I received a letter from the mistress stating the affair was over with my husband. It gave specific dates she was in my home while I was traveling out of town. Yes, the dates indeed matched when I checked my calendar. Of course, I plan to confront him and I'm prepared for his excuses.
How should I handle this so my husband doesn't make this out to be something it's not? Clearly this is a HUGE deal!
2007-07-26 03:37:22 · 16 answers · asked by Perplexed 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Make a copy of the letter and hand it to him. Don't say anything. Let him read it and then wait for his reaction. Let him say what he has to say and base your actions on that.
From the letter you know it is what it is. The proof is there in the dates. He can't change that by making lame excuses and reasons.
2007-07-26 03:47:29 · answer #1 · answered by Hokie_Pokey 5 · 2⤊ 4⤋
First of all, who is this woman? Do you know her? Is she someone who would know when you were traveling in a more innocent way?
I do not know your husband! I do know that there are some women out there who will do strange things, especially if they feel rejected. The letter sent to you was an attempt to hurt him, and break up your marriage!
It could be that he was having an affair, and broke it off. If so, she is feeling hurt and wants to hurt him! It could be that she wants to have an affair with him, and he turned her down. Some women take rejection poorly. If she invited him to sleep with her, and he said no because he was married, she may have devised a plan to break up the marriage (or so she thinks). The person sending the letter may not even have signed her own name!
If it is someone he works with, it is likely that your travel schedule could be known. You husband could have let people know that you were out of town, just in conversation. He may change his routine when you are out of town in such a way that someone could figure it out easily. When you are traveling, he may stop on the way home from work at a local restaurant/ bar. If his co-workers stop for a drink after work, he may only join them when you are on the road. When you are home, he may want to go home to you!
There are so many different situations that could explain that letter that I can not list them all. In one case, he could be guilty. In others, he could be falsely accused!
Before you go into a confrontational mode, try talking to him. Others here have you hiring lawyers, and kicking him out. They have already decided that he is guilty, without any other proof than a letter that may or not be true! Show him the letter. You should be able to tell from his reaction if he was cheating!
You then have to decide if you want to work it out, or split. I can not tell you what to do. I can tell you that if you have him tried, convicted, and executed in your own mind before you know all the facts, you will end up divorced!
Good luck!
2007-07-26 11:30:20 · answer #2 · answered by fire4511 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Why do you want to confront him? He is going to give excuses, and more excuses and then some lies. You know that. Do you really think you should give him the chance to open his lying mouth? If i were you, i'd start looking for the meanest lawyer in town, take the letter (make a copy and store it in a safe place) and start preparing divorce papers.
Look, he cheated on you, which basically means he was laughing at you the whole time. If he had been man enough to accept his mistake and try to mend things maybe (big maybe) you could give him the chance to give his reasons, but not this scumbag. It's time for you to laugh at him. Get all the papers in order, and serve him!
2007-07-26 10:49:30 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 3⤋
If I were you I would not only confront him but the mistress if at all possible too see what each of them had to say . a letter with dates in which you were out of town only prove that she knew that you were out of town it doesn't necessarily mean she had an on going affair with your husband if pictures were included in the letter then yes I would say you had more then enough proof of what had went on with the two of them. be sure to have solid proof before you react in any manor
2007-07-26 11:10:14 · answer #4 · answered by wildone 3 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Woman to woman I understand the frustration. If you decide to divorce or if you decide to forgive, well you will have to forgive anyway, divorce or not, but remember, the mistress contacted you. Don't forget her angle is to hurt him, make sure she is not playing games with your marriage.over stating things, and events. Trust me I have seen some clever schemes pulled off by a jealous, hurt, lonely woman.
2007-07-26 10:55:03 · answer #5 · answered by Tamm 4 · 4⤊ 1⤋
If I got something like this my wife would come home to all of her things on the lawn and all of the locks and the garage door opener code changed.
I would make 100 photocopies of the letter and have them tucked into her things all over the place.
Not too subtle, but effective.
2007-07-26 10:46:59 · answer #6 · answered by Zaferus 6 · 7⤊ 2⤋
I would take the letter to a lawyer and then make some copies to send to his family. So that when his family asks why he can't say it was because of something you did.
2007-07-26 10:49:22 · answer #7 · answered by Kristal E 6 · 1⤊ 3⤋
That is messed up big time. I would leave the letter in plain sight so when he comes home that is the first thing he sees. Then his stomach will drop and you have him by the bal**. Seriously leave him it's not worth it.
2007-07-26 11:03:47 · answer #8 · answered by Amanda 2 · 0⤊ 3⤋
anything that happens got its reasons.
if she simply wrote that letter, there r 2 options:
1. she wants u to kick your husband, becoz now she hates him (he wanted to end relations) and this is her revenge
2. she wants u to kick your husband, coz they both planing to go on together, and now they signaling u their decision.
these 2 options leads to the answer:
a. better not to confront him, and leave this job to your atterney.
b. save your energy to the phases after separation
2007-07-26 11:11:08 · answer #9 · answered by Eye 1 · 0⤊ 3⤋
The Whore is trying to ruin your marriage!!!! The question is do you want to let her win? http://psychologytoday.com/articles/index.php?term=pto-19930501-000027&page=2
read this it may help.
2007-07-27 01:42:45 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋