I have been with this guy off and on for at least 11yrs now we have made alot of mistakes in the past but we always come back to each other and I know he loves me and I love him, He is very money oriented and wants to be established in life and well doesn't want me as a girlfriend or really commit but we still always see each other and I know he has no time really for any one else I don't know maybe i am stupid but I love him and no one else is for me I really feel he feels the same but well I don't like being pushy and he doesn't like it when I am pushy so what should I do?!
2007-07-26 08:52:17 · 35 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You should ask him to marry you. If he says no, you should move on and try to forget him.
2007-07-26 08:54:45 · answer #1 · answered by Ken 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Waiting 11 years isn't being pushy. It's just be naive. He doesn't want you as a girlfriend, so why would he want you as a wife? He continues to see you because you accept things just the way they are. He sees you when he feels like it and you put no pressure on him for anything more. You are a convenience to him; nothing more. If that's okay with you, keep doing what you're doing. If it is no longer acceptable, tell him that you need more and you will look for it in someone else.
2007-07-26 09:06:28 · answer #2 · answered by friendlyadvice 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are a few things that can prevent him from commitment. First of all, your bf sounds like me, I'm very money orientated and and established, and committing to a women is a big change for him, and changes is not in the direction of established, if you know what I mean. I'm not saying your going to be bad for him, I don't want to compare you to a job, but a want to give you an example: I'm in the mining industry, and I had allot of opportunities, but on other mines, it always sounds good, but I'm too scared for a change, I established, and focused, I'm scared of making a mistake. Its the same with women, I'm engaged now for 3 years, marriage now is a huge step. Talk to him, what does he tell you, did you try to tell him how you fell, show him how money oriented you can be, try getting engaged, tell him you wanna go slow... If he loves you, he'll listen..
2007-07-26 09:07:52 · answer #3 · answered by **AnGeLbOy** 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Plenty of couples are happily together without being married. I don't think that's the issue here. I've not heard of any good coming from trying to strongarm someone into marriage. Have you had a real heart-to-heart with him about this? If you think he doesn't even want you as a girlfriend, why do you think he even intends to marry you? I'm not trying to be harsh, but 'being established' financially is not a good enough reason not to get married if you are head-over-heels in love.
If the marriage thing is a deal breaker for you, I think it's worth finding out what he's really thinking. If he has no intentions of marrying you, cut your losses and move on. If you think you could be happy without being married, don't push the issue, but do try to find out where he is at emotionally. You deserve someone who loves you as much as you do them and is willing to show it (in some way).
2007-07-26 09:04:08 · answer #4 · answered by delfin28 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry to tell you this but he doesn't want to marry you. It's been 11 years & ur not even officially his "girlfriend" - wow. I would kick him to the curb & move on b/c it's never gonna happen. I have a friend in a similar situation as you are in right now, but she's been seeing this guy for a little over 2 years & still no realtionship. At some point you just have to realize that he is not gonna settle down with you cuz he doens't want to...I'm sure he knows if he wanted to he could..obviously he's not taking that step so i would just think he doesn't want to.
Bottom line - LEAVE HIM ALONE!!!!
2007-07-26 08:59:45 · answer #5 · answered by Jen J. 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Maybe he's not ready to marry, or perhaps doesn't want to. He keeps coming to you maybe because he loves you, or maybe because you're always an "open door". You need to ask him what his intentions are and tell him what you feel for him. If he doesn't want to settle down and marry, and you do, you're not on the same page, Dear. In that case, don't push him to marry, because then you'll feel like crap when he says, "I didn't want to marry but you kept pushing me", cuz then you'll be married and you'll want HIM to WANT to be married to you as much as you do. It'll just make problems for both of you..TRUST ME...been there, done that. I know it's hard, but if you want a good relationship, you have to be with someone that wants similiar things. Find out what he's all about. Then go from there.
2007-07-26 08:57:37 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Two statements you wrote seriously do NOT agree with each other, leading me to believe you have no idea what your guy is thinking:
1. He doesn't want me as a girlfriend or really commit.
--Contrasts completely with:
2. I love him and no one else is for me -- I really feel he feels the same.
It's been 11 years and he hasn't asked you yet to marry him. "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results." If he hasn't married you yet, he's not going to, and allowing yourself to think that he will is insane. Don't throw good time after bad -- move on. There are plenty of other fish in the sea.
2007-07-26 09:05:23 · answer #7 · answered by Happy-2 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I have to laugh at some of the answers....lol
Ok my hubby was the same way. We knew each other got together broke up cause he was to busy working to want to settle down. We did that for 10 or 11 years finely when we got back together the last time I said either you marry me or move on can't keep doing this. Been married 11 years now. Happily married I might add. Sometimes you have to make them step up to the plate. They will if they love you.....good luck
2007-07-26 09:00:11 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you can milk the cow for free why buy the cow and if you are having sex with him, then he has no reason to get married (keep in mind sex is never a reason to get married). If he truly loved you he would marry you. I agree with the others you are wasting your time and actually you have wasted 11 years on a guy who cannot commit and more than likely will never commit. If you force him to marry you what have you accomplished. If you force him to love you what have you accomplished. Resentment. Move on and finds someone who will truly loves you and the best advice I can give you is go out and buy a copy of the 5 Love Languages book by Gary Chapman, I can promise you it will change your thinking.
2007-07-26 09:00:48 · answer #9 · answered by nathan t 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
He doesn't want you as a girlfriend and he doesn't want to commit! And you want to ask him to marry you? If he doesn't want you as a gf then I think you should just forget it. You are giving him everything he needs, and what are you getting in return? If he loved you he would make some form of commitment. Basically he is getting 'it' for free, withdraw your 'services' that might do the trick!
Otherwise it is time to smell the coffee and move on, after 11 years I doubt he will change, he is getting what he wants with no commitment or love to you.
2007-07-26 08:58:52 · answer #10 · answered by Mama~peapod 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
a couple of things - First you said you guys are off and on. Are you sure this relationship is marriage material? marriage is forever....think about it. Maybe he isn't asking because he already has thought about it.
Second - It sounds like this guy has you right where he wants you. You aren't going to leave him (or if you do he knows he can get you back). You have let him put it off for 11 years....why not longer? You are going to follow him wherever he goes. So what incentive does he have? Men like to keep their options open, and NONE of them are dying to get married. You may have missed the boat here...but most guys get married when they realize that she isn't just going to hang around forever without a commitment from him. Good luck.
2007-07-26 08:59:48 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋