The Writer?

Question

I wish to write of laughter
But none's left in my heart
My joy died somewhere long ago
I lost my better part

I want ot write of funny things
To make the reader grin
But no one's smiling any more
No place with which begin

All I have are sad words
And fairly damning thought
All is paid in emptiness
And broken word is bought

Answer 1

Todd, you're usually very polished with your posts...but this one falls a little short...it sounds like you were distracted when you wrote it.

The first stanza is fine, the second is okay until its last line "no place with which begin"...maybe "So where would I begin?"

then, "and fairly damning thought"...thought? or thoughts? I know you wanted it to rhyme with "bought", but "thought" doesn't work as a singular in this sentence...how about, "and a fairly damning thought:" this would allow the next pair to define that damning thought...

then, "all is paid in emptiness"...paid in emptiness? or paid "with" emptiness: "all is paid with emptiness"

and finally, "and broken word is bought"...no way. How about "and even broken words are bought"?

You've done better, but even this is better than most.

revise...and cheer up! :)

Answer 2

Hello Todd, a fine effort, full of pathos, I like it. May I say though that time is a great healer and the hurt becomes easier to manage.