My husband wants me to put my sister out tomorrow!?

Question

My sister has been living with my husband and I for the last month and a half, the circumstances as to why my family put her out makes us all a little sick but my husband is livid, she stole something VERY valuable from another family member, In addition to her bringing her boyfriend over everyday (my husband considers him a shady character), my husband is seriously uncomfortable with her life style.
I am really really sick over this situation, I have paid for her to rcv updtes from an Apartment Search, I've looked for places on my own for her, She says the problem is that she has bad credit and all of the apartments she is interested in perform credit cks, & my husband forbids me to put the place in my name fearing our credit being ruined. Don't know what to do, she's my baby sister, but my husband doesnt care!

A Playful kitty
developing ulcers!

Thank you for your responses
I have a solution based on several of your answers.

Answer 1

Does she have anywhere else that she can go? If not, then I would ask your husband if she cannot have at least another month or so. She is your sister after all! Tell her that as long as she is staying with you, she will need to follow the rules you lay out for her. She is not to have her boyfriend or any other friends over to the house. If she is using drugs or drinking....tell her that will not be allowed either. Inform her that she has one month left to find her own place. If she breaks the rules she will be out immediately! Either way, she will have to move out within a month. If she cannot get an apartment with her credit, she can search for someone to room with on roommates.com. I would not put an apartment for her in my name. She has shown no responsibility with her own credit and would probably ruin yours as well. Tell your husband that you will inform her of all of this and that you would appreciate it if he allowed her to stay with you for just a bit longer as long as she follows the house rules.

Answer 2

Lets look at this a moment. You have already stated that she stole something that was very valuable from family. Also that your husband thinks of her boyfriend as a "shady character." from the sounds of it, she is wanting an apartment outside of her means.
Now ask yourself these questions: Do I want lil sis to stay, creating even more livid problems with the hubby? Do I want to risk something "valuable missing by her or the boyfriend?
Do I want to let lil sis go on continuing this way or should I force her to learn how to make it on her own?
Your husband is correct. Seeing how she has sticky fingers already and has bad credit, you do not want your name on anything that she rents. Nor do you want anything missing from your home. Just simply tell her that if nothing else, she needs to get a room mate. Does the boyfriend work or is he another user? Your sisters predicament is of her own doing and should be straightened out by her. This is the only way that she will learn anything. I know that it will be hard for you, but in the long run she should be thanking you for it. It's called life and sooner or later everyone learns how to live it. Just my opinion.

Answer 3

Please read this carefully, and I'm not trying to insult you, but please just see.

There are a few things going on here. I am frankly glad you provided so much info. To me, the answer is crystal clear.

Seriously, don't rescue her, anymore. Read that again, I am not kidding. You are now her surrogate parent, to her bad little baby sister behavior, no matter how old you both are.

You are allowing her to continue bad behavior, reinforcing that she can do whatever she likes, little to no consequences.
She needs to grow up, and face consequences, and stop being a teenager, because she is now in the big leagues of separating from family. that means adult behavior, adult consequences.

Your family threw her out for a reason. you know the reason. you did not deny it, so the reason is valid. you choose to ignore the reason, because you hope she'll wake up and improve.

While you clean up after her, cover for her, and play mommy to her, she'll never grow up.

Your husband is right. Sorry, it is the truth. Over time, it will cause a rift between you and him. He is trying to protect you.. Emotionally, financially from her strategy. He agreed to marry you, to love honor, cherish and protect you. even from your own family.

Look at it.. carefully. from her angle. She's now a thief, hanging out with shady guys. you are doing all of this work looking for her, paying for updates, when she makes up excuses. She sounds like a manipulator and she'll ride the gravy train while you willingly give it coal.

She needs to get and keep a good paying job, and move out, or have the boyfriend pay for her apartment.

Your husband cares, but he cares about you, and your marriage. He married you, not your sister. Try rescuing your marriage first, or else your sister will turn the screws, and you'll be fighting with him, before you know it.

Give her till the first to get out of the place.

She says "it's not enough time..." say, "You have had two months, you figure it out, and make a plan, because I am done rescuing you"

"But you are my sister!"
"Yeah, and i have a husband, and a life, and you are living off of me like a parasite. how dare you."

Tough love. Be tough. I had a buddy like this, a really good friend, he got divorced, moved into my place for "A week or two, till I find a new place." A week later he got fired.

Time passed.

Six months later, he's still got no job, no effort to find one, I bought him clothes to look for work. He sat on my couch "to depressed to look for work" scratching his butt, burping, half naked.

A month after that we went to a job interview, him reluctant to go. In a nice place, pleasant work, cool people, He said "oh, man, no way i can work here." We walked out.

3 days later, I gave him 200.00 in an envelope, said you are moving today, now. Pack your stuff. Here's some money. You are not my kid, dude, man up, and save face.

He left, never heard from him again. I was out total about 3,000, all said and done.

Be tough, or she'll suck you dry. I wouldn't have been so harsh, but the thievery from family proves it. If she's willing to steal from FAMILY she has Zero, none no conscience.

If all the above fails, ask yourself. If it was a total stranger no family, what would you do? then do that, because then that stranger would not be able to use "Family ties / guilt" to game you.

good luck.

Answer 4

Your husband is 100% right. You are married now and must always consider your husbands opinion (as long as they are logical) over all else.

Your sister is taking advantage of you and your generosity. There are homeless shelters she can go to. Just tell her she needs to move. Maybe give her 2-3 days instead of immediately. She needs to stand on her own 2 feet.

Tell her she needs to visit her boyfriend elewhere for the remainder of her stay with you. If she is bringing him over while your away tell her she has to leave when you and your husband leave and lock up the house securly.

This will be very hard but she needs to support herself.

Answer 5

Well, you could do one of 2 things from what I can see:

1. 'nudge' her out by laying down a few 'house rules' including no boyfriend over past 10 pm (or no boyfriend in the house period), no coming in past midnight, participating in her share of house chores, contributing to the food, utilities and mortgage payments, etc. This may help to 'moviate' her to help herself as it sounds like you're the only one doing any work for her.

2. Sit her down and tell her that you love her very much, but until she gets grounded she can't be living in your house and she has 2 days to find a place to live.

Either way, time to take your life back! I'd personally go with #1 as it will be her idea to leave.

Answer 6

Many why you can help your sister, but your sister has to help her self, housing is always up for people and they don't care about her credit and that way she could get back on her feet and you would not be putting you and your husband marriage in hard times.

If she has stolen she may with you also and that would not be cool but as a sister yes you should help but your sister has to stand up to the plate and help herself out, and stop thinking your going to fix all her mistakes,

HOUSING can help and no cost to her or maybe not even her, depends on how much she makes . she will get other help also, and then learn to stand on her own to feet, and your feel better in the long run, and don't put anything in your name i did that and it will bit you in the butt every time, you will have to pay it for her , and they wont care,

hope it works out for you, have a great day :))))

Answer 7

it's her choice, just be supportive. That's all you can do and that would be the most helpful. And telling your parents? She's 25! Gosh...it's not your business to tell them at all. Considering the history you gave, maybe it's not a bad idea. I can understand her reasoning with stuff like the guy being a drug user. Leave her alone, it's stressful enough for her, do you think you making her angry and crying is good? Harriet

Answer 8

3 options,

1.) Let her stay and continue her lifestyle
2.) Let her stay with a contract written by your husband including guest/behavior/chores/etc.... With a weekly review. If there is a breech, she has to leave immediately.
3.) Kick her out now

If she is over 18 she should have no problem getting her act together. If you keep being a softy she will walk all over you! Don't let her ruin your marriage.

Answer 9

husband put sister tomorrow

Answer 10

Get rid of her! Seems like you're trying harder to find a place than she is.She has bad credit for a reason. Does she even pay to stay with you? No one likes a freeloading thief. She needs to learn responsibilty the hard way. Give her the boot!!