I recently married a wonderful man with a 17 month old son (then 15 months). The baby was sick a lot around 6-12 months old and he is behind developmentally. Everyone talks about what a good job I have done and how the baby is completly different (in a good way) since I have had him. But sometimes I worry if I am really being a mom to him. How do I know if I have got that "mother bond"? And how do I know if I love him enough? My husband and I have talked about it and he says that I am doing a great job and I am just worrying too much. Has anyone else ever been through this? If so what did you do?
2007-07-26 09:26:44 · 19 answers · asked by Selena H 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Yes we have him full time. His birth mother walked out on him when he was one week old. He has gone from just starting crawling good when I got him to where he is trying to walk and he says a few words. He is also much more alert. (then he wouldn't even look at you when you talked to him and now he will come to you when you say his name) he wasn't holding his bottle on his on and now he is trying to feed himself. Those are a few of the differences in him since he has been with me.
2007-07-26 09:34:16 · update #1
since you dont say if the baby is with you full time but a baby and a child knows when they are loved . just relax and take it easy and continue what you are doing .
2007-07-26 09:31:53 · answer #1 · answered by Kate T. 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You didn't say if the biological mother was still in his life. But, keep doing what you are doing. Obviously you love his son (now your) or you wouldn't be taking care of him. He is still young so the bond between you will continue to grow. They key to step parenting is you have to treat them as if they were your own children.
I have 4 stepchildren who were 3, 4, 5 & 7 when I met their father, it has been 10 yrs and the children love me as i do them. I also have a now 16 yr old and my husband & i have a 6 & 7 yr old together.
Keep up the good work!
2007-07-26 09:40:34 · answer #2 · answered by C 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well sweetheart speaking as a step dad and a step child my self. Your a saint for taking on someone Else's child. So there's a place in heaven for you. Then with the developmental problems, You may take over St. Peters job at the pearly gates.
Ask yourself this, Could you see him not in your life. Would you hurt him? Would you let anyone else hurt him? Would you hurt anyone trying to do harm to him? Well since you answered yes to all the questions then, you've bonded, and you love him like a mother.
2007-07-26 09:36:08 · answer #3 · answered by walker9842 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Do you have the baby full time? It sounds like you are a wonderful mom, since bio mom stepped out of the picture, drop the step title, sounds like you've earned the real thing. Just love that little baby. It takes a special person to raise someone else's child, and than to raise a special needs child only adds a halo to your set of wings. Just love him that's all you can do. Be there through the good and the bad. My husband is a "Step" father to my 9 year old son he has raised him since he was 3, my son calls him "dad". My husband told my son one time that he was fortunate enough to have the opportunity to choose him to be his son. What a wonderful thing to know that someone loves you enough to choose to raise you. Keep up the good work!!!!!
2007-07-26 09:30:20 · answer #4 · answered by fire_side_2003 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The man you married is lucky to have found someone like you. It sounds like you are being a wonderful mother to the little boy. You love him, take care of him, and I'm sure make the same sacrifices that you would for a child that you carried and gave birth to. I'm a first-time mom of an 11-month old, and parenting is always a challenge. Sounds like you met this one head-on with compassion, integrity and love. One day that boy will call you mama and your heart will flutter and you will never worry again.
2007-07-26 09:41:56 · answer #5 · answered by delfin28 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My hat is off to you, fellow step mom. The bond that you speak of will grow with more time. It's not as easy as the birth process where you carry them for nine months bonding every day. Sounds like you are doing a terrific job and he will love you. You are lucky he is so young and knows only you as mom. Makes things alot easier. Keep up the good work.
2007-07-26 10:45:24 · answer #6 · answered by Deb 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think as the child grows older, you would then realize how much you mean to him..... Always looking for you.... calling for you.... asking for you.... As a first time mom, I didn't realized how much i was loved or how much I loved her until like age 3 where I am my child's world and I find out that she is the love of my life, and you actually feel it in your heart. Every mom is different..... It took me a while to understand the concept of the meaning "mommy"... Just for now cherish every moment.... because they grow so quickly, and if you worry about if you are a good mom, your going to let precious moments pass by with out even knowing you did.. In my eyes you are his mother, and a wonderful one too... Not many women would do something so noble....
2007-07-26 09:53:01 · answer #7 · answered by leianna g 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was a step-mother to a 5yr old until he was 12,and although I did my best to love him I knew I couldn't replace his own mum.But as your little one is only a baby I'm sure you are giving him all the love you can.As for the mother bond thing well some maternal mothers don't even feel that so don't worry.I 'm sure you are a good mum ,keep up the good work.
2007-07-26 09:39:48 · answer #8 · answered by ageless_san 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
im going through this right now and i was worried that i wasnt going to be a good step mom however once the baby got to know me she was attached.she even calls me momma. my finace just won custody of her and i am the only positive female figure in her life. my fiance says im doing great. the real reason i know that im doing good is how the baby acts towards me. she hugs me and kisses me and follows me around the house. if that baby acts like that towards you then you know u r doing a good job! my step daughter is young as well she is only 22 months. its hard being a step mom but keep up the good work!!!
2007-07-26 09:48:51 · answer #9 · answered by ♥ missing a soldier in Iraq ♥ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK, you know you are doing agood job
do you need us to pat you in the back and tell you so, well you know you are doing a good job and if you think about it this is your child you have been in his life since he was 6 months old
You seem to love him and I bet when he start calling mama
it will be you
what you need to do is to talk to your husband about adopting him, so the bioligical mother can't come and snatch him away
Good luck & take care of your family
2007-07-26 10:13:58 · answer #10 · answered by waiting for baby 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all I want to say that you are being a good mother not step mother! You don't have to give birth to a child to be their mother. You are doing everything that a mother would do. I admire anyone who will choose to raise a child that is not theirs. All you have to do is love that baby like it was yours, and it sounds like you already do. Don't stress too much, you are doing a wonderful thing!
2007-07-26 09:42:10 · answer #11 · answered by faith 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋