How important should sex be in a relationship?

Question

I am a 32yr old female who is in the process of getting a divorce. I was really sexually unsatified. i have been dating the same guy for the past 4 yrs even before my separation. i have recently found out that he has alot of issues but the sex is excellent. Should i look over his issues for my own selfish reasons. I have no trust for my sex buddy but the sex is good. Am i wrong for wanting him just for sex

Answer 1

I think sex is incredibly important.... but equally so are Love, respect, trust, honesty, and communication.

I personally would hold out for the entire package... but enjoy the goodies while you're getting them

Answer 2

Human beings and dolphins are the only mammals that have sex for the pleasure of it. All others use it for dominance and procreation. I think you are looking for that "loving" feeling through sex because the feeling is so intense. If you found someone that made you have the feeling without the physical part you may be much happier in the long run. You may be leaving one bad experience into another bad experience and will not be happy emotionally and mentally and only in the physical sense. Regroup your thoughts on what an ideal companion would be for you. Sex can not be on your list. What kind of person really inspires you or mentally challeges you and not physically and emotionally drains you. Most women look at sex as an emotional and mental turn on first prior to being "turned on" physically. Maybe you should look for that type of person first then decide if sex is worth marrying for and staying in another relationship that may leave you unhappy and drained again. Don't get me wrong, sex is a great part of a relationship, a physical way to show how much you love someone and expressing that deep unspeakable connection, but what do you do when your not having sex. Is it just as stimulating or is it the only way you actually believe you can express love or that you care for them or do you use it as a way to stay attached and fear the rejection because you think you have nothing else to offer.
You are just as important as the other person and do not use sex as your only reason for this relationship. Remember, what issues he has right now will end up being your issues when you try to make the relationship permanent then you will be right back where you left the other one.
Using him as a sex buddy is ok if he understands that is what it is, just sex and nothing more. But, since you have been with him for a long time I would make sure he is not getting attached or beleives you will always be there when he wants you. It would be best if you had several dates with others with him not around to see how he reacts. If he seems upset or agitated and yet tells you he understands it's just sex then he is attached and it might be a good idea to break it off. Good luck in your new life.

Answer 3

I agree with the first person that answered your question. There are so many things wrong with you and this question that I don't even know where to start.

1. You should never involve yourself with someone you only want for sex because sex can get you in a lot of trouble (pregnancy, STD'S, AIDS, etc.). Sex should not be the most important thing to you because it's nothing but a physical thing. There is no humanly emotion attached to it when you use it in the manner you are using it for. That is not the intended purpose of having sex.

2. You cheated on your husband just because you didn't like his sex. That's pathetic. When you said your vows to that man, I'm sure you did not promise to marry him just for the sex. You don't deserve to be married because you obviously don't know the true meaning of it.

3. When you do bad things like what you are doing, they are sure to come back on you. Everything you receive in life is something that you are going to deserve (that goes for everyone, not just you).

I choose not to discuss this any further because if you are grown then you should know better. Do the right thing.

Answer 4

If he has some deep issues, it may not be a good idea to get involved beyond sex, if you were thinking of marriage in the future. If you don't trust him past the bedroom, how can you imagine a serious relationship would be any better? He'd have to really step up, and fly straight and right to get to the next stage. He may even have worse, hidden issues than he has let on about. You need to probe him and make him fess up if you want more from him.

Answer 5

Sex is important, but it is not everything. You can not build a long term relationship on sex alone, but sex alone can destroy a marriage. It obviously destroyed yours. Which goes back to my point, it is important, but not everything. As long as you both know that the relationship that you are currently in is strictly for the sex, then I guess you can continue to be with him, but eventually there is going to be pain. You can not be with someone for four years, and neither of you walk away without some hurt. Also, staying with him for just sex prohibits you from looking for someone that possesses the entire package.

Answer 6

So you cheated on your husband with the now boyfriend and he basically is only good for sex? Sure you've already proven that all that matters to you is fulfilling your own selfish desires...you've ignored his "issues" this long...just keep doing what you're doing but don't be surprised when you keep getting the same result!

Answer 7

No, it's not wrong. You're a 32 year old woman who's going through a divorce. You've learned and experienced enough to know what you want, and more importantly, what you DON'T want. If this guy satisfies you, and that's all you want him for, there's nothing wrong with that, but you do need to be upfront and tell him. Leading him on will cause problems for you, and right now, it's all about you...and I really mean that. You've been through enough, and your BS tolerance should be zero!

Answer 8

It varies in relationships. In mine its importance is an 8 on a scale of 1 to 5.

Answer 9

To answer your question Sex can make or break a relationship so yes its very important. However if your satisfied in that dept and not others I would take a step back and find someone who has all the right qualities combined. There are guys out there who can please you in every way.

Answer 10

I think sex should be as important as the couple wants to make it. Because of a traumatic experience I had at 15-16 years old it is hard for me to be inimate and my husband understands this. we put more weight into the love we share...sex is fine when we do have it, but it doesn't define our realtionship; and truthfully I don't think it should define any marriage or relationship.