Is it rude that the guy i'm seeing speaks to his friends in his language infront of me?

Question

Hi, I'm British and i'm seeing someone from the Middle East. His friends are also from his country. And when ever they ring, he just speaks Arabic to them. He's never ever even said once "Do you mind, i'm just going to speak Arabic to my friend?" or anything at all like that. He just speaks in his own language as if it's nothing. Him and his friends can speak perfect English by the way. I think it's so rude.... I speak fluent Swedish, I have Swedish friends over here, and I talk to them in their language a lot as their English isn't too good, and i'm helping them out with it by explaining certain things, ect... but i've told them if they ring me and I'm with my b/f, can they speak English to me. My family are from Spain and I always ask them to speak English to me if they ring as well, who ever i'm with.... So, if I can do that, why can't he? I haven't confronted him about this yet, but I think is he that stupid to not even consider that he's been rude..? Am I over reacting to this?

Jamand- I am not marrying this guy, lol.
Definately not. There's no way it will go that way, we're just dating ;)

.... I don't want to get married or have children with anyone, so i'm not gonna fall a victim to his culture ;)

Answer 1

Over-react! No way girl. You go i there all guns ablazing and give him what for. RUDE, yes it blooming is, rude and disrespectful.
No way let this chap get away with this.
You go get him girl.

p.s you may consider swearing at him in swedish as you go through him!!!

Answer 2

No your not over reacting but this is something you'll have to accept or get out of the relationship.

Many men from the middle east don't see women as an equal, and this may be very obvious or it may be extremely slight in that he doesn't think about your feelings to the same extent as a spanish or english guy.

Many are not the mans man of old where a woman was definately second class but there still is an element of this with many of them.
I think you'd find this out more and more if you married the guy.

Answer 3

I have been in a relationship like this and it is annoying. One of my exes used to speak to his friends in his language in front of me and I would get really paranoid! I think that he is being rude but the least he could do is explain what the conversation was about or try to teach you some arabic phrases. Unless he has something to hide....

You definately are not over reacting when I had had enough of listening to Yoruba being spoke 24/7 I decided to tell my bf that enough was enough and he was disrespecting me by doing that. Then i learnt some words and phrases :-) he soon stopped speaking in his native language around me.

Answer 4

I didn't read all the details of your question because it's way too long, but based on the title question, my answer is yes, it is very rude. Unless he is speaking to family that doesn't speak English, but then he can still translate to keep you in the conversation. Otherwise, it is rude and you should ask him to stop. Just be mature about it. If he doesn't stop and it really bothers you, then move on. If it's not a big deal, then let it go.

Answer 5

I understand what you mean. My husbands mother language is not English and when he's around his family and friends he speaks his first language. I always feel sort of left out and I always ask him if he could please speak in English so I can be involved in the conversation. Sometimes he does, but sometimes he doesn't. It is a little rude, but I wouldn't make a big thing out of it if I were you. Good luck.

Answer 6

It's natural to speak to people in their own language. I think this is something you take very seriously. I've never heard of someone asking their own family to speak a different language to one of their own. It is always important that no one is left out of conversations but there are lots of ways of including them. We don't all have to speak the same language to communicate.

Answer 7

If you were in a crowd or group and he spoke his language only to them, then he is either rude or saying things he doesn`t want you to hear.
On the phone is a different matter. It could be that his friends do not understand English as well as he does.
Why not ask him about it?

Answer 8

Yes, I think it's very rude, indeed! My ex was from Somalia, and when he was around his friends he did the same thing. I just told him, and he'd apologise, but he'd do it again the next time. It makes you wonder if they are discussing you right under there noses, don't it? You keep talking Spanish at every opportunity and he'll soon get the message.

Answer 9

First of all ,we must all know that there are different cultures in the world and different nations .

what can be considered rude in a country ,may not be in another country

it is the first time for me in my life to know ,in another cultures ,that it may be rude that i speak in my langauge in front of some one while he doesnot speak my language

believe me ,i am sure he doesnot understand that it is rude

i am Egyptian and i speak arabic to my friends in front people who speaks English and it never came across my mind that is rude or hurt feelings ,anyhow thank you very much for letting me know this important point ,at least i will excuse before speaking arabic in front of some one who doesnot speak my language.

for your friend ,you can just let him know that in your culture ,his action may hurt feelings.i think he will change .

thanks again for enlighting me with this briiliant point

Answer 10

You're overreacting. Maybe he feels comfortable speaking in his native language with his friends and never even thought you were so sensitive that you would get upset by it. Don't worry about it.