Did you have second thoughts before you said "I do"?

Answer 1

Yes. And I waited until I was more sure. (told him rather bluntly the first time he seemed to be hinting about it "Please don't ask, I know I'm not ready to even think about marriage")

See, I had been engaged to another guy for nearly a year and was absolutely devastated when he changed his mind. BUT, that turned out to be the BEST thing that ever happened to me. After him calling off our engagement, he began trying to control me, was verbally/emotionally abusive, even began stalking me. I know through a friend whose brother still knows him that he has now married someone else and treats her horribly. It scares me that had he not called it off, I would have married that guy without second thoughts.

So, when I started dating the guy who is now my husband, I knew I had a lot of thinking and working on ME and who I was and what I wanted before I even considered a forever committment with someone else.
Guess what? He waited til I was ready. In fact, after being diagnosed with depression, I even took a year "off" and moved almost an hour away from him and from my family (2 nearby towns) to work on making my own decisions and getting back to my "normal" self. After making some new friends and dating several other guys, I called and asked if we could kind of start over. Not quite a year after that, I bought a ring and asked HIM to marry me.

Then we went to a weekend retreat called Engaged Encounter that helps you to really look at what is important to each of you, and what kinds of things it takes to make a marriage work. Most of all, it gives you communication skills that will be very helpful. (You mainly communicate with each other and for yourself in writing, and only occasionally share what you want with the group.) Some couples decide they should not get married (we know one couple who remained friends and are now each happily married to other people). One guy from our retreat actually left, leaving his fiance there with no car. Talk about Heartbreaking! But I bet now she's glad they went. I think most couples do go ahead with their engagement/marriage. I know I felt a lot more confident after our weekend.
**We have been married now for 14 years.**

Here are some thoughts you might find helpful:
--Marriage is not easy, no matter who you marry.
--There is NOT one magically "right" person that you either grab immediately or remain single forever. The magic is in the committment and the intentional work that goes into loving each other. Choosing who to marry should include a lot more than how you *feel* about each other. See the URLs below.
-- Anything that is hard to talk about now will NOT be easier to talk about later.
-- As difficult as it is to delay an engagement (or to break one off), it is tons easier than the confrontations, compromises, and decisions you will face IN a marriage.
-- HAVING second thoughts is not a bad sign - ignoring them is.
IF you do have any second thoughts, you should really examine them. This is quite likely the biggest decision you will ever make; shouldn't you put a whole lot of thought into it? (Who knows, maybe, you will find he has some doubts or worries, too, and you will both feel better for having been honest about them.)
-- Whether you decide to get married or to not,
if you make the decision for good reasons,
you will not be sorry a year from now.

Answer 2

No, I never questioned or even gave it a second thought from the moment I said "yes" to his proposal. At the same time, I did have the worries like "am I going to fall walking down the aisle?". I really feared that. I also wondered how my flower girls (ages 1, 2, 2,3, & 7) would react because four of them were so young and there would be a bunch of people there. But, like I said, as far as second thoughts towards marrying my husband, I didn't have any. I knew from the moment I started loving him that marrying him would be one of the best decisions I could make. If you're having second thoughts (and not cold feet) you better think it through and see what the source is. If you're feeling insecure don't make what could be one of the biggest mistakes of your life. Love and marriage is a great thing if it's with the right person.

Answer 3

Yes I did.. Because I was 21 and I was scared because he has been married before.. but when the day comes and you realize what is going to happen you know in your heart that it is meant to be and when you are walking down the isle no one else matters but you and your future husband... I was very nervous and I think that it is okay to have second thoughts but it is also known as cold feet.. it is very normal and its okay to feel like that.. it willl all work out fine and something WILL go wrong but that is normal too so live that day like there is no tomorrow and make memories that will last a lifetime.. good luck and i wish you the best...

Answer 4

I think it depends on the person, some can never second guess and go ahead full steam, others like to analyze everything. I seem to be the one that always looks back and see if I made the right choice, mostly to learn from it. Yes, I definitely had second thoughts and often (after 20 years) still do, but life is like that.

Answer 5

Not with my husband now, but I have with my first one. I knew it was a mistake, but I felt that since he treated me so well and I felt he loved me I could actually learn to love him. I was just looking for a settled down man who wanted a family as I did. When you have second thoughts-go with them. This was a big kick in the a--for me.....When my preacher had said, "Do you Steve-take Ericka to blah blah blah. Well, Steve was the guy I really loved and the person I was marrying-his name was Keith. The preacher had no idea why he said Steve-he didn't even know him. So, I was still stupid enough to stand there and finish the marriage. Wrong thing to do when you have second thoughts.....

Answer 6

Yes.

I think nearly everyone has some second thoughts, going into such a big decision that's so life-altering. I'd be scared of marrying the person who DIDN'T have SOME second thoughts.

Answer 7

Nope I knew I was living in sin because we were living together and already had 3 kids, we had already lived together for 7 years as man and wife. I was definately ready to say those 3 little words and the most important words of my life. And have now been marired 9 yrs and happy
As his gradmother said, "If she's good enough to make babies with and play house, she's good enough to marry." I'm just glad that she was still alive when we did make it official.

Answer 8

I did in my first marriage. I remember thinking well if this doesn't work there is always divorce. With my husband now I never had second thoughts. Even though we have had problems I still have not had doubts. If he is truly right for you there will be no doubts.

Answer 9

Nope. I never questioned if getting married was right for me/us. I knew he was the perfect man for me and that what we were doing was right and I still feel that way today - we've been married 6 1/2 years.

Answer 10

I think everyone gets the gitters or coldfeet. It's totally normal. Just try to remember why you got engaged int he first place and how much you love your future hubby and all your worries will disappear.

However, if your seriously unsure don't marry him!!