What else can I do to prove that my family means everything to me?

Question

Please read my previous questions to understand my situation I am in. For this past week I have changed so much for my family. I know things cannot be solved in a couple of days, but being in a family that you know that someone who used to love you so much sudden ignore you really hurts... I have taken to the next step and seek marriage counselling, in fact tonight is our marriage counselling appointment. For this past days I have spent so much time with my son more than usual. I really love spending time with him. He is everything to me. The only problem I have now is to have my wife with me again. I thought sending her chocolate strawberries would cheer her up at work because this week is very hected for her. It hurts when she didn't even taste any of the treats. I really don't want to leave my wife, but I feel like she doesn't want me around. I feel like she doesn't want to share her life with me anymore. What should I do...? :(

For of you that are curious about me if I did cheat on her. The answer is no. I have never cheated on her. I thought about it but I cannot because I love her so much.

Answer 1

How did it get to this point? You are right. You cannot change over night and the counseling will help. But there seems to be some info missing. What happened in your marriage to get you to this point? Did you turn away from your family? Did she?

Answer 2

Hang on and put the time in because there's no way around how much divorce sucks when you have kids. What you've done for the last two days needs to continue for years.

If you go to the marriage counseler listen to what he says. Be prepared to open all the way up, or it's not going to do any good. It might not anyway, but if you don't give it your all you'll regret it.

Don't be Defensive at the counsellors office, but do talk. If he discusses a problem, then consider it openly, and think about changing.

I'll tell you true, though it's deceitful, if your kid is between 1-4 then things will get so much easier in a few years that it won't seem like the same life. Even if you don't mean it, surely you can fake it for a few years and then go back to your ways when things are easier all around.

If you get divorced you'll have the same, or even more problems at home and you'll have half the money. If money isn't a problem then consider someone else entering your life and tucking the kids into bed.

Do whatever it takes to really change. Work 16 hours a day doing whatever it takes with no thought to yourself. It's worth it if it even delays the time when you have to go through divorce with a kid.

Answer 3

I hear you big guy.
We've been married a long time and you describe the first kid syndrome to a tee.

Your questions sound like the classic wife becomes Mom and is no longer a wife thing.

The first kid seems to cause women to throw all of their emotional energy into being a mother. Guess what, no sex with mom. I don't blame you for going into the garage.
The cure to your issue is not spend more time with an infant.
This is truth, guys accept children much more when they walk and talk. Soon your son will have benefit of most of your free time with, Scouts,soccer,baseball or any one of a number of youth diversions. That is the time to be the Dad most of the time.
I'm sure you have encountered the "I need help" and you do not spend enough time with the family" rants. To fall into line and do all that that stuff entails will also not cure your problem.
The key to your problem may lie in, discuss this with the counselor, the simple fact that your wife has forgotten all about being a couple. Our society has been saying the kids come first or don't stay together for the kids for so long that all emphasis on maintaining THE COUPLE has gone out the window. The couple was required for the child but is often forgotten when she asummed her new role. Sadly the concept of Wife AND mother has given way to mother, leave me alone if you are not Dad as maid.
I think you will fight a difficult battle to point out that she needs to be wife first , maintain the marriage and the parenting will follow naturally. If this is not in the crads you are fighting a losing battle.
Point out that some couple time is required. Go on a date weekly for a while and court her. Make sure it to a place where you can talk. Make family and child issues off limits for discussion. it will do no good to simply move the location for this disagreement. Learn how to spend time with each other as a couple again.
This is HUGE. Put the kid to bed at 8:30 ( which is appropriate for infants) Clean up the dishes and house for an hour TOGETHER, then sit down and spend some "couple time" daily. NO TV. Radio, music, quiet reading whatever but conversation helps greatly. I find conversation to be an aphrodisiac.
Why this stuff works I don't know but it does.
Go to your counseling and see where it goes. After your initial visit talk about the couple thing and see what they say.

The couple is required for the marriage. The couple helps the child development and sets a good role model for the child's
attitude of marriage.
Boy does this sound familiar.
Try this and see if it works.

This is one of those passages. Most of us have been there in one form or another. If this is way offbase let me know but my hunch is its not.

This is partly you but I'd guess mostly her. We view our marriages much from our parents example. If this is her view of her parents relationship, raising kids with no show of verbal or physical affection in the home , you have your answer. This can be worked out. It is worth the effort to stay together and be that couple FOR THE KIDS.
The overriding reality is that your marriage must change. I do not know of any guys that can exist sanely for long in the situation you describe. It results in infidelity,separation and ultimately divorce. Sadly if nothing is learned she will be alone and future relationships will fail as well. Put it on her to understand that this is not YOUR view of a stable marriage. You understand that change is required but DOES SHE?
This does not work for anyone.
I've spent a lot of space on this but it is simply that you sound like you want this to work out.
I applaud that. We all need more people who understand the value of marriage and stable family relationships.

Good Luck,
email if you wish.

Answer 4

A reasonable point, however, if you claimed that that man had affected a kingdom that left records, you have a slightly different situation. Then add on that the mans family had first saved the kingdom, lived there for 200 to 400 years and had greatly multiplied, now you have a larger amount of possible evidence that would be hard to miss. Take this several steps further, and consider the creation, flood, the sun stopping and the sun moving backwards. To assume that all of these things happened without leaving the slightest thread of evidence is much, much different than a man and his family living 3000 years ago. By the way, your argument is somewhat valid for Jesus, as there is no compelling evidence that he existed. However, there are problems when you add in the miracles around his life, many of which should have been noticed by many different civilizations. I'm afraid that the lack of evidence in this case is fairly conclusive. Edit: Also consider that God is supposed to still be active in this world, and yet there is no objective, empirical evidence that points to his current activities. True, believers see evidence all around them, but this is not objective i.e. they expect to see evidence and interpret any and all events as being evidence of God.

Answer 5

I read your previous questions and it sounds like your are sincerely trying to do the right thing for your marriage. You are taking the steps you need to by eliminating one source of her anger toward you (your hobby) and spending more time with your family and going to marriage counseling. Just the fact that she also agreed to go is a positive sign that she also wants to save your marriage. Be very honest in counselling even if it is something that may hurt her feelings to hear. Sometimes we need a harsh mirror held up to our faces before we fully understand how we have changed for the worse. I sincerely wish you the best of luck tonight at your appointment.

Answer 6

Lemme guess...you cheated on her....going to read other posts, will return.

OK. so you have not said that you cheated..But I am guessing that you had some really harsh words for her to turn on you like that. It is normal to have hormonal changes after having a baby, plus the increased workload is exhausting. Isolating yourself in the garage was a huge mistake, just made the gap between you two even bigger. Good luck with counseling, it might work for you guys. You really hurt her, you know? I know you feel hurt too, but the strawberries were too little too late. I hope that there is not more to your story that you are not telling.

Answer 7

I have read your other questions. In summary, your wife pretty much lost all interest in sex, so you started up a hobby having to do with a car. She then got mad at you for spending too much time on the hobby, made a big deal out of it, and now you're selling off your hobby stuff.

In other words, she acted like a cold, critical b|tch, and you caved like she keeps your balls in her purse.

It is time to reclaim your manhood. Tell her you'll do what you want when you want, and that if she doesn't start spreading her legs at least 2 or 3 times a week, then she has no ground to complain about your hobby. Marriage is about give and take, but all she has done is take while all you have done is give. Start acting like a man!

Answer 8

Once trust is broken it is a very very hard thing to regain for most people. Be patient with your wife and continue to show her how much she and your family mean to you. Don't try to buy her affections. Although a little gift here and there is always nice, it could be construed as a pay off for your past behavior and no one wants to be bought. Show her you care about her by being open and communicating your affections through touch and verbalize to her how much you want this to work! The combination of the two show that you are not only speaking idol words but following through with your actions as well!

If that doesn't work just nibble on her neck a little....... always made me melt! :-)

Answer 9

a woman's sex drive is linked to her emotions, she needs to be happy...women need foreplay and plenty of it. she needs to have a wonderful WEEK with you before she can be relaxed enough to make love.

is there the possibility that she's cheating? why no interest in sex all of a sudden?? she can take female enhancing hormones like levitra i think it's called to make her more in the mood.

even though it's three years ago, maybe she has the baby blues and her hormones are off.

spend time together, go for walks with the baby, spend alone time, TELL HER YOU LOVE HER AND SHOW HER, i don't mean flowers, i mean get up early and clean the house, make breakfast, lunch, or dinner, take some the burden off her and put her in the mood. she can't be in the mood taking care of the house and being a mom to a terrible two's three year old, she actually sounds depressed...don't argue with her...next time, say " i can see why you feel that way and this is how i feel" ...then explain yourself...then ask her what you can do to make you both happy. be patient, getting mad won't make her in the mood, your good graces will.

Answer 10

I could have sworn you cheated on her by the way you have made this sound, but all you did was get a hobby. Stop it, stop turning this all in toward yourself. Your wife has issues, and most of it probably has nothing to do with you, she's just taking it out on you. It could be the whole adjusting to being a mom, the weight she has gained, anything. It's great that you are going to a marriage counselor. See how that goes, before you blame yourself anymore. This doesn't sound like much of your fault at all.