What should I do about my boyfriend's debt?

Question

I am very much in love with my boyfriend and we have been discussing moving in together, marriage, etc. However, he is over 7,000 in debt that has been accumulating from 7 years ago! He understands the consequences but gets frustrated when I talk about it with him. As a girlfriend who wants a future with him, what can I do? It makes me so angry to think that his debt becomes my debt when we are together- I dont want to ruin my credit but a future seems so far away...I want to break up with him just so he realizes how important it is to clear this up but I love him too much. HELP

Answer 1

You don't do anything about HIS debt. And really, now a days, $7,000 is not much. Why can't he pay that off? Is he just irresponsible with money? If so, that's the issue you should be concerned about.

Answer 2

Never let money get in your way of happiness. If you are truely in love with him then you can make it work. If not then fixing the debt wont make it work. I got together with a guy that was further in debt then you BF but I slowwly pulled him out. He still has debt but not as much and we keep things listed in a way that it does not effect my credit. I also take care of all the bills and check book he gets an allowence so things dont get worse. So if he wont take care of it or talk about it then just ask him to talk about the future and what he see: Will both of you work? If so will there be seperate his/hers checking accounts? If so who pays what household bills? Or will there be a third account that each will contribute to? If so will it be 50/50 or will it be 50% of the paycheck if it is 50/50 then the bills are splint and that is that. if it is 50% of the paycheck then there may be enough for the bills and more to help get out of debt or there might not even be enough for the bills. Write a list of all the bills when they are due and how much is due each month and the balance. Even though it is his debt it might be best to get a credit card or loan in your name and pay everything off to have the lower interest if the debt is from high interest cards and such. Always put a little behind for an emergancy and above all remember to spend some on fun stuff otherwise life will get to be a drag and then you end up doing impulse buying. Find ways to save money take a bus instead of driving or better yet ride a bike, Dont eat out but still have special dinners, do your own laundry dont take it to the cleaners, hand them to dry if that is an option or use less fabric softener like the sheets can be cut into 4ths to save. Try finding the book TightWad Gazzets they are great for ways to save even if you dont utilize all the ideas. If your saving then you have extra to put on that debt and once it is gone you can build for an even better future. Last resort have him claim backruptcy it is not fun and it wont help if the debt is childsupport or taxs but it can be a life saver when the life boat is sinking.

Answer 3

Well you know, these are a couple of questions to ask yourself. # 1 question is do you really love him? # 2 Are you working? If you answered yes to both questions then I believe you have a solution. If he's not making enough to cover his debt then, that's where you can step in and help. Have him to call all of his creditors and make monthly payment arrangements. You can help him with this. Help him set up a budget plan for you two so you can save money for the future, and be happily married without worrying about the struggle. I think that's the best possible solution. Now if he's unwilling to save money and stay out of debt, then I wouldn't be quick to jump into the marriage. Give him time to realize his problems with money before you get in the marriage and become financially frustrated. Good luck! And an early congratulations to you and him.

Answer 4

Debt that you have before you are married stays his debt. Debt that you amass while you are married belongs to both parties regardless of who did it.

Before you move in, take a look at his spending habits...does he spend more than he makes? Red flag! Or does he spend exactly what he makes so there is nothing left to pay off the debt he still has?
Does the $7,000 bother him? or does he just shrug it off?

Even that much debt can affect your credit score and having it for that long is a big deal. This will affect your future debt together if you buy a new car, house etc. If means you won't get as good an interest rate and will actually pay more than you should.

Also, Finances is the leading cause of divorce in the USA. Remember that. If he doesn't want to deal with it, then don't think about marrying. Save yourself the heartache and money!

If he does want to pay it off then the only thing you can do is sit down with him, work out a budget and figure out how much he can put towards it each month. whatever you do, DO NOT HELP HIM PAY IT OFF! If you work out a budget and cut down spending in some areas, then the best thing you can do is help him stick to it. This will require making sacrifices on both your parts because it might mean you don't eat out as much or he doesn't buy you those diamond earing for Valentines Day or your birthday, etc. You will be able to find other ways to spending time together and show eachother than you love eachother without the expensive gifts or meals out.

Also, since you feel so strongly about this, make sure you tell him very clearly how you feel. Be honest and straight forward. Something along these lines:

Finances are very important to me and being out of debt is too. When I see you don't want to deal with the debt or still arn't able to make simple sacrifices and put more money towards it, it scares me. I really do love you, but I am very afraid of risking moving in with your and marrying you if this is going to be a continual problem. This will be my breaking point right here because when you don't take responsibility for this I am wondering what else you arn't taking responsibility for now, and in the future, and that scares me. I want to help you be responsible by making a budget and cutting out some of your extra expenses that we don't need...

You get the idea. Whatever you do don't use the phrase "if you loved me you would pay it off" or anything like that, because if he loves you and sees how this is hurting you, it will get done. That only nags him adn will make him shut down.

If you do make our a budget and start working on it, your part in this will be to make sure you NEVER complain about the stuff you all had to give up so he could get the debt paid off. That puts him between a rock and a hard place and he will have to choose between satisfying you or paying off his debt. When you are old and married and making more $ and OUT OF DEBT you can enjoy more of the luxuries of life, but for now, suck it up, deal with it, and figure out other ways to be romantic and have fun.
Good luck

Answer 5

$7000 isn't very much debt. He can conquer this. I'll bet he's one of those people who keeps thinking the solution has to be big and can solve all of his problems at once. Well, he needs realize that it's not a big solution he needs, it's the little measured steps that pay off debts.

If it's a credit card debt, he either has to work with them or he has to take the debt to a friendlier loaner. I once had a dispute over a sneaky $3 fee that they had snuck onto a statement where I had paid the balance off completely. Before I knew it, my $3 had escalated up to $150 with late fees. The good side of credit card companies is they that will work with you if you TALK to them. I called and the nice lady waived all those fees and even lowered my interest rate. If they won't work with you, then rip the debt from their clutches and tell them you're doing it and why.

If you help him, make sure you don't sign anything! Ever! Period! And ask him if he wants help before you do anything. Don't cultivate dependence! Cultivating dependence won't solve this problem from the inside out. It will make things much worse.

Answer 6

Gurl you better wake up and recognize. There is nothing you can do about his debt. IT IS HIS DEBT AND NOT YOURS. If you pay off his debt, he will dump you, and you will not see a penny of your money. If he is in debt he doesn't need to be married, that creates more debt and frustration, the only thing you can do is be patient with him. I don't care how much you love him you would be making a HUGE MISTAKE PAYING OFF HIS DEBT. Because again he is not going to pay you back, and you will find yourself in a civil court suing him. I would rather have a future that seems far away then to get myself in debt and have ruined credit. I don't love anyone that much to be with him when he doesn't want to clear up his debt. He doesn't need help you are the one who needs the help, read the other responses as well. DITCH HIM.

Answer 7

Depends what $7,000 was for.
You sound very wise, mature, and finacially responsible. $7,000 is not unheard of for education loans etc that will improve his future earning then it was wise investment in himself. Or a car loan to get back and forth to work then it is a necessary expense. Although you do not have to buy new-it depreciates as soon as itis driven off lot. Some debit is good debit.

If he was buying fun toys/material possessions then I would be concerned about his spending habits. Or it he bought something for 1000 and never paid raising loan to 7,000 I would be more concerned. I would not break off relationship if you love him. If he is willing to set aside a budget and payment strategies and he is not a spend thrift. Tell him no marriage/joint buying house etc until his credit gets in order. The lower his credit is the better credit you'll both have to ensure future loan. Use this as motivator. Then both of you focus on how to get this debt down no major trips etc use $ for debit. Once married keep seperate money and credit cards. Some people do one joint acct for mortgage/groceries (joint expenses) and seperate for self purchase,clothes, gifts.

Suze Ormon is great financial writer for gals to read up on. And can help you tell is this a bump in a road or deal breaker of incompatiabiliy in your relationship
Good luck.

Answer 8

Tell him that either he lets you handle the finances - you pay the bills and you each get an allowance and the rest goes to savings. Or you live separately and look at other options, dating, etc.
If he squawks at that, tell him a counselor can help educate him about good financial habits but you're not going forward as things are. He may have some mild form of ADD or hate math or just think money grows on trees. Doesn't matter which, the problem is not going to go away.

Answer 9

Newer start a relationship with debt!! It will be a disaster. If he is a man he will pay it off and have some money in reserve before you move in together. If in the past 7 years he was not able to live debt free your decision to leave him is the best or you will wind up supporting him. You can't live on love alone. Good Luck

Answer 10

Well now if the shoe was on the other foot would you want him to break up with you over it. My god girl it is money you can't take it with you! well maybe you should have more support about this matter this is a very serious matter. If you love him like you say you wont let this get in the way 7,000 is not much and yes needs to be taking care of. even if it is 10.00 a month just work with him not against him

Answer 11

Be strong, dump him. He doesn't know how to handle money. A real man knows how to handle money. A real woman does too, and you sound like a real woman. A real woman needs a real man. This guy is a loser and you will forever have worry about if the bills are getting paid and what else has he spent money on. By the mere fact that he doesn't like talking about it just shows he has a huge problem. If he only admitted to $7k of debt, chances are great he has even more debt you don't know about!
You are smart that you found this out now and are deeply concerned as you should be. You don't need to take on his problems, you don't need to fix him, you don't need to put up with this, you need to move on and find someone who is worthy of you being a real woman! Because he isn't a real man!