My girlfriend is about to marry someone that gets violent when they drink. He's not going to quit drinking anytime soon and I've been there when he's "gotten out of line" - is there a way of preventing her from marrying him?? It's going to be a disaster!
2007-07-26 06:15:56 · 23 answers · asked by michelle59872 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
There isn't any way of preventing a grown person to make stupid mistakes. I'm guessing your friend has self-esteem issues if she's willing to put up with this drama and disrespect. You could approach her tactfully and maybe steer the conversation in the right direction to try and find out how she feels about the situation. Who knows, she might have her doubts, but have not been able to articulate them perhaps even to herself. Ask her something like "are you sure this behavior will not create problems in the future?" Or, "aren't you a little concerned about this or that?" Apart from that, I don't see that you can do anything at all.
2007-07-26 07:47:50 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can tell her all you want - if her mind is made up -she is not going to listen. Why oh why can't people see clearly when they are in love? I've been like that myself. All of the signs are there. This guy is dangerous to her. She doesn't realize that marriage is hard enough but to go ahead with a bad problem to start is crazy. I would tell her - but if she doesn't listen you will just have to be there later to help her pick up the pieces and I hope those are not pieces of her from a violent drinking binge. Good luck - I hope she will listen.
2007-07-26 13:27:49 · answer #2 · answered by Babycat 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The only thing to do is to talk with her about your concerns. Keep in mind she may tell you to mind your own business. Ask if this is something she's willing to put up with for the rest of her life. There's always the possibility he may never change. At the end of your conversation I would let her know that you will always be there for her no matter what. If she marries him (and she probably will) be there for her, that's what good friends do. Sometimes people have to make their own mistakes.
2007-07-26 13:40:14 · answer #3 · answered by Nikki 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The only thing you can do is tell her what the risks are. Perhaps you can take her out for dinner and talk about this. Once you've done so, you'll have to abide by her decision. If she decides to marry him, wish her well and don't mention the subject again. If the marriage turns out to be a disaster, try to be there for your friend. Best wishes.
2007-07-26 13:28:05 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can express your concerns - everyone is free to voice their opinions. However, do NOT be surprised if she tells you to take a leap -- not everyone wants to hear they're making a mistake; or perhaps she doesn't feel that the "problem" is as great as you perceive it to be (in other words, love is truly blind).
Either way, the best thing you can do for her is be there when the whole thing DOES come crashing down...and you know it will. Be a true friend, because being disillusioned about love is one of the worst feelings there is.
2007-07-26 13:22:47 · answer #5 · answered by Brutally Honest 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
if it was my best friend i'd say:
" i've known you for 20 years, i know you better than you know yourself half the time. I also know that you love this man, but i can't see you being happy married to him. If I told you that I approved this marriage, I'd be lying. I will stand by and support you in every shape and form possible, but I just need you to know that I know it's not like you to stand there and take abuse from people like this, and you're letting him do that, and marrying him gives him even more access to it. "
then i'd suggest maybe AA or something
2007-07-26 13:31:13 · answer #6 · answered by Truth Hurts Get Over It 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you talked to her about his behavior before? I think this is something that should be brought up before they're about to get married. Is the wedding in a week, a month, next April? Or are they about to get engaged? Are you close with her family, and do they know about his violent behavior?
You need to tread carefully. Women who stay with men like that are deeply in denial, and when you talk to her about it she'll most likely will just give you the same set of excuses that she's given herself.
2007-07-26 13:28:29 · answer #7 · answered by sarah_dtv 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is not much you can do but tell her you care and what you think about the situation. Then just be a friend for when she falls. People do not see the relationship as others do, when you are in the relationship you do not always want to see things as what they are.
2007-07-26 13:30:57 · answer #8 · answered by xyz 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is no good way to do this. If you really feel strongly enough that you should tell her, be prepared to possibly lose her friendship. She may not receive what you have to say, and if she goes ahead and gets married, she may no longer want to be friends with you b/c she knows of your disapproval. Make sure it's worth the risk of your friendship.
2007-07-26 13:19:30 · answer #9 · answered by burfette 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This comes from personal experience, In the back of her mind she knows its wrong to marry him , but to be honest she has to be the one to decide not to go through with it. Every single one of my friends and family told me the same thing. Didn't do a bit of good. You can try to convince her but, don't be hurt if she doesn't take your advice. I wish I would have taken their advice then but i was too hard headed i guess.
2007-07-26 13:24:20 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋