inside l bet she does... she probably really wants a strong spiritual leader in the home.) If so, are you the person she wants?

Communication is vital in this - the most taboo area in conversation- you have to talk about it.

But if you are both looking long term, you both have to lay out clear groundwork as to where you both stand, and where you both expect to see things - 20yrs from now...

Long answer - but l hope it helps!

Answer 4

I was agnostic-catholic and married an athiest-jew, and the lack of similar beliefs did cause problems when trying to raise my son. Now I am with a fellow Bahai, and I think it helps to be of the same perspective in raising children and leading a life together.
Nevertheless, if there is love and respect for each other, I think it can work without being from the same "church." However, if your beliefs make either partner feel the other is not "on the path to God," or that they cannot support the other in their spiritual beliefs/activities, then there most likely will be conflicts and problems.

Lastly, it is (honestly) much easier in such cases if either or both are not strong in their beliefs. In that case, the feelings are not as strong and both are likey to be more tolerant of difference.

Answer 5

I do not think that religion per say should really matter ( and this is my own personal opinion , I know others out there feel extremely different). I would define religion as a denomination or named belief such as Methodist, Catholic, etc, etc. I do think ones spirituality is something that should be considered. My reasoning here is that say for instance , your girl believes that there are spiritual beings in this world that look over and protect her and she believes this with all her heart and gets a safe, warm feeling form such and here you come and say, " no way on earth"! If she is opinionated enough about the subject and her beliefs this could be cause for her to not respect your thoughts or beliefs on any matter ( in other words, he's way off base here.... what else could he possibly be wrong on? ) I believe faith in general is a personal matter. I do not believe it is right to impose your own beliefs on any one else if they are not willing to consider it! I may find my strength and hope here..... you may find it elsewhere.... as long as we're on a similar wave length( in other words you're not a Satanist and I'm a devout Christian )who cares how you practice your faith! As far as having to practice your faith somewhere every Sunday/Wednesday or whatever day for that matter...... to each his own.

Answer 6

In a way but not really. I dated a guy who was Muslim and I'm christian. We just had a understanding of the others religion. Plus, we talked about holidays, church, and anything else that needed to be addressed. Just for your FYI we were together for 3 years. We still celebrated Christmas and Easter. We ended up having a little girl and we got her baptized. So, it's really all about communication. Good luck!

Answer 7

As long as the other person doesn't try to push their beliefs on me, doesn't disrespect my views, and isn't super involved in their church/religion then it should be fine.

Most guys I've dated in past years had some sort of religious or spiritual belief system, but didn't attend church...and their beliefs didn't seem to conflict with my views so that was never a problem.

Answer 8

Well ..just so you know for sure... religion is not God. and God said only God is good. K? Hope that clears alot up. If your life is all about religion but not about God and family and life and the living of that life.. well.. life is going to get pretty rough. First you actually have to believe in God anyway.

Learn the ten commands.. and then act on them. Things will work out ... Oh..theres more beyond that..but first at least learn those... then the rest will come right to you.

Answer 9

Personallly, no. It wouldn't matter to me. I would respect his choice of religion and place or worship and equally if he doesn't have one, and in return I would like for him to respect my choice, whether I have one or not. Mutual respect is vital in any relationship and differences can be worked out. As far as holidays, I know many families where there are 2 celebrations held in respect for each other's religion. Most importantly I'd say that religion is not a prerequisite to finding the right person, rather, it's the person that makes the relationship work.

Answer 10

I'm with you! It's not that I don't respect everyone's right to worship and believe what they want, but my husband and I - while compassionate and caring people - are agnostics. We don't believe in the kind of black & white, dichotomous thinking that you often find in organized religions. If some people find solace in their life by practicing a certain religion, fine. But I don't want to be a part of it, which is why I could never have dated or married someone who truly believes in that.