What do you think of theese poems I wrote?

Question

Waiting

Nervous and worried I sit on my bed,Too many things going through my head.
The lonliness leaves me in my thoughts and fears But I listen carefully hoping no one else hears
I regret what I said and hope he regrets what he did
Though Ive got to be strong and protect the kids.
It makes me sick, hearing her cry and weep
I end up crying myself to sleep
Tomorrow is a new day,
Lets hope its not as bad as it was today



My Daddy

My strong, brave soldier lays in his bedHis body aching from toe to head
Suffering the pain is almost too much
Just to get up he needs a crutch
I can’t stand to see him a mess,
Weak and sad, and worst of all, helpless
Going to the bathroom I catch him cry,
There is a pain in my gut and I know why.
In just a few days he’ll be off to the ‘states’
His family will miss him and sadly wait.
I need his protection and love him so,
But I have no choice, I must let him go.

Sleeping On A Cloud


On the way home with my eyes shut tight,
I felt like everything was going to be alright.
When we got home after being in the car so long,
My daddy picked me up with his arms so strong.
He brought me inside and slipped me into bed,
Then my mom brushed away my hair and kissed my forehead.
I felt like an angel sleeping on a cloud,
My parents shut the door, smiling and proud.
Soon after they left I wouldn’t make a peep,
For I have melted into my dreams and fallen off to sleep.

Mommy

You're the winds breeze, And the suns shine,
And I'm proud to say you're all mine.
When I'm down you are always there,
That's why our love will never tare.
You love me much,
But I love you more,
And when you're sad, my heart is sore.
If something were to happen to you, Truthfully, I don't know what I would do. You're more than just my mom,
But my best friends as well,
Whenever something happens, you're the first one I tell.
Today you're just so busy with so many things,
That I hope you're still happy, and that your heart still sings. The bottom line is, I love you mom.
I love you roony.
And that love will never be never gone.
Well I just wrote this poem for you to see,
That you mean the world, and much more to me.

P.S

Im 11 years old.....take that into consideration.

P.S

Im 11 years old.....take that into consideration.

Answer 1

Well, for an 11 year-old, they're okay. However, if you want to improve, try writing something other than "couplets". In other words, instead of rhyming aabbccdd, try rhyming abab cdcd or abba cddc. Also, after you've written a poem, read it out loud just the way it's written...or if you have a brother or sister, or a friend, have them read it to you and do not correct their "reading" of your poem. Instead, "listen" to how it sounds. It will be a little painful, but don't make excuses, just fix the stuff that doesn't sound natural or doesn't work right. It may take a little more work...okay, it may take a "lot" more work, but you'll end up with better poetry if you take the time to do it right.

Meanwhile, you are doing very well, so keep writing

Answer 2

I think they would benefit from stronger imagery,

Answer 3

i like them alot. good job. and u show u are very loving

Answer 4

great literary work. keep it up. it can always get better