Is it worth sticking around for?

Question

I am 21 years old and I have been married for almost 3 years. I got married before I've even finished high school. I married my husband only after 7 months of dating him. I know now that it was a mistake to get married. I got married because I wanted a family that I never had, and because I was competing with his ex girlfriend, and because he told me that he was kill himself if i ever left him. My husband can be sweet sometimes, but other times can be mean. Some examples are:

he's physically hurt me before.
He's told me he wanted our baby to die when i was pregnant
he told me that he wasn't going to take care of our baby
he made a single's web page when I was pregnant
he told me that he could do whatever he wants because he makes the money
He's threatened to tie me up and put me in the closet
he's punched several holes in the walls
etc.

Also done nice things:
he takes care of all the bills while i go to school
he compliments me
he helps in the house
what should i do?

Answer 1

It sounds like he needs to go get some mental help......Try some couples counseling

Answer 2

I am going to tell you this from the professional point of view and then the "my" point of view...
Professionally: It is the case of... if I can't have you no-one will. Etc times 3. I feel that you have had a loss, this being that you may have been pregnant when you first got together and that is why you were married however you miscarried the baby? He knows how much you need him: he is using that to his advantage. I am thinking that (although I really don't want to say this) but he wasn't happy about being married or having a child and that he is acting out to you by being abusive because he blames you for this. He is NOT complimenting you when he tells you he wanted your baby to die. His is not helping you when he tells you the only thing around the house he wants to do is tie you up and put you in the closet. He is not helping you when you have to clean up the mess from the holes in the walls or when he pays the bills when you are at school, that is domination.
"My" view: Unfortunately, I have been in a similar situation to you and no matter how many people I have counselled, I could never put it to practise in my relationship. The truth is, I have seen people in our situation worse and better than us but the breaking point is when something actually happens like loosing a baby or ending up in hospital. You are young. Learn from your mistakes and move on otherwise the mistakes might be the last thing you learn.
Please leave... I am seriously worried about you and I know when things start to spiral out of control. Contact me through the Yahoo Answers if you need.

Answer 3

Are you Crazy,. You need to get of there. the man has threaten you baby. Ima give you a senario:
What if one day he gets mad hurts you and hes still not satisfied then gose after your child. A child can not fight back but you can. Stand up for yourself and more importantly for your child. No one deserves to be abused. You can pay your own bills and take care of your child and go to school. Dont bring an innocent gift into that kind of relationship. Im telling you this cause I have been there by myself and it only gets worse. Leave and no matter what he says or do keep your child away. Call the police. I know cause I was in an abusive relationship don't put yourself through anymore pain. It will stay with you forever. Get out before you die inside and have nothing left. Im being honest a true. Please leave if not for you for you baby.

forget counseling LEAVE.

YOUR LIFE AD YOUR CHILD LIFE IS NOT WORTH IT.

Answer 4

Love isn't a checklist sweetie. Only you can say if this is your one true love. It's not just about the things he does or doesn't do - do you truly love him? Do you feel that he truly love you? It sounds like he does some very mean things so I'm not sure if he truly loves you. Saying he would kill himself if you ever left is emotional blackmail. So is telling you that you can't leave because he makes all the money. You want to be with someone who loves you and treats you well just because - not in order to gain leverage so they can hold it against you. It sounds like you got married at a very young age when you really didn't know what you were doing. I'm not sure why some young people are in such a hurry to get married and have children when they are still children themselves. But no matter - it's done and now you have to deal w/ the consequences. I'd say leave him.

Answer 5

Oh girl.... I am so sorry you are in this!! Did you notice first of all you did not list love aas a reason to marry this guy!!
Ok, I have been in the exact same situation myself...married at 17, babies and alot of abuse. It is so easy to see now it being a third persons point of view. You have got to get out!!
There will never be any change in your husband no matter what you do or how long you wait. You can not image how happy you COULD be if you had some controle over your own life. He makes these threats knowing they work, but to scarey to call his bluff....i know.
I had it easy tho....my husband put himslef in the hospital and thats how I was able to get out, but you have got to find your own safe way to get out....talk to your family or friends and come up with a plan to set your path to freedom!!
I promise it will be the best thing for you and your babies after its all said and done!!

Answer 6

Sweety, get your important documents, when he isn't home walk somewhere you can make a phone call and call a domestic violence hot-line NOW! you are setting yourself and your child up for a horrible life if you live past what will be coming up. You deserve better you are worth more than this life. I know because I've been there. You are capable of being loved by someone that RESPECTS, LOVE, HONORS, CARES, AND WORKS HARD TO RECEIVE YOUR LOVE AND RESPECT. You made a mistake no problem, learn from it. Move forward. You are a strong, beautiful, worthy individual and you will succeed but you must get away from him. Please, you have no future in this type of relationship. Get out of it your life and your child's life depend on it. My prayers are with you.

Answer 7

What should you do???

You are living in an abusive relationship. The bad out ways the good no matter what. You need to leave that relationship and take care of you and your child. You got married to young and you don't know the meaning of a healthy relationship. What you are in is wrong on so many levels.

Answer 8

Sorry to say, but the nice things do not out weigh the bad. :(

You need to tell him that he needs to work on those bad points in order for this marriage to stay together. But if you've ever told him this before then he might not believe you.
Then you should try separating for a little while.
Alot of times losing what you had makes you realize how much you loved, what in fact, you did have.

As long as he's willing to get help with his anger control problems, there's hope that the marriage will get better.
There's help out there for him, it's just a matter of will he go for the help.
But if he's not willing to get any help for it, then nothing is going to change. And this is not a safe or loving relationship for your daughter (or you) to grow up in.

He might be taking for granted that you will always be there, you might have to prove him wrong.

We (parents) have to do our job as parents, and that is:
To keep our children safe
To keep our children healthy
To teach our children right from wrong
To prepare them for the real world.
That is what you have to put first and foremost is your job as a Mother.

Good luck to you
I wish you and your daughter well
But, please, keep her safe.

Answer 9

Ouch! Girl I hope you have some good girlfriends to turn too. It sounds like he needs counseling and learn how to properly treat you. Marring young means you have to do a lot of growing together (not just in the relationship but in life), and that places a lot of stress on each of you.
Don't let yourself get stuck and abused anymore than you have, seek wise council and if it can be saved great, work toward it. If not get out before it is too late, your still very young and have a lot of life to live.
Wish you the best!

Answer 10

I'm sorry to be blunt here but he doesn't sound mentally stable. Get yourself and your child away from him. Yes you made a big mistake marrying him, but everyone is allowed a few of those. Have some respect for yourself and your baby and leave him. I wouldn't let my child near anyone who sounds that violent. Take a step back and read what you just wrote and then have a long hard think.

GOOD LUCK!

Answer 11

No honey it is simply futile to stick around with a man like your husband.Leave him at once, and pick up a job to support you and your baby, thus gifting a nice future to your child, making him/her more secure and hence stopping him/her from committing the same mistake you made at such a tender age. Best Of luck and god bless you